Wait Another Day
by DemonLover16
Summary: Set after the bonfire; 'if you love something, let it go,' true loves always find their way back together. Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter One: Goodnight And Go

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

The bonfire was over; Summer had left with Seth and Ryan. Ryan had wanted to stay, but Marissa wanted to be alone, so she had made him leave, telling him she'd be all right that she just wanted to stay out a little longer. He'd agreed unwillingly, but the brunette knew he wasn't going to drop it any time soon.

Finally on her own, she made her way to that spot where she and Alex had shared their first kiss. She sat down in the sand, trying to think back to the nights events. She was exhausted after everything, and she was at a loss, not knowing what to do. She hadn't been in the mansion for a while now, what with living with Alex and all, and, well, she didn't think she could go back to what had become her home, figuring Alex would be there. The last thing she wanted to do was make the girl feel uncomfortable.

A saddening feeling washed over her as she realized she'd have to have her final visit soon. She could only hope it didn't look anything like the one Alex had shared with Jodie way back, when they had gone to retrieve Alex's heart. As she thought about the memory, her hand grasped at the pendant around her neck, the second heart, the one Alex had given her after she had found both in Jodie's room. She found comfort in the pendant. However, she wasn't looking forward to that meeting her and Alex would have to share. She was afraid of what would happen.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her cell phone.

"_New message? Who's messaging me at this time? Probably Ryan..."_ She opened her phone, anticipating Ryan's name to show up, along with his number, but she soon realized it was a different name.

'_New Text Message'_

'_From: Alex_

_Hey...uh, I figured you might need a place to crash, plus all of your stuff is at the apartment. I'm spending the night with friends, so, if you want, you have your key and if you can't grab all your stuff, let me know and you can come by another day. Take care. –A'_

"_Oh great, I drove her out of her fucking apartment."_ Marissa let out a sigh, she was so confused and so sad about the night that sleep was the only decent thought running through her mind. Not liking the fact that she'd driven out her now ex-girlfriend from her own home, she tried to reason with herself that it would be for the best. She had a place to sleep; she could get her stuff together and trek back up to the mansion tomorrow. At least her mother would be happy.

Although at that moment, she couldn't care less that it was her mother who was going to be pleased, after all, she was the one who would be getting what she had been after. Marissa sighed, she hoped the blonde girl was going to find happiness, and soon, she knew the blonde all too well, she knew, no matter how hard Alex had tried to hide the pain, that she had hurt the girl who had meant everything to her. Alex had always been the strong one, and she had seen how Alex had tried to fight showing the hurt she'd caused her earlier. She didn't want to cause the girl anymore pain then she already had. It was best if she stepped out of her life as soon as possible, so the girl would be able to move on.

She made her way over to her parked Mustang, got in, turned her keys and drove off, probably for the last time, to the place she had began to feel was the only place she could call home.

She arrived and used her key to get in. It wasn't until she set foot in the apartment that she realized she'd been holding her breath, half hoping to see Alex there as she turned on the lights. Of course, she wasn't, after all she was spending the night with friends. Marissa thought of starting to pack right away, but a yawn caught her off guard, and she decided sleeping first would be for the best. She could take care of packing and getting her stuff in the A.M.

Out of habit she went towards the room, but soon retraced her steps and decided to sleep on the couch. It was no longer her bedroom, and as much as she knew Alex would want her to sleep there anyways, _"God... she always cared so much for me, I know she still would now... even after everything," _she couldn't do it. She knew she wouldn't be able to spend the night in that room, alone, without Alex holding her close.

She went to the couch and laid there, her heart felt heavy, her mind was racing, she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders, but the day's events had worn her out, and her eyes closed immediately, her sleep couldn't be peaceful though, how could it ever be, when "the one" was no longer there...Her final thoughts were of Alex, and as the numbness took over her, she fell into a restless night.

* * *

Alex had walked away; she couldn't believe she'd just willingly stepped away from the one thing in her life that made sense.

"I_ thought I made sense to her as well...why would she just let me walk away?_"

"_They say if you love something, let it go. I'm hoping she comes back...I'm hoping she figures things out...I don't know what I'll do without her. All I know is I can't stick around here waiting though...the pain will be too much. And I can't let her see me suffer."_

She wanted Marissa to come running after her, to tell her she was sorry, that she wanted this, that she wanted Alex, that she needed her, even if it wasn't tonight that she came after her, she wanted Marissa. She knew her heart could never love another the way she had loved Marissa. Her heart only had beat for the tall brunette.

She also knew she wouldn't be able to stand it here though. She wouldn't be able to deal with the possibility of seeing Marissa and not being able to touch her, to kiss her, to hug her, to make her forget all of her worries. She knew, no matter how hard it was for Marissa to see, that Marissa needed her in her life. They were meant to be, they'd find their way... hopefully.

She'd made her way farther along the beach, away from the bonfire, she turned back one last time before reaching her skeazy ex-con friends, she smiled at Marissa's phrasing, "_oh God.. this is why I need to go; I'm already finding ways to remind myself of her."_ The last thing she saw at the beach that night was Marissa and Ryan, holding the torch, lighting the bonfire, together.

"_You better treat her right. You hurt her, I will find you, and you will regret it. I lied, it was always about you. You're the safe choice for her, but you'll never be the right one. And no matter what, I'll always be here to pick up her pieces when she realizes it...She'll know how to find me. I just hope she realizes it sooner than later. I don't know how I'm going to make it until then."_

She reached her friends, and as tough as they had seemed earlier, they knew Alex well, hell, the three of them had known each other since they were kids. Dylan and Joe could see their female friend wasn't holding up too good. She'd explained briefly the situation when she had asked them for help, but they both wanted to do more for the hurt blonde.

"Hey, look, she wasn't worth the fight, come over tonight, the three of us can just watch movies and drink, alright? It'll take your mind off things, even if just for a while." Joe asked her.

She smiled slightly, she liked that they were boys, they didn't force her to open up. She was like one of the guys to them, and so, they treated her like one of the guys who'd had a rough night. Cheap booze, bad movies, crashing at her two oldest friends place, sounded perfect, and hopefully, it would momentarily help her. "Yea, okay, sounds fine."

Besides, she knew Marissa wouldn't have a place to go for the night, and as much as she wanted to see the brunette again, she didn't think she could handle it tonight, nor tomorrow. She'd break in front of the girl, but she knew that right now, it's wasn't what Marissa needed. She needed to stay strong, for Marissa. She reached for her phone and typed up her message;

"_Hey...uh, I figured you might need a place to crash, plus all of your stuff is at the apartment. I'm spending the night with friends, so, if you want, you have your key and if you can't grab all your stuff, let me know and you can come by another day. Take care. –A"_

She found Marissa's name in her contacts, and hit send. She let out a sigh. She knew the message would come off as cold, but it's all she could do for the time being.

She had to stay strong. "_I love you, so I'm letting you go. Hopefully you find happiness, actually, there's a small part of me that doesn't want you to. There's a small part of me that already aches for you to realize you and I, we were meant to be. I want you to be happy, I'd give my left arm and leg for your happiness. I know, it may seem cheap, but, I'd give my heart and soul to be the reason for your happiness. You know, you'll always have my heart. When you come back, I'll hand you back my soul and my mind, I need those two for now, to stay on the right track, so I'm not down spiralling when you come find me. But hurry, I don't want to waste too much time."_

She couldn't help but feel sad as her thoughts ran through her mind. The boys and Alex reached her jeep and all three of them got in. About 15 minutes later, they had reached the boys apartment and quietly made their way inside. Alex just went straight away to the couch and collapsed on it, Joe went in the kitchen to grab new case of beer. Meanwhile, Dylan put in the first movie.

"_They may be boys, but, I know they've lived through enough stuff to know that they understand. I'm lucky to have these guys, they've got my back."_

She smiled at the thought, she'd known these guys all her life, neither of them had tried anything on her, ever. They had always supported her, when she told them she liked girls, when her parents kicked her out, when all the shit happened with Jodie, and now this.. "_God, these guys have always, ALWAYS known, how to be there for me."_

She smiled as she realized what movie Dylan had put in, nothing better than some bloody, mindless, action packed movie to get your brain to shut off. She thanked Joe when he handed her beer number one. She sunk in deeper when the extremely B-movie styled intro appeared on screen. God she loved how Dylan knew Death Proof was the perfect first choice.

A couple of hours later, the floor was officially littered with empty beer bottles, they were halfway through their third movie and three quarters of the way through the case of beer. Alex had stopped drinking as many though, about halfway through the second movie, her mind wasn't where she wanted it to be. She found the boys bottle of vodka, of course, they weren't happy to see their girl hurt like that, hurt so bad she felt she had to wash it away with crystal clear liquid, but both knew that with time she'd talk. And if not time wasn't enough.. then alcohol would do it. Especially at the rate she was going at it.

The credits started to roll and Dylan got up to put in a new movie in. That's when he heard Alex start to mumble, Joe had gone out for a smoke, so he turned around, he was all ears for his friend.

"You.. yknow," she had a hard time forming a decent sentence without slurring at this point, "whaJoe said bfore...it...it twas a lie."

Dylan made his way back to her, "what did Joe say that was a lie?" He kept calm, it was the best thing to do. Losing his cool meant things would get out of hand, she'd shut down even more, and that would ultimately hurt more.

Joe had come back in only pick up the last part of Dylan's sentence. When he walked in, he saw Alex was starting to talk, so he took a seat as well, "I lied?" He asked her.

Alex nodded more violently then intended. "Ysss, you..you did."

They wanted her to talk, so they pushed, slowly, "can... can you explain how I lied Alex?"

Alex's face seemed to concentrate for a bit. "You.. you said she.. she wasn't worth the fight. You lied, she .... she is more than worth the fight.... she's... she's the only thing, only thing thamatters."

Dylan spoke up, "how can you say that Lex? That girl, she walked away from you, without trying to fight for you. How can you say she's still worth you being so broken hearted? She walked away from the best girl who could have ever set eyes on her."

These were the times that she remembered why she loved these tough guys so much. Sure, they could play rough, and sure, they could be nasty, but anyone who took the time to get to know them, if you showed them trust, if they cared about you, they were the best pals anyone could have asked for. She smiled as she realized how much she loved when she could get through to them. She smiled even more when she remembered how no matter what, these guys would never bring it up again, unless she brought it up first. They knew how hard it was to open up.

"Because Dill. Because Joe... Because, causeshe was the one."

"You can't know that Lex.." Joe replied, he felt terrible that his friend was hurting so much.

"I can. I can.. and I did, and I... I still know. She.. she made everything, everything bad diss....disss....dissappear. She was my everything....She had, has, and will always, always, you BOTH hear me? A.L.W.A.Y.S. have, my heart, soul and mind."

"Lexi....you know, there are plenty more fish..." Dylan tried.

"I DON'T WANT ANY OTHER GODDAM FISH! I DON'T CARE HOW FUCKIN BIG THE FUCKIN OCEAN IS! SHE WAS MY FISH! SHE WAS IN MY OCEAN! SHE ... SHE...SH....She....she was everything." That was it, everything she'd held back, she let go, the tears, they started to fall freely. Nothing could stop them now. She couldn't stop them even though she wanted nothing to do with them at the moment. She tried wiping them away, but she felt two strong hands grab her wrist.

Dylan and Joe, they weren't the touchy feely kind, and they knew Alex wasn't either, well... not with them, it was why they'd never had an issue with her, to them, she was one of the guys, with just a smaller build. They had seen her a few times back home, they'd seen her in action, and they knew she could handle her own, but they also knew, that just like guys, she was only human. Even though they all seemed tough, they were all human, they knew they'd all at one point or another felt the need to cry, or have someone be there for them, even if they didn't want to admit it. They knew how hard it was for someone like them, or like Alex, to open up like that, and that's why, when it happened, they never reminded her, they knew how much harder things were if you had someone nagging you continuously. So, they did what they always did when one of the guys had a REALLY, really tough time, and couldn't hold it anymore. They were there for each other, and they were there for Alex that night.

They each grabbed one wrist and stopped her from wiping at the tears, knowing that would only make things worse. They held her while she cried, sobbed, mumbled things and when she had passed out, partially due to the alcohol she'd consumed, Joe took notice of the three quarter empty bottle, which was originally full when Alex got to it, and partially due to her mental state, Dylan picked her up. He carried her to his bedroom and he lay her down and tucked her in. He knew Joe would be in the process of cleaning up and he went to help him. That way, in the morning, the only reminder of what had happened at the apartment would be waking up there. Seeing what she had to drink and everything else, wouldn't help.

Alex was barely conscious enough to feel herself being picked up, she didn't know what was happening, but she knew she was safe. She felt she was being put down and she relaxed into the mattress, she knew her sleep wouldn't be peaceful, how could it ever be, when "the one" was no longer there...Her final thoughts were of Marissa, and as the numbness took over her, she fell into a restless night.


	2. Chapter Two: Sunday Afternoon

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

It had been a long night. She had bolted upright from the couch. Again. She'd had another dream, all night, they kept harassing her, and they were freaking her out.

She looked over at the clock, realizing it was only four AM she lay back down, hoping she could maybe grab more than twenty minutes of sleep this time around.

She knew it was no use though, so she started to ponder over the dream, what had happened and what it meant...

"_Someone's calling my name," she thought to herself._

"_MARISSAAAA!"_

"_There it is again. I know that voice, I do, and I need to get to it... I think it needs my help. It needs me."_

"_MARISSAAAAA!!!"_

_She started to run through the scenery her state of sleep was creating, she was obviously dreaming as everything around her kept changing as she ran towards the voice. She was running through a city, sky scrapers all around her, the voice, far away, almost lost within the sound of traffic; and all of a sudden, the sky scrapers turned into pine trees. She was now running through a forest, running between trees towards the voice she couldn't yet put a face on. She knew she had to get to it though, it needed her..._

"_MARISSAAA!"_

_The forest turned dry, she could feel the wind over every inch of skin, every step she took sunk a little, she realized she was running through a vast, empty desert now, but the voice, it was being carried in the wind. As fast as the desert had appeared, it disappeared. All of a sudden, she felt cold, really, really cold. She was trapped in a blizzard, the cold wind biting her skin, making her shiver in her sleep. Finally she was there, the voice was constant now, but she couldn't see anyone, and then, she felt it, her heart. It stopped momentarily as she realized she was standing where the pair had shared their first kiss, all of a sudden, she knew..._

"_Alex..." she could barely whisper the name as she looked up._

"_MARISSAAA! PLEASEE, COME HELP MEEE, I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOUUU, DON'T LET ME GOO."_

_Marissa could see the waves starting to pick up in the ocean, Alex was stuck out there, she had to do something. She started to run towards the ocean, after all, it was holding the girl who held her heart captive. She couldn't stand the sight of Alex being crushed by continuous waves._

_She felt a hand grab her arm, she spun around about to yell at who ever DARED stop her from saving the girl in the ocean. As she turned, the eyes that met her were cold, stern._

"_RYAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LET ME GO! I NEED TO GO!" She couldn't stop herself from yelling at him, he was stopping her rescue mission._

"_NO! You have ME now." His grip tightened around her arm. "I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO MARISSA. YOU'RE MINE AGAIN, AND I'M NOT LETTING YOU GO. I WORKED TOO DAMN HARD TO GET YOU BACK. YOU'RE STAYING HERE!" He yelled back at her._

_In her sleep, Marissa shuddered, she knew that Ryan only wanted what was best for her, but, he thought HE was what was best. She thought the same...however, deep down, she knew... she knew in her heart, that there was only place for one person. He would never be right...She couldn't love him anymore, she'd met Mr. Right. And Mr. Right was a she. A gorgeous blonde with piercing eyes that could see right through her. That saw right into her core. _

_She couldn't hear the voice anymore...it had been washed away when Ryan interfered. She despised him for it; she'd lost her love... again, because of him._

With that final thought in her mind, she looked back at the clock. It was six AM now, she'd managed to daydream her nightmare for two hours. She didn't know when Alex would be back, she decided to get her stuff and leave right away, as much as she desperately wanted to see Alex one last time before the blonde left, she didn't want to push herself on the other girl. Especially after what she'd put her through.

She started with the bedroom, it was the most painful room in the apartment they had shared, and most of her things were there anyway...

As she went around, picking up items off the ground, and in the closet, she started thinking out loud...

"_I can't believe this is it; I can't believe I let her walk away. Why? Why would I let her? Most importantly, why did she let me, let her? Well that's a stupid thought; she must have thought it was because I didn't want her to stay. GOD! How could I be so stupid? I...I...I don't think I've ever wanted someone to stay more than I wanted her to! Then why couldn't I fight for her? I...I...I loved her no? OF COURSE I DID! GOD! How could I ever even begin to doubt that? She was the first person I ACTUALLY felt safe with. She made me feel like I was worth something. I was worth something to her, and I let her walk._

_Ryan had never done that for me. But...but Ryan was safe...he was 'the one' everyone believed was right for me. How could he not be? After all, he was sweet, caring, protective, not so bad on the eyes....but Alex...she...she didn't have to say anything. I could feel her love, just with those quick glances she would send my way...she would look at me and nothing else mattered. All of my worries were washed away, she held me close and I could feel she would never let anything happen to me. She would always want to protect me, and she always would. She didn't have to be as physically strong as Ryan was; she had something else to protect me. She had something better...her love could protect me from any and every evil. When she kissed me...oh God, it was NOTHING like Ryan's kisses. Ryan, he was always...rough and demanding. Even if I didn't want to push thing and he said it was fine, his kisses couldn't lie...he always wanted more. Her's...they were loving, plain and simple, I could go on describing them, but 'loving' is the best way to describe them... Even with a small peck on the cheek, I could feel her put everything she couldn't say, in those kisses. _

_Did I make the right choice? Was I right to let her go? They say, "if you love something, let it go." I've let you go now...but you are the one for me...are you coming back? Am I going to go find you? I know I could just stay here and wait, but, I'm a coward, and I can't actually do that...I'm just, SO afraid. Afraid of everyone and everything. I know that shouldn't matter, I know your love for me would ultimately protect me from all of that, that it would make everything okay. All we'd need is each other...but I'm still too scared, and I'm letting it take over what matters most to me. You're not only what I want most... you're what I need most, but, I'm letting the others be happy over myself. But by making everyone happy, I'm not only leaving myself miserable, I'm leaving the only person that matters to me unhappy as well. That's the part that kills me, I could take throwing my happiness away, but throwing yours away is the hard part....I'm sorry._

_I hope that one day, we'll find each other again, and I hope we can be together then. The way I know we were meant to be. I hope you'll forgive me for being scared. I'm just too afraid right now...I'm sorry."_

Marissa was shedding tears as she made her final round, she'd gotten everything she had in the apartment, she didn't want to have to come back. She didn't want to risk facing Alex, or worse, to risk coming back to an empty apartment with only the things she'd left sitting in it.

She went to the door and looked around one last time, she remembered all of the times her and Alex had spent here, all the memories, and she walked out...for the last time. She was out of Alex Kelly's life, and she hated herself for it.

She got in her car and drove off, about twenty minutes later; she had arrived in Cooper-Nichol hell. She walked up to the front door and was about to reach for her keys in her pocket when the door swung open;

"I'm leaving now, please don..." Julie had turned around as she walked out and spotted her daughter. "Marissa."

* * *

She woke up from her slumber as the sun shone through the window. As she groggily opened her eyes she had that momentary freak out, she couldn't remember where she was. Afraid something had happened she shot out of bed and looked next to her. She sighed a sigh of relief when she saw that no one had been laying next to her and she still had all her clothes on. Then she let out another as she recognized Dylan's room.

"_I must have drank...a LOT if he carried me here..."she thought to herself._

That's when it hit her, the worry that something had happened, but now that she was out of self-preservation mode, the pounding in her head, the dizziness, the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, they all became a brutal reality. All the physical symptoms proved he hypothesis... she had drank...a LOT. She slowly made her way upright and travelled to the bathroom; she rummaged in the cabinet, found the Tylenol and popped two in her mouth to aid the headache. She swallowed them and slowly made her out, as she walked out of the room, she realized it was six am...she didn't want to wake the boys. She didn't want to go back home in case Marissa was still there...

"_Marissa..." she thought to herself. The events of the previous night came rushing back into her consciousness._

She shook herself out of her daze not wanting to let her thoughts go there...not this early anyways. She decided she'd go to work, extra early maybe, but at least she could get some work done. Just because she was leaving didn't meant that she wanted the Bait Shop to fail. She figured she could get the paperwork done for the next couple of weeks, maybe find a couple bands, so the new manager could at least get settled and not have to worry about everything just yet.

She was about to step out of the apartment the boys shared, she looked back and felt bad seeing Dylan asleep on the couch, arms and legs hanging off the end and side. She also noticed how there were no bottles lying around... She smiled slightly; she loved how these guys took her in during her worse time.

She decided to leave them a note.

_Joe, Dylan,_

_Hey, I woke up and you guys were still asleep. I didn't want to wake yous. Thanks for everything last night. I needed to be alone, so I left early, I'll talk to you guys soon._

_Take care,_

_Alex_

She left the note on the kitchen counter where she knew they'd see it; she walked out the door and got in her Jeep.

_

* * *

_

"Mum." Marissa couldn't believe her luck, she secretly cursed lady luck for putting her in this situation, she really didn't want to have to deal with her mum right now.

"Marissa what are you doing here?" Julie questioned, however she soon took notice of the two bags Marissa was carrying. "You're back?" she asked.

"Yea mum...now, I'd like to get in please."

Julie moved aside so her daughter could get in. "I'm glad you came back honey, after all, that little 'lesbian' affair of yours was only going to get to me for so long. It was starting to grow old you know? I knew you'd come to your senses and end it soon." She went over to her daughter and hugged her. "I'm glad you came back, let's have diner. I can't tonight, I'm working out of town, but let's do diner tomorrow. I cannot wait to catch up with you." She said, with a huge smile plastering her face.

"Sure mum, whatever. I'm not feeling too good, so I'm going to stay home and sleep." Marissa felt hurt that her mother thought her relationship with Alex had only been a way of getting back at her, even worse, she felt bad for not being able to defend her relationship to her mother, she was too heartbroken right now.

"Okay, take care, see you soon honey." Julie walked out and Marissa closed the door behind her.

Marissa trekked her way up the stairs and to her room.

She walked in. She dropped her bags.

She closed and locked the door.

She walked over to her drawers, reached for the bottom one, opened it and grabbed her Russian friend.

She then made her way to her bed.

She slowly opened the bottle and took a first drink.

She was starting to drink her pain away again, she hadn't done that while she was with Alex, if she drank, she was with her and she wasn't drinking anything away for once, but now, she'd lost her everything, and this was all she could think of to cope.

"I miss you already, I know you wouldn't want me drinking, but it's the only thing I've got right now... Until I find my courage, and come fight for you." She whispered to no one but herself. She took another drink.

She closed her eyes and felt the clear liquid already burning less as it went down. The tears were flowing freely.

* * *

She started driving towards the club, driving past the beach pulled at her heart, but she kept on going. It took no longer then ten minutes for her to get there. She pulled into a parking spot, turned off the engine and made her way inside. She walked to her office and sat down, she felt heavy, the weight of everything seemed to be resting on her shoulders, she didn't know what she should do anymore. She didn't want to run, but Marissa hadn't stopped her, she couldn't understand, well, it was pretty obvious it meant Marissa had picked Ryan over her...shuddering at the thought she got back up.

She walked towards the bar, reached behind and grabbed a bottle of Johnny Walker. Johnny would be her friend today.

She walked back to her office and sat down; she pulled out some paper work and was ready to start.

"_I'm sorry babe," _she spoke softly out loud, as she opened the bottle_, "I know you wouldn't like me drinking away the pain...but it's all I've got right now, I don't want to hurt, so I need to stay numb...forgive me." _ She took her first drink and felt the liquid go down her throat, the warm liquid quickly spread and she felt a little lighter, not much, barely noticeable, but to someone who was in that much pain, the difference was huge. With that, she set to work.

* * *

Lunchtime came around fairly slowly at Harbour High for Summer. She hadn't heard or seen Marissa since the night before, at the bonfire. She knew her friend had said she was fine when they left without her the previous day, but she still felt uneasy about something. She knew Marissa all too well; and after having tried to reach her on her cell and at home and the mansion, she knew she had to get her Little Miss Vixen butt in gear and find her friend before something bad would happen.

She left the school before Seth or Ryan could even see her hoping to find Marissa at the apartment. When she got there however, she saw that neither the Jeep, nor the Mustang there...she got out and tried the door anyways. Knock, knock, knock....no answer.

"Great..." she mumbled to herself as she got back in her car. "She better be in Cooper-Nichol hell...or she will suffer rage blackout mode."

She drove towards Marissa's house and was relieved when she saw her car parked there. She went to the door, knocked but there was no answer. She tried the handle, it wasn't locked for some unknown reason, so she let herself in. She walked up the stairs to Marissa's room, the door was closed. That was never a good sign. She reached for the handle and, even worse, it was locked.

"Crap..." she mumbled. She knocked faintly, hoping Marissa would at least let her in.

"Gooo away."

Summer's brow furrowed a little...she hadn't heard that voice in a while. Things fell into place and a sad look adorned her features, Marissa was drinking again...a lot. Summer knew Marissa fell back to alcohol when things got tough, and with time she'd become almost immune to it, she knew that if Marissa was slurring over half a bottle was gone already...

She knocked again, this time a little more forcefully.

"GOOOOO awAYYYY," was the only thing that came from the door.

Summer was worried, and needed to talk to her best friend, she knocked once more, this time determined to get in. "Marissa, open up RIGHT now!" Her voice softened a little, "it's me Coop, come on, just let me in, we can talk if you want."

She could hear something on the other side, she couldn't figure what though.

"I don't want...wanto talk Sum. Just...just leave me alone, it's all I deserve." Marissa's voice had a sad timber to it.

Summer's heart was breaking as she heard her friend who was struggling in there. "Coop, okay, fine, no talking, just...let me in. I can at least distract you? Tell you all about Cohen's attempts to get Captain Oats in Princess Sparkle's pants last night?" She questioned lightly...anything right now, she just needed to get in the room, so could at least keep an eye on her hurting friend.

She heard more noise coming from the other side. Then she heard it, the sound she'd been hoping to hear, the lock moved out of place and there was a click as Marissa turned the handle to open up for Summer to walk in.

Summer saw Marissa, eyes red, hair messed, obvious lacking sleep. A mourning look on her face. She couldn't take it, "aw Coop, come here..." She went over and pulled her best friend in a tight hug. She felt Marissa tense at the contact, but she only let go when she felt Marissa trying to bring the bottle to her mouth while still stuck in the embrace.

* * *

Marissa had only let Summer in so the pounding would stop. Summer sighed and let her go. Marissa saw the look she was being given and turned away, she didn't pity. She needed...something else, someone else...

When Marissa heard the door close she turned around thinking Summer had left. However, she saw Summer had closed and locked the door instead. She appreciated the gesture, so she tried to flash her a weak smile... Summer reciprocated and headed towards the bed. This was the part Marissa didn't want to have to deal with.

Summer was about to say something when Marissa cut her off, "look Sum, I'm f...fine, nothing to worry bout." She cursed herself mentally for slurring a little.

Summer looked at her. "You're kidding me right Coop? The bottle is three quarters empty and you sound like a broken 45 set to 33."

Marissa looked at her confused.

"OH COME ON COOP! Records... ok, never mind. This clearly isn't the time to explain, we'll leave that up to later. Now! Can you PLEASEEEE tell your bestest friend in the world what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Sum, really, tr...trust me, I'm fine."

"Marissa, you are NOT!"

"FINE! I'm not, but I will be. So there's no point in talking about this."

"You are unbelievable sometimes you know that? Coop, I'm your best friend; I can SEE you hurting with my own two damn eyes. If you don't want to talk about it, fine, but you DON'T have to NOT talk about it. I'm here; it's what I'm here for." Summer stopped for two seconds looking closely at Marissa, the continued. "SO! I am going to sit RIGHT. HERE." She patted a spot and moved over so she was comfortable, "I will be reading THIS. MAGAZINE." She grabbed one out of her purse, "and when YOU are FINALLY ready to talk, I'll still be here."

Marissa was about to reply, but Summer beat her to it; "and before you DARE say you want to be alone, pretend I'm not here, I won't say anything, but I'll be able to make sure you're still alive when you pass out."

Marissa sighed in resignation. She wasn't going to talk, but she would have no choice but to accept Summer's resilience to leave her alone. She slumped back down and kept on drinking. Ignoring the side looks she could see Summer giving her. She hated seeing her best friends eyes glaze over with sadness, but she was too numb to really feel anything right now.

* * *

Alex couldn't believe the amount of work she'd completed, she'd downed...probably half of Johnny, but she didn't feel it. She felt proud of everything she'd accomplished, plus she had barely had the time to let herself think of what had happened. As soon as the employees started arriving, things kept going wrong, it was one of those days, but for the first time, she appreciated it. It gave her opportunities left, right and center to focus on other things.

However, when five o'clock came around, she had started to feel the weight of the day physically... she had, after all, been up since six and hadn't slept much, let alone well... she decided to call it a night. She was saying goodbye and walking out when a sudden fear took hold of her, she all of a sudden wondered, _"what if Marissa was still there...she shouldn't be, but what if she decided to wait for me..."_ Alex decided she would take the longer way home, she debated whether or not she should text Marissa and ask, but she felt if she did so, it would only serve to open up a whole new wave of feelings she wasn't ready to deal with.

When she was near enough to her house to see, but not be seen, she realized there was no familiar red Mustang in the parking lot. She felt, relieved and sad at the same time, she was hoping the brunette would have maybe tried to make one last attempt. Realizing it was futile to hope; she turned off the engine and started towards the house.

Her hands were shaking as she got her keys out and tried to get the door open. She managed, and once again, she felt sad and relieved when she saw Marissa wasn't there anymore. She went around the apartment and was slightly devastated at the sight of a Marissa-less home. It didn't feel like home anymore, home was Marissa. This, this had nothing of hers anymore. Nothing of her's, until she reached the bedroom, that was the room she least wanted to visit... they had shared countless nights and plenty of those were filled with firsts and memories. She walked in and there was something different in the feeling of this room, something different compared to the rest of the house, and as she looked her breath caught in her throat. Hanging there, on Marissa's side of the bed, the heart shaped necklace gently hung, as if nothing in the world was harming it.

Alex was sad and shocked; Marissa had never taken it off, ever since the moment it had been placed around her neck, _"she must REALLY hate me... or something... I'm hoping it's something else..."_

She went over and grabbed it, it lay gently in the palm of her hand and she placed it in her pocket. _"Maybe she just wanted to give it back, but this was her heart...did she just give me her heart? What the hell! Since when is Alex Kelly this corny?!....oh ever since she walked into my life..."_

She let the thoughts dissipate, she didn't want to think that intensely... she couldn't stay here much longer, she'd told her boss everything she'd done, the bar was okay to run on its own for at least a month. It was plenty of time for the owner to find her replacement. He wasn't happy Alex was leaving, she had been the best for the job but he wasn't a blind man either. He saw the pain in the girl's eyes when she told him she needed a change. He assured her it was fine and if she ever needed a job to just call him up, that he'd have no problem hiring her all over. She'd thanked him and told him she might just hold him up to that someday, and then she'd left the Bait Shop, for the last time.

She'd decided she was going to move out as soon as possible, but first, she had a phone call to make. She wasn't looking forward to it. She went in the living room and sat on the couch, instantly her thoughts travelled to the first night Marissa and she had spent together, sitting on this couch, watching old horror flicks.

She sighed and reached for the receiver. She heard the dial tone and then dialled the number she hadn't dialled in over seven months.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello?" It was a woman.

"...."

"Hello?" The woman asked again.

"...Hi mum. It's Alex."

* * *

Summer was still there, but she had fallen asleep a little while ago. Marissa was glad; she didn't know how long she was going to be able to stand the worried side glances much longer.

She had finished the bottle and was now left to her thoughts, who like her, were drunk. She couldn't believe she was still awake after drinking an entire vodka bottle...alone.

Her thoughts were about to enter Alex Kelly land when her cell rang, she grumbled, she picked it up forgetting to check the caller I.D. She momentarily freaked out when she wondered if it could possibly be her.

"Hey," it was a male.

Marissa rolled her eyes as she realized who it was. "Hi."

"How are you?" Ryan asked. He was being so...formal.

"I'm peachy great! How about you?"

"What's wrong Marissa?"

"_Why does he sound angry..."_ she thought to herself before answering him. "Nothing, everything's just great. How are you?" She was trying so hard not to slur."

"uh... I'm fine I guess I wanted to see how you were, I was thinking maybe we could hang out sometime, you know... like before..." his tone changed near the end.

Marissa was starting to get frustrated with how he was acting, after all, had she not left "the one" for him? Wouldn't that be good enough? Why did he have to go and become a jerk? She had loved her. No, she loved her.

"Like before WHAT Ryan?" she asked him, angrier than normal. Everyone had been under-estimating her relationship with Alex and she was starting to lose it.

"You know...the whole...you being friends...with Alex thing." He found it uncomfortable, she could tell.

"First off, we were not F.R.I.E.N.D.S. we were GIRLfriends. As in together. Second, it wasn't a thing it wasn't a phase, it was fuckin real. And now it's done. Now I can be ALL yours if you fuckin want." So... she wasn't slurring, she was meerly angry as hell, but could anyone really blame her? Everyone thought it was just a phase that her relationship had meant nothing, when in reality it was the ONLY one that had ever mattered. Had... God I wish I could just go and get you now...

"Wait... so, you're saying we're back together?" He sound like a happy school boy. She hated it.

"If that's all that matters to you, I'd like to go to bed. Thanks." She had no energy to waste on him. She'd lost Alex, and everyone expected her to be with Ryan, so why the hell not?!

She hung up the phone and went back to the bed. She collapsed onto it and slumbered off to sleep; barely realizing Summer had woken up and seen her friend get incredibly worked up with who she assumed was Ryan.

Summer looked more worried now then she ever had in regards to her friend. But she knew not to push the girl. Things would get better, they had to. Marissa had been through too much already...


	3. Chapter Three: Did Your Heart Go Missing

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

"..."

"...Mum?" Alex asked after having received no answer?

"...sorry, Alex? Um... is everything okay?" the woman on the other line finally answered. She was highly confused as to why her daughter, whom she hadn't heard from since they'd kicked her out, was calling. "_Something must be wrong..."_ the woman thought to herself.

"...uh, yea, I guess so... How are you?" Alex tentatively asked.

"...I'm doing alright. How are things in L.A.?"

"...uhh, I don't know how things are in L.A." _"Well... at least mum will know that I'm no longer with Jodie... maybe this will make things easier..."_ she thought to herself. "I left L.A. a couple months ago actually. I moved to Newport. I got this really great job offer and moved by the beach."

The woman let out an audible sigh. "So honey," Alex could hear how her tone had immediately softened, "does this mean you're... 'phase' is over then?"

Alex could hear the air-quotes her mother had used. She didn't appreciate the fact that her mother thought her sexuality was a phase. She wanted to tell her off, but she didn't want to ruin her chances of being let back in a home away from Newport. "Well... not exactly mum. You know, before you say anything, and I KNOW you were about to, it's not a phase. It wasn't one when I told you and dad about Jodie and I; and it still isn't one now." She took a breath, she was glad her mother wasn't interrupting, she'd been wanting to get this speech off her chest for a while now, sure, she had told, well, tried to tell her parents this when she told then she was seeing Jodie, but everything was so filled with anger, she had never been able to calmly tell her mother and father what was on her chest. She was content with the fact it was finally happening. "It's who I am mum. It doesn't change the person you raised me to be, it only changes the fact that the future you saw for me, might involve another girl instead of a boy. I am however, done with Jodie. I'm not calling you because I want to beg you guys to let me back in, it's just, stuff has happened in between and I want to get out of Newport...maybe even go back to school; and I was hoping maybe you, dad and I could make amends." She took another deep breath, "No matter what has happened mum, I miss you guys..." Alex's tone had softened near the end.

Alex's mum was left a little stunned at her daughter's confession. She couldn't hide the fact that she was happy her daughter was done with Jodie, but she still hadn't fully accepted the fact that her daughter liked women.

Her husband however, had started accepting it only a couple of weeks after their daughter had moved out. Once the reality of not having their child in their home anymore hit, he realized he didn't want to lose his only kid forever.

"Honey I'm home! Oh hi, sorry, I didn't see you were on the phone there. I'll just go ahead and change." Alex heard the voice of her father in the background, and realized just how much she'd missed him. Since her mother still hadn't said anything she simply added; "look mum, I know I've probably freaked you out a little and you don't know what to say right now, so um... could you pass me to dad please? I'd like to talk to him." She heard the receiver being moved around, and assumed her mum had signalled her father to take it since she had heard no exchange between the two people who had raised her.

"Hello?" The voice was a little worried considering the effect the phone call seemed to have had on his wife.

"Hey dad..."

"..."

"... oh my God, I've stunned you both. I'm sorry, look, just... tell mum to ignore what I said, I'm sorry I called."

She was about to hang up when; "NO! No sweetheart, wait," could be heard out of her receiver. She couldn't help but smile hearing her father call her 'sweetheart,' "_it's been so long..."_ she couldn't help but reminisce.

"...dad?"

"Hi." His voice had softened, she heard him and couldn't help remembered how his voice had sounded when he'd kicked her out all those months ago. She relaxed at the sound of a more caring tone. "Just give me two seconds; I'm going to go in the office."

"Ok." She heard him shuffling around and then a door closed.

"Hi again." She could hear him smiling through the phone.

"Hi dad, how are you?"

"I'm good sweetheart, better now that you've called, how about you?"

"To be honest?"

"Always sweetheart." The man seemed a bit more concerned all of a sudden.

Alex smiled at the thought of her father slipping back into his fatherly role, "I've been better dad." Her voice saddened a little.

"What's wrong honey?"

"I'm not sure th..."

Her father knew where this was about to go, he cut her off; "honey, whatever it is, you can count on me okay?"

"Are you sure dad? I mean... after everything?"

"Sweetheart, what happened seven months ago...I know I can't take it back... and I'm really sorry it ever happened; but I want you to know that, about two weeks after you left, I regretted what had happened. You know how your mother is though...and even now, she's still struggling with the idea; but I want you to know that I am okay with it. That I love you no matter what and I am always here for you. I know it's probably going to be hard to get back to how we were, but no matter what, I'm here for you sweetheart, and your mother too, even though she may not admit it just yet."

Alex smiled at her father, he was the one she had missed the most. She had always felt closer to him growing up. He had taught her everything he knew and she had loved every moment of it. When they had kicked her out, it was the fact the he had been the one to tell her to get out that had hurt her the most. Hearing her father utter those words, now after such a long time, meant the world to her. _"Maybe this will be the one good thing out of Marissa and I breaking up... who am I kidding... as great as this is, nothing great could come out of that...since she won't be by my side anymore..."_

Alex's father was still waiting and when he realized his daughter had gone off into her own little world... "Alex? Are you okay sweetheart?"

She shook herself out of her daze as she heard her father calling her; "yea, sorry about that dad, I kind of went off there for a few."

"I could tell." He smiled on the other side of the phone. "So sweetheart, come on! Tell your ol' man who's been dying to hear from you what's going on in your pretty little head!"

Alex smiled, "thanks for telling me I have a small head dad." She laughed and heard him laugh as well. She took a deep breath and set off to tell her father a short version of her story. She wanted to see him and talk to him properly, face to face. "Alright well, here's the short version. After I moved out of your house and in with Jodie, things were good, up until a couple months ago. Then, I got this really great job opportunity in Newport and I took it. It was the right timing what with things screwing up with Jodie and me, so I moved out of Jodie's apartment and found myself a small apartment near the beach. I wanted to be able to surf every day, like you taught me." Both parties reminisced at the first surf lesson Alex's dad had passed on, it seemed so long ago. "So then I started working at this bar, I was pretty much managing it, it was really great dad," the man could hear how proud his daughter was and that made him happy, "but I was still having a hard time dealing with Jodie and all. Eventually though, someone else walked into my life, someone, someone really special dad. And everything seemed to finally make sense you know?...Dad.. am I pushing this?" She had realized the kinds of water she was treading and she didn't want to lose the opportunity to talk to her dad again, she couldn't help but remember how much she appreciated him while she was growing up, she always went to him when she was having a hard time with something.

"...no, well, yes, well.... no, you're not sweetheart, I want you to be able to come to me with whatever is, that is on your mind, it's just, as much as I am fine with who you're seeing, it might just take a little while to get used to hear you talking about girls like that you know? But I don't want you to hold anything back. In those weird times, I'll pretend I had a son." He had meant it as a joke, to lighten up the mood a little.

"uhhh okay dad... I guess that works..." she was a little offended at her father's choice of words.

He could hear his daughter's tone had changed a little. "Sweetheart, don't take it like that, it's just, for now. It's not the same...don't be hurt by this okay?"

Alex sighed, she figured at least she had someone to talk to in her immediate family, she'd take what she was given. "Alright, I'm sorry, I guess you're right. So, yea, I met someone who finally made me feel like things made sense. I know that may seem hardly credible with only being seventeen and all...but, I really fell for her, and I fell for her fast and hard dad. And last night, things went bad, and I really don't want to walk away, she is so worth me fighting for her, but I don't think she knows that yet, or maybe I just imagined things between us. I really don't think so though...I think she's just afraid you know? But then that doesn't fully make sense, considering she told her mum about us and her best friend...I just, I don't know what to do dad. She let me walk away, and from what I saw after I walked off she seemed to have already gotten back, or at least she was on her way of getting back together with her ex...the guy everyone expects her to be with. And now, I really just want to get out of town, I can't stay here and see her everywhere I turn and know I can't be with her..."

"Oh sweetheart! I really just want to hug you right now...it's hard, I know, but you'll be okay! You're a Kelly! You are strong and you'll be okay, I promise you. Is there anything we can do?" There was so much more the man wanted to add, but he wanted to see his daughter and talk to her in person about what had happened and he wanted to hear the entire story. "Sweetheart, there's so much more I want to add to that, and I really just want to hear the whole story, so when we're face to face, I promise it will be better."

"Thanks dad, that means a lot..but I don't know how this is all going to end.. and yea, there is something you can do...I was hoping maybe I could come back home? Just for a little while if anything, until I find my own place...I really want to get out of here, and as fast as I can."

"Of course you can. You can come back whenever. What about your job though?"

"My job is taken care of, I took care of all the paper work for at least a month and a half. My boss knows as well and he's okay with it...but uhh dad, what about mum? You sure she'll be okay with it?"

"Good to hear, I can help you find a job when you get here. You sound like you're on top of your game, just like I taught you to be! As for your mother, don't worry about her, I'll deal with her when the time comes." He told his daughter affectionately.

"Alright, thanks dad, look, I've got to go for now, I think I'm going to pack up straight away and call my landlord. I'll leave in the morning and I'll call you on the way is that okay?"

"Of course it is sweetheart, you be careful."

"Thanks dad, bye."

"...Alex wait.."

"Yea?"

"If it was meant to be, don't worry about it, things will work out between the two of you. She'll find her way. I know you weren't scared when you started seeing Jodie, but it's not that easy to be who you are meant to be when the whole world could possibly be against you."

"I should have been enough though. She should have known I'd be protecting her no matter what."

"I know sweetheart, but everyone has their way of coping, you just keep yourself safe, and good, and hopefully she'll come find you. Sooner than later."

"Thanks dad, that really means a lot, and I hope so, I really liked her...if not more. Anyways, I'm going to go before I get emotional, and we don't want that." She laughed a little and her father joined in.

"Bye sweetheart, I'll see you tomorrow."

Alex hung up and let out a sigh. She took a looked around and once again, found herself struggling to keep it together seeing her apartment so...Marissa-less. She picked the phone up once more as she set towards the fridge; she grabbed a beer and started dialling her landlords number as she walked back into the living room and cracking open the can. She told him she'd be moving out tomorrow. Once she hung up she decided to pack everything right away, she wanted to leave as early as possible.

* * *

She slowly awoke from her slumber at the sound of her alarm turning off without actually touching it. She started to lift herself from the bed but soon stopped dead in her tracks as she felt the room slowly start to spin and her head, blinding her in pain. She didn't remember much from the previous night, but she was all too used to hangovers to try and pass it off as something else.

She let her body hit the bed once again, she looked to her right and saw Summer sitting there, reading the same magazine as the previous night.

Summer was looking back at her and when she saw Marissa rub her head, she got up and retrieved the bottle of water and Tylenols from the dresser and handed both to Marissa.

"You know Coop," Summer started, "there are other ways to deal with your feelings then downing a bottle of Russians."

Marissa groaned as she grabbed the pills and water, "you know Sum.. there are times when it's way too early in the morning for your witty remarks."

"Yea, well.... you love me AND my witty remarks, you just hate the fact that I'm right!" Summer quipped as she made her way to her bag. "Now come on! Get your ass out of bed, hit the shower so you quit looking like Kate Moss after a night out," she leaned towards Marissa, "plus...you'll stop smelling like a dead cat behind a bar, AND get dressed."

Marissa hid her head underneath a pillow, "urghh and why would I want to do that when I can just stay here all day and sleep?"

"Because Coop! You've already skipped too many days, I can't leave you here alone to mope, who KNOWS how many more bottles you've got hidden and Princess Sparkle can only keep an eye on you. She's not very good with the keeping in line...maybe because she's letting you rebel for her, but I don't care."

"You don't care about Princess Sparkle?" Marissa mumbled. Slowly getting out of her hiding place.

"Of COURSE I do!" Summer wacked her friend with a pillow. "But Princess Sparkle isn't the one who I'm worried, will drown herself in Jack."

Marissa rolled her eyes at her friend.

"Hey! I saw that!" She wacked her again.

"Owwww."

"Oh quit complaining Coop! Get up and go! We have to leave in thirty minutes."

"Whyyyy?" she whined.

"Because if you're skinny little ass doesn't go through that door in the next thirty seconds I'm going Little Miss Vixen rage blackout on your ass." Summer stated, slightly more aggravated at this point.

"Fine..." Marissa grumbled as she made her way to the bathroom.

She shut the door behind her and took a look in the mirror. _"I really look like shit. Urgh, stupid tear stained face mixed with over consumption of alcohol... I should jump in that shower...Summer's right...I do have a Kate Moss glow right now."_

On the other side of the door Summer heard the water finally start up, she was pleased her threats had gone through. As much as she didn't want it to show, she was worried about her best friend, she'd spent the night tossing and turning murmuring Alex's name in her sleep, and every time Summer would try and soothe her she would end up clinging to the dark brunette. That was until she'd mumble something about her not being Alex and then she'd resume tossing and turning.

Eventually however, Marissa had stopped all movements, all of a sudden. She'd turned in Summer's direction with her eyes still closed but her breathing had picked, indicating she was slightly awake; _"Sum?" The sleeping girl asked._

"_Yea Coop.." Summer replied tired._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Sorry about what Coop?" Summer asked, clearly confused._

"_...everything." Marissa slowly replied as sleep was starting to claim her back. "Everything... everything you've been through...because of me... and everything you'll go through...because of my latest mistake with Alex..."_

Summer had been clearly confused at what her friend had mumbled, but as the morning dawned and she had barely gotten any rest, she started to put the pieces together; Marissa had been apologizing in advance for the self-destructive behaviour that was to come. They both knew Summer would be there to pick up the pieces, and both girls knew, these pieces would be much smaller than anything before; neither wanted to admit it though, both hoping they'd be proven wrong.

Summer was shaken from her thoughts as the door opened and Marissa walked out, clad in fresh clothes and looking better. She grabbed her purse and they both headed out to Summer's car.

Both girls got in and drove off, neither spoke as they approached the school and wondered what was going to happen.

* * *

Alex had been packing up since she'd hung up with her landlord; and amazingly enough, she had managed to pack pretty much everything. _"Who knew broken hearts were such helpful hands in the moving department?"_ She looked around at the now empty apartment and headed into her bedroom, she wasn't looking forward to being alone in it once again, but she knew if she wanted to get a somewhat good night sleep so she could spend the day moving, she would have to sleep in her room. Her room, that had become theirs.

She had fallen asleep quite rapidly once she reached the pillow, then again, the long day and five beers could have only helped. She, of course had had a restless night, dreaming nightmares and spending her time tossing and turning. The last dream had left its mark;

_She was out in the ocean, it had always been a peaceful for her. She had always loved going out surfing for an entire day. When she had arrived in Newport, she had found the most perfect spot on the beach. That was where she would go it had become her secret heaven, and she had taken Marissa there. She'd never shown anyone else that special place, but she had taken the girl she'd fallen for there though._

_T here she was, it was a gorgeous day, and she was out waiting for that perfect wave, she had spent the whole day there. She could feel it in her muscles. She sat on her board thinking back to the times she shared with Marissa out by the sea. All of a sudden, the sky darkened, she looked behind her and saw huge waves were heading her way. She was about to start paddling back to the shore when she stopped dead in her tracks._

_There, out on the beach, in that special place that was her heaven, she saw Marissa, right hand holding Ryan's hand, the left teamed up with his right holding up the torch to light the bonfire: just like the night Marissa had let her walk away._

_She couldn't believe what she was seeing, she was so stumped that Marissa had brought an intruder in their spot, and not just any intruder...Ryan._

_She was about to yell out her name when an enormous dark wave crashed over her. It sent her off her board and under the water where an undertow caught her off guard. She was trapped, she knew she wouldn't get out, and the thing that hurt her the most, was that Marissa hadn't even noticed her..._

_She felt her head collide against something hard and that was when everything went bright._

The sunlight shone through brightly and Alex jerked awake from her slumber. She gasped a few times trying to catch her breath as if she really had been trapped under water. Using the back of her right hand she wiped the cold sweat that had formed off her forehead; and with the left she checked her pulse. It was high, but at least she still had one.

She looked over at the clock and realized it was still quite early, six A.M. early...She lazily got up and went to the bathroom, and she took one last shower in her apartment and got ready.

It was seven A.M. when she went around her apartment one last time, she checked each room making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. She didn't want to have to come back once she was out of town. She packed the last of the boxes in her Jeep went back took one look around, tears threatening to start running, and she closed the door to her Newport life. She got in her car and turned on the engine, she was off.

* * *

Ryan and Seth were on their way to the parking lot when they saw Summer's Mini Cooper pull up. Both boys headed on over to greet the two girls.

Seth went up to Summer's side of the car to open her door for her, as Ryan was doing the same for Marissa.

"Thanks," both girls said.

"Hey Marissa, we haven't seen you around here since the ice age! how's it going?" Seth asked in his usual way.

"I'm okay Seth." Marissa replied, somewhat distant.

"Hey, can I talk to you for two minutes?" Ryan asked her tentatively.

"Sure, whatever."

As both headed a little ways from the car, Summer and Seth both called out to them; "We'll see you guys in class."

The pair that had walked away waved and sat on a bench.

"So..about yesterday.." Ryan started out slowly.

"Yeah.. what about yesterday?" She replied a little sharply.

"I wanted to ask how you were doing." He let her tone roll off his shoulders.

"Fine." Marissa could only imagine how his eyes were looking at her more intently, waiting for more, "what about you Ryan? How are you doing?"

"Better now than a while ago, but I meant about the whole Al..."

"Stop." She cut him off.

He looked at her stunned, she met his gaze; "Look, just don't bring her up okay?"

Ryan took this as Marissa way of letting him know there was no reason to bring her up after what Alex had put their relationship through.

In reality, Marissa didn't know how she would react if she were to hear Ryan say her name. She didn't think she could handle hearing his mixture of hate and pride whilst saying her name, knowing he was the one who had Marissa. She didn't want to be 'had' by him, on the surface, maybe, but deep down, she knew she didn't. There was only one person she wanted to be with. But she was afraid of society...she was afraid of scandals...after all, she saw how scandals had hurt her family. She didn't always like her mother, but if there was one thing she admired, it was her strength in the face of adversity when a scandal broke out and society looked down on her. She didn't think she could take it, she wasn't her mother. It was why she'd let Alex walk out. "_Fear. What a stupid emotion,"_ she thought to herself.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yea, why?" She asked him, slightly bitter about how he'd interrupted her reverie.

"The bell went off and you weren't reacting..." he stated.

It was then she realized he was no longer sitting next to her, but standing in front of her, hand extended. She inwardly rolled her eyes, took his hand and ignored the male-ego-filled smirk forming on his lips and headed on over to class.

As Ryan walked her to class he asked her, "Seth wants to have the Fantastic Four reunite at the diner, you're coming with us after class, right?"

"Sure whatever." She let go of his hand as they reached the classroom, "I got to go."

He grabbed her arm gently as she started walking away. She looked down where his hand was and looked back up to meet his eyes. He let go when he saw the anger start to rise in them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just wanted to kiss you...before you left" he explained.

She let out a sigh and kissed his cheek hoping it would be the end of it. She was forced to hold back a grunt when she realized how un-soft his cheek was. It wasn't lik..._ "Oh my God... his lips are on mine."_ Her eyes flew open and she pushed him off of her as gently yet firmly as she could. She turned around and walked in class, leaving the brooding man stunned behind her.

* * *

Alex had been on the road since seven fifteen A.M. she'd wanted to get out of town as quickly as possible, but she'd forgotten how at this time of day, there was a crazy amount of traffic. So there she was, stuck on the highway, waiting to move just another quarter of an inch.

She left the CD player on, it was a means to let go and not have to think about anything. She was trying to keep her mind blank. If everything failed, she thought of her parents, and what it would be like to see them for the first time in months. She was afraid of their reaction but her father had seemed much happier than seven months ago, when he'd kicked her out, when they had talked on the phone. Phone, that reminded her to call;

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

"Hello?" She was pleased to hear her father.

"Hey dad, it's me."

"Hey sweetheart," she loved how his voice had gone back to caring father.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm on my way, I'm stuck in traffic so I don't know how long it'll be but I've left Newport."

"You sure don't waste time huh?" He chuckled lightly. "Alright well, I'll be up so be careful and I'll see you soon."

"Bye dad, see you soon." She hung up the phone and kept on waiting stuck there, between cars.

It wasn't until eight forty-five that she pulled up in front of the house that had seen her grow up. She took a deep breath and turned off the engine. She slowly got out of the car and made her way to the front door, she debated whether or not she should use her key. She decided on knocking was the safe bet.

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

She waited as she heard noise come from inside.

The door opened, and there he was, the father she hadn't seen in months. His smile grew to great proportions as he saw his daughter, standing there.

"Hey sweetheart," he enveloped her in a great big bear hug and she revelled in the feeling, she realized in that moment, she missed him more then she thought possible after everything they'd been through.

"Hey dad," she mumbled her head trapped in the hug.

"Come in, you're mother's in the kitchen." He saw the look on his daughter's face, "don't worry sweetheart, she's still not fully on board, but I talked to her and everything will be okay."

"Thanks dad," she let out a small smile as she walked back into her old life, surprised at how little the place had changed.

She saw her mother in the kitchen, looking her way, "Hi mum..."

"Hi." The woman let out a breath, she visibly had been holding back. She stood up and walked towards her daughter, she wrapped her arms around her as she whispered in her ear; "welcome home."

Alex smiled into the embrace, "it's good to be back," she pushed her mother away slightly, waited until their eyes met, "and it's good to see you mum."


	4. Chapter Four: The Constant Lover

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

Three months... it had been three months since she had let Alex walk away from her without a fight; and there wasn't a single day, during which she didn't regret what had happened. If there was one thing she wished for more than anything in the world, it was to have that moment back. She wished she could find herself on that beach again so that, that same heated exchange could happen all over again.

No, she wasn't crazy for wanting that to happen all over, she only wanted it to re-occur so she could change the ending, and match the passion she had seen in Alex's amazing blue-green eyes. In the time they were together, she had seen so many different emotions course through those eyes; it wasn't the first time that passion had flashed through. It was however, the first time she had seen that much rawness in them.

* * *

It was a quiet night at the club, one of her dad's friends owned a bar, and her father had managed to convince his friend to take on his daughter. Josh had been reluctant at first; after all, Alex was only eighteen and he couldn't simply hire her because she was his friend's daughter.

However, Dave had fought with Josh, telling him that his daughter had managed a club all on her own during her stay in Newport. After hearing this, Josh had called up the owner of the Bait Shop; he was certainly surprised at the recommendation he got. Here he was, expecting to be told that Alex had been a lazy drop out who had simply signed up for the bar scene gigs thinking it would be easy work; however, from what he was hearing Alex was apparently the single greatest employee The Bait Shop had seen and he would be lucky to have her.

That phone call was all he needed; he called Alex right up and told her she could start immediately. The bar she was now working at wasn't like the Bait Shop, but it was what she knew how to do, and she was damn good at it. She had started, had worked like a crazy employee to prove herself to her new boss, and once she knew how good she was, she made some suggestions to improve the bar. After heavy consideration, he decided he'd give Alex's ideas a go.

Saying he was shocked by the results was nothing short of reality, when he saw his numbers rocket thanks to Alex's ideas, he was amazed and immediately decided that from that point on, he would trust the blonde no matter what; after all, she just kept on proving her worth.

Tonight was one of the quietest nights Alex had ever seen, she was standing there, staring out at the empty bar. This was not good, every time she had nothing to occupy herself with, her thoughts would only travel in one direction, and that direction ultimately led to one and only, Marissa.

She was trying to distract herself by sending her mind soaring into the present, thinking about how things were now at home and how things had progressed from when she had first stepped back foot into her old home. She was ecstatic to say the least about her father's turn around behaviour, they had rekindled their old unique father/daughter bond and she was eternally grateful. There was even one night during which she had been able to talk to him about Jodie, Marissa, and anyone else who had entered her life while she was gone, even Seth had made an appearance. They were finally talking like they used and he was okay with his daughter's orientation. He didn't even have to think of her as a boy when they started talking about girls. It was nice for her to see her father be able to open up to her as well, they had both greatly benefited from the renewed relationship.

Her mum on the other hand, she was still struggling a little with the idea, but she could no longer deny how much she had missed having her wild child back into the house. When she had hugged her daughter for the first time in months, she realized just how much she loved her daughter no matter what she was and who she was seeing. She just had to become comfortable with it; and she had asked her daughter to give her a little more time... which Alex understood. She was simply happy that her mum was at least beginning to open up and be less tense about things.

* * *

It was a Saturday, _"thank God for no school,"_ Marissa thought to herself as she tried to get out of bed, failing miserably once the room started spinning.

"Urgh!"

_Ring!_

_Ring!_

_Ring!_

"Who the hell..." she growled to no one in particular, mentally cursing whomever dared calling so..."oh." She spoke to herself realizing it was actually twelve.

"Ello?" She answered before it would start ringing again.

"HEY!"

She rolled her eyes, "Ryan..." she yawned into the phone.

"Did I wake you?" he asked confused.

"No...I'm merely yawning for impressive sound effects." She grumpily replied.

"Okay... you alright?"

"Uh huh, _how could I not be? After all, I'm yours, the one person I loved and who loved me is out of my life, yea, I'm just Grr-eat!"_ She thought. She didn't want to hear him push her buttons, so she quickly added; "You? What made you call?"

"Uh... well, I just wanted to let you know, Trey's being released and Sandy and I are going to pick him up..."

"Oh," she softened, "you okay?"

"Yea, I think so... I have to give him a chance right? I mean, he's the only family I've got..."

"Ryan... you know you're part of the Cohen's family, and mine." No matter where her feeling lay, the brunette knew that Ryan would always hold a part of her heart, it just wasn't where he wanted them o be...

Ryan smiled, "I know, but it's not the same...he's my blood, I have to be there for him, no one else will be..."

"I know, just be careful. Maybe he's actually changed, maybe things will be different from now on." After all, she knew how important family was to the blonde boy.

"Mmhm."

"... you want me to come with you?" She asked him.

"No... I'm going with Sandy, but, if you want to come over later, I'm sure we could watch a movie or something?"

"Alright, see you later Ryan."

"Love you."

She hung up after he had uttered those words, she didn't want to have to force herself to say it, sure, she loved him, but ever since the bonfire she had never been able to mean it, she couldn't love him the way she used to... her heart belonged to someone else...

* * *

She was working late again, her boss had put her in charge of Friday Night Mayhems as they now called the night. It was the night that she had 'organized,' the one night of the week specifically aimed for a general audience. They had made it an all age's night, and every Friday, they'd have a couple of local bands play or if they were lucky they'd sign up an up and coming band.

Both Alex and Josh were amazed at the turn up they kept getting each week; the word was spreading about Friday nights at Delusions. Of course, Josh was aware of Alex's past and her capability in managing the Bait Shop, and of course he wasn't an idiot, he knew kids liked to party, and he had wanted to widen his audience for a while, so when Alex had presented her ideas, he had jumped at the chance, and he was amazed every week.

He watched her from the second floor as she made her way from the office to the bar, this week's band had just finished playing and there was a mob of thirsty sweaty kids waiting for drinks. She never ceased to impress him; she was an attentive manager and helped with whatever whenever she could. She didn't have to work the bar, yet every time the bartenders were starting to rush, and she had the time, she would jump in and help. Every other manager he'd hired would always be drinking, right next to the bar, never taking the time to help out, they'd manage, but never take off their own gloves and head in to the mess. It was one of the many things he liked about Alex.

He saw a petite red head approach Alex; and he could tell she wasn't going up just for a drink; she had a certain, vibe that even he could pick up from where he stood. He smiled, he was aware of Alex's situation back home, and when she had started working for him, he had told her that who she saw didn't bother him what-so-ever and if she ever needed an ear, he would be there for her. He had never regretted the offer. Alex had become the daughter he never had, she didn't take him up on his offer often, but every once in a blue moon she would ask if she could talk, and he'd listen. He knew that ever since she'd come back in town, she had a hard time letting go of Newport.

* * *

Alex had finished serving a group of guys their fifteen jager bombs; she smiled as she heard them cheer each other on. She turned back around and approached the petite red-head head as she passed a cloth over the bar; "Hey! Can I get you anything?" She asked the girl.

"How about your number?" The girl answered, clearly confident as a small smirk graced her lips.

Alex was a little taken aback; of course, she had been hit on before, that wasn't new, but it was rarely by a sober girl who was also so direct about it. "Uh...how about a drink?" She decided to counter.

The girl licked her lips, she had other thoughts running through her mind, "I was kind of set on getting your number... maybe drinks later? You and me?"

"Sorry, I'm flattered, but I'm going to have to say no." Alex added, she didn't want to hurt the girl's feelings, she actually seemed nice and not one of the crazy's who would often ask her for her number, but she also knew that she wasn't ready for any of this... _"even though it's been three months... I can't say yes, URGH! There has GOT to be something wrong with me!"_

"Alright, that's fair. But... if you change your mind..." she reached over the bar and grabbed the pen Alex had stuck behind her ear, she then took hold of Alex's hand and scribbled a number, "now you've got mine." And with that said, she leaned over the bar once again and replaced the pen and walked away after throwing Alex one last smirk over her shoulder.

Alex was flabbergasted; she looked down and didn't know what to think. She shook herself out of her daze and went back to serving drinks.

* * *

Marissa was on her way to Trey's to celebrate his new job; after all, she had told Ryan she would hang out with him while he was out visiting the Nana, and she didn't want Trey to get caught up celebrating alone, who knew how that would end up.

She'd rented a couple of movie and made her way over, when she got there she took a few seconds to trace over the 'A' that was still by the door. She couldn't help herself, this was too much 'Alex' for her to handle in one day; first, the Bait Shop earlier had been a sight of its own, she hadn't stepped foot in there since Alex had left and while she was waiting for Trey, she couldn't help herself but think back to all the times she had spent there. As she saw Trey walking out of the office, she couldn't help but remember all the times she'd walked in there herself.

She snapped herself out of it and knocked waiting for Trey. He opened the door and welcomed her in, as he made his way to the kitchen; she smiled to herself thinking maybe he really had changed after all.

He came back and they got to playing a game of quarters. They'd been playing for a while when Trey manage to get another consecutive one in.

"Oh, man, okay, you are... way too good at this." Marissa said, "cause... I've lost, like... ten times in a row."

"Yea, well... I was All-Chino in drinking," Trey added.

"Yea, well, I thought I was All-Newport, but clearly you're in a league of your own..." Marissa commented, "because I'm... wow," she finished clearly starting to feel the effects.

"Maybe we should watch that movie," Trey told her as he made his way around the table and next to her on the couch.

"You know, maybe we should get some air first," Marissa interrupted all of a sudden after the two had glanced at the other back and forth, "cause I don't want to fall asleep during the movie. It's really good."

"Uh, yea, sure." He got up and extended his hand looking down at Marissa. "Let's do it!" He exclaimed once Marissa and he were close to the door.

Marissa opened the door; "I definitely need some air," she could feel the alcohol even more now that she was in an upright position.

"Hey, you know what? I will be right there." Trey started, "I just need to get my jacket," he finished as he made his way to close the door once Marissa had agreed. He started heading towards the kitchen and subtly checked to see if Marissa was still close by the door, noting the coast was clear he went back in the living room and went to grab his bag of coke, he sniffed a few, got his coat, and headed out.

* * *

It was her first night off in a long time and she even had the next day off; her old friends from L.A. wanted to go out since they hadn't had a chance to ever since she'd come back. They had seen her, of course, but they all hadn't had the chance to go out, out. She'd agreed; her mind had been too pre-occupied lately anyways, a night off wouldn't hurt.

They somehow still ended up at the club she worked at, it's not like Alex really did mind, it was Friday night and the band that was playing tonight was great; and at the same time, being the manager she was, she got to keep an eye on her special night, so all in all, she couldn't really complain.

They walked in and she couldn't help but notice how the scene before her seemed to reflect how it had been while she worked back in Newport.

"Let's go get drinks before we sit!" Parker yelled out, snapping Alex out of her thoughts.

"Huh?... OH! Right... right behind you," Alex replied.

Kim, who had been behind the two, grabbed Alex's arm and held her back for a few, Alex turned around; "You okay?" She asked the blonde.

"Yea..I'm fine," Alex shook her head and turned back towards the bar and where Parker had gone. She didn't want to have to explain this all over again, sure Parker and Kim had been her childhood friends, but Alex already had had enough of re-telling her story to her folks, besides, tonight she wanted to try and rid her mind of thoughts revolving around Newport and its occupants.

Her friends would be lying if they said they weren't worried. Alex had never been a big talker, but they could tell something intense had happened in Newport. After all, they knew that Alex's mode was to run from situations, when things went wrong with her folks, she moved away from them, when things went bad with Jodie, she moved even farther away... but whatever had happened in Newport, had sent her back home, where she had started all of her running. They could only imagine how hard it must have been for her to come back, all they wanted was to be there for her; but she simply wasn't letting them in.

They had figured it had to do with a girl. Kim had been extremely worried a few weeks back when Alex seemed to have hit an even lower point, so she had gone to see Jodie. She wanted to see if the Latina had known anything... All she had said was that it could have been some Marissa chick, that she hadn't seen Alex since.

Kim and Parker had seen Alex recoil more and more into herself. They had decided that enough was enough, if she wasn't going to tell them, they were going to have fun and get the poor girls mind out of her head. Hopefully focus on something other than what was bothering her, and maybe, thanks to their friend Mr. Alcohol, they would find out what had happened.

They made it to the bar and got their drinks. Alex then led them to a free table where they could all sit down. They started up a random conversation and both girls could see how Alex was still stuck in her mind, _"so much for having fun..." _Kim thought to herself. She glanced over at Parker and they both knew that they needed her to talk to them, now. They couldn't stand watching her hurt like this anymore.

"OKAY! That's it!" Parker yelled out.

"Huh... what?" Alex asked confused, she had heard which song had come on and it had reminded her of Marissa.

"Alex, come on! It's been three months!" Kim added.

"Seriously, you've been back in town for like... months and you're still consumed by this Marissa girl!" Parker chimed in.

Alex looked at her confused, _"how do they know about Marissa..."_

"Which, is totally unlike you...well, apart from Jodie that is." Kim commented.

"You won't talk about what happened which only means it could have been just as intense as Jodie..." Parker let it trail.

"Or worse," Kim continued.

"Even more intense..." Parker completed.

Alex had been following the conversation like one would a tennis match. "Uh..." she started but stopped when she realized she didn't know what she wanted to say.

"You have GOT to talk to us hun. We're here for you, but it's hard to help you when we don't know what happened. I mean... you came BACK... what happened in Newport?" Kim had softened her tone when she saw Alex's eyes flash panic, only for a second though.

Parker saw the same thing flicker through her lifelong friend's eyes and carried on Kim's train of thoughts, "look sweetie, we love you, and whatever it is, we will do whatever we can to help you."

"But you have to trust us, and open up, we know you don't like to talk about stuff hun, but..."

"I mean, shit! We've already established that whatever happened over there left you worse off than Jodie, cause... let's face it..."

"When things went bad with Jodie, you went even farther away... sure, Jodie consumed your mind..."

"But never to this extent... we can see this is something bigger than that... you've been back here for a few months already..."

"Yet, it's like you're still gone... hun, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you always look lost..."

"And sweetie, you know we don't mean that in a bad way, it's just we are SO worried about you..."

"In all the eighteen years we've known you, we have never seen you like this... whatever it is, you shouldn't be going through it alone."

Alex kept looking at them both, "_how do they know so much",_ she hadn't said a word about what had happened yet here they were before her, and they knew all the basics...

Kim saw Alex's look, she knew her and Parker would have to keep on prying her, but they also knew they couldn't push too far, otherwise Alex would recoil even farther away from their attempts. "Come on Alex, we've known you our entire lives..."

"You KNOW we have got your back no matter what!"

"And our fists in whomever's face hurt you like this!"

Alex smiled a slight real smile for the first time that night, she had forgotten how much she missed her friends, and how incredibly annoying yet amazing their ability to communicate was. She had missed her twin friends, they had always been there for her, she knew that and she knew that she could trust them. It wasn't a matter of trust, it was a matter of her trying to shut those doors.

She had wanted to leave Newport and all of its accessories behind when she drove off. If she had to tell them what had happened she was only opening two windows that she could never shut. It was harder to try and forget about something when you had someone who cared about you un-knowingly drop hints about a past you were trying to rid yourself of.

She took a deep breath, "I love you guys, you know that?"

Both girls smiled at her question, "we know," they both said in unison. They could both see Alex was having a hard time deciding whether or not to open up. They saw her unconsciously grab at her heart necklace, she looked into her lap for a few moments and when she finally looked up they could see her eyes, they were heavier than they had been a few seconds earlier; "It's a long story," she said.

They both smiled again and once again, in unison; "We've got time."

* * *

Marissa was standing outside the door, she had planned on meeting Trey at the end of the driveway, but she had stopped once again when the 'A' by the door caught her attention again. She unconsciously reached up to grab the heart necklace, but as she always had in the last three months, she only grabbed thin air. She took a deep breath and tried to clear her mind of Alex... but after having spent the night in her,_ "our"_ old apartment, drinking, it only seemed to bring back an even more steady stream of memories.

They had gone from strangers meeting for the first time in a bar during Ryan and Seth's 'group hang' and had evolved into an exciting friendship, which in turn led to their own relationship. She smiled at the memory, and that's when Trey walked out; "Hey, you okay?" He asked her when he saw the distant look in her eyes.

"Yea... just, memories, that's all."

He smirked, _"what possible memories could she get from staring at the 'A' next to the door?"_ he thought to himself. "Memories of what?...If I may ask of course," he added when he saw her eyes had grown sad at the question.

"Memories of the person who lived here before."

Trey thought about it for a moment before he realized that it was Marissa who had told him about this place. He had never wondered how she had known it was available; but now that she had mentioned it, it was fairly odd. How had McMansion Marissa had known of this little apartment. "How'd you know the person who was here before?" He asked as they started to walk towards the beach.

"We were together for a short while." She stated simply, she was struggling to keep it together. She didn't want Trey to see her like that. She hoped the questions would end there.

Trey didn't want to push too much, but he was curious, Ryan hadn't said anything about her seeing someone in between; "How come he left?"

Marissa smirked, _"why must they all assume it's always a guy..." _she thought to herself but then snapped out of it and went back to answer Trey. "She," she emphasized the word watching Trey's eyes grow confused and then click, "left after... well...." she took a deep breath, _"how on EARTH do you explain to someone that you ran someone out of town?" _"it's a long story... I'd rather not get into it." She finished as they had finally reached the shore line.

Trey just stared at her a little longer, he could not believe what he had just heard, and what had his brother withheld from him! _"My my my... my brother, finds himself with a girl... who's been with a girl..."_ His thoughts obviously imagining Marissa with another girl.

Marissa was content with Trey's obvious lack of a response, it gave her a chance to try and push back all of the emotions she had just been feeling. _"Then again.. he's probably not talking because his mind is now imagining things I should be annoyed at, but hey, at least he's quiet."

* * *

_

"Wow..." Kim started once Alex was finished her tale, voicing both her and her sister's thoughts.

"Shit dude... I am SO, so sorry you went through that." Parker added.

"Yea... so, that... that was Newport." Alex commented, she felt like she could definitely use another drink after telling her friends the story that was Marissa. She had to admit it felt a little better though to have been able to tell the two girls she had grown accustomed to considering her sisters. It had felt good to finally be able to say everything, to tell them how she had truly felt for this girl, and why it had left her in the state she was in now.

"Man... and she's the reason you came back home? Kim asked.

"Yea... I realized while I was there that I needed to make amends with my folks. She made me realize how much I had missed them, I mean, sure I missed them, but when I saw her with her mum... I mean, I saw their relationship and it wasn't a good one, but they still stuck together, and I realized I wanted that with my parents."

"Wow." Kim re-stated.

Alex had been talking for the better part of the last hour and a half, stopping to answer their questions when they had some and to order more drinks. They all had had a decent amount, but after re-telling the story, she needed more, she wanted to forget, again.

Just as she was thinking about everything, Jesse one of the waitresses came up to them with their next round of drinks. She dropped a shooter in front of Alex as well who looked up at her confused. She was trying to remember if she'd ordered a shot or not, that's when Jesse pointed to the bar; "she sent it over, said you looked like you needed it."

The three girls looked in the direction Jesse was pointing and could clearly make out the petite red-head who was sitting there. None of them knew who she was, except for Alex, _"she looks familiar... who is she... must be a regular and I've seen her while I was wo... OH MY GOD! It's the girl from the other night..."_ As she realized who the girl was she decided no harm could come from this and so she raised her glass to the girl who did the same at the bar. Both girls took their respective shots of Jack.

Parker smirked at her sister, and when both girls knew they were sharing the same idea, they turned and stared at Alex who was busying herself with the burning sensation going down her throat.

When she opened her eyes, she was faced with four identical deep brown, mischievous eyes. "What?"

"Girl, we. Are. Hooking. You. Up. Tonight!" Parker exclaimed.

Alex choked a little on the beer she had been drinking from; "Wh..what?!"

"Come on! She's totally into you, and this is JUST what you need!" Kim told her.

"What? Hooking up and having mindless-make-out-that-may-or-may-not-lead-to-sex?!" She questioned. When they both nodded she simply looked at them, regained all of her composure and was betrayed by her cracking voice; "N..NO!"

"OH COME ON ALEX!" Parker started.

Kim finished, "why not?!"

"Because..."

"Because what?" Parker cut her off.

"I don't want to!"

"But hun... you SOO need it!" Kim dragged on.

"It'll help you get your mind off of things!"

"It'll be fun."

"And stupid..." Alex mumbled between the two's incessant banter.

Parker waved away her last comment and waved over the waitress.

"What can I get you ladies?" Jesse asked.

"Us nothing, but, could you send..." Kim began.

"On behalf of Alex of course..." Parker added.

"A drink to the girl who just sent her a shot?"

"Yea, sur..."

Alex cut Jesse off, "NO! Please, Jesse! Don't let them take advantage of this!" Alex pleaded.

Jesse smiled down at her fellow bartender and friend, "Sweetie, it'll only help you. Besides, if you REALLY want out, you can tell her yourself." She told her as she high-fived the twins and walked away.

Alex slammed her forehead on the table and kept on doing so until Parker stopped her by grabbing her face between her own two hands. "Look, it's stupid. It's juvenile. We ALL know it won't fix anything, but maybe at least it'll give you a temporary fix."

"You need to get out of this, you're only hurting yourself more and more as time passes by."

"We know this girl meant a whole lot to you, and this is probably one of our stupidest ideas, but, take this night as it is and just have some fun and blow off some steam." She let Alex go when she saw the blonde was trying to speak.

"What best friends tell another friend to go have mindless sex for one night to 'fix' their problems..." she mumbles.

"Stupid ones..." Parker started.

"But desperate times, call for desperate measures." Kim completed.

They sat silent for a few seconds until they saw the girl approach them; "Hey, can I join you?"

Kim started getting up, quickly followed by her sister, Alex looked at them confused.

"Actually..." Kim began.

"We were just going." Parked added.

They smiled at Alex who was now flashing them a look of mixed terror and anger. They looked back at the girl who was about to leave; "but Alex here," Kim pointed, "is staying."

Parker finished it off; "keep her good company." She winked at them both and started to walk away followed by Kim.

The girl smiled at Alex and eased herself in the seat across from Alex.

"Call us tomorrow!" They yelled at her before they were out of earshot.

Momentarily forgetting she wasn't alone, Alex slammed her head down on the table again. She left it there this time, after a few seconds, she felt she was being stared at; she slowly turned her head to the side and opened one eye. She was met with a curious and confused pair of eyes, which were attached to a slightly cocked and amused head. "Hi," she mumbled her face still stuck on the table.

"Hi yourself," the red head replied.

* * *

They kept on walking and after a while Trey finally broke the comfortable silence that had erupted between them. "How are you feeling?"

She looked at him, "Better, thanks."

"Yea, how could you not?"

Marissa left the question un-answered.

Trey continued, "what a night! Look at this place!"

Trey was starting to act... differently and Marissa was starting to feel a little weary but brushed it off, "it's pretty great." She replied.

"It's amazing! I got a job, a great place, great friends." He slightly nudged her on the last one.

They shared a quick smile and then stayed quiet.

Marissa was snapped back into reality when she heard Trey howl.

She just stared at him, and he stared back; "COME ON! Come on, come on, howl with me!" He told her. He howled once more, looking at her expectantly.

She howled a measly howl and looked back at him.

"Dude, that was terrible!" He told her.

"What? I'm not one for the howling."

"Oh no?" He asked, then he flashed her a mischievous grin, "you just need to be woken up." He ran the short distance that was separating them and grabbed her around the waist and started spinning her around until he finally let go.

"Woah..." Marissa said trying to regain her footing.

"Hey, you know, when I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything."

The weary feeling started to loom over her again.

"And... I've never felt that way before."

"That's sweet." She told him, she was starting to get more and more worried, Trey's eyes were displaying an emotion she couldn't quite place, but she knew she didn't like it.

"You know... we're not so different you and me." He was getting closer to her.

"Hey, you know, I think, maybe it's time..." she couldn't finish, she felt Trey's hands rest upon her waist, but nothing comforting was coming from his action.

She tried to break free; "Wait, wait wait. Where are you going?" Trey asked her.

"Trey, what are you...?" She was definitely not liking this and she couldn't seem to get out of his hold.

"Come on, come on." He tightened the hold he had on her, "I've seen the way you look at me. You know, no one's ever been this nice to me."

"That's because you're Ryan's brother." She told him.

"No, it's more than that," he told her trying to convince her, "And I get it, you don't want to hurt him. But he doesn't have to know."

She tried to get away from him but he was too strong, and she knew in reality, she had no chance, but she couldn't just give up. "No, Trey. No. No way, okay?" She was still squirming in his grasp. "Never." She finally told him.

"Wh..what, wait, wait wait." He held her still and searched her eyes; "What, I'm not good enough?" He asked her, anger starting to become evident.

Marissa couldn't help the under-lining fear that was in her voice, it became louder and she knew Trey would be able to tell that she was scared and that she didn't want this; but when he looked at her, she saw his eyes were almost entirely black. The over-whelming fear she had felt earlier now became clear, Trey wasn't thinking straight. However, this still gave him no excuse. "No, look, I don't mean it like that. Okay, just... let go." She pleaded with him.

Trey steadied her and kissed her, she couldn't help but feel repulsed, "come on, come on," he said. "Look, Ryan get's all the good life huh? Right?"

They fell to the beach, him on top and Marissa realized her chances of getting away were even slimmer than they were before; "Get off, of me," she cried.

He pinned her down again as she tried to get off the ground underneath him. "Come on. No one needs to know."

"Get off me! Off of me..." she cried out again, but she was silenced by his lips on hers once again. "Please, help..." When he moved away and started to work his way down to her lower half she turned and saw a log lying next to her. She tried to push him off of her one last time conjuring up any last form of strength she had left. She managed to get free all of two seconds; but it was long enough for her to grasp the log and hit Trey on the side of the head with it.

"OWWWW" He yelled as he let go of her and took hold of the spot where he could feel blood already seeping out.

She crawled away from him only to feel his hands on her once again but this time she had his head wound to her advantage and managed to slip out of his grasp before he could take hold of her properly. She ran away from him and looked back, she could faintly hear him call out; "waiiit," but she never stopped.

* * *

Alex raised herself to an upright position, "How are you?" She asked.

"Good. Now that I'm sitting with this gorgeous blonde," she winked.

Alex couldn't help but smile, the girl was purposely being corny, and they both knew it; "Oh yea? Where is she?" Alex played along.

"Huh!" the girl looked around, "I guess she disappeared," she looked back at Alex, "ahh! She came back!" She made a mock-shocked face, "you could see her you know?"

"Really?" Alex turned around to see behind her.

"Yea. If I had a mirror in front of me, you could possibly see her."

Both girls kept their poker face on for a total of three seconds before both of them burst out laughing at the cheesy-ness of it all. Alex hadn't laughed like that in a long time, and visibly, the alcohol coursing through her blood influenced her next action: she extended her hand, "hi, I'm Alex." She smiled.

"I'm Roxy," the red-head told her, "care to dance Alex?"

Alex was going to kindly decline the offer when her ears perked up. She knew this song, she hated admitting it, but it was a guilty pleasure; "I am only agreeing because Dance Dance and Fall Out Boy are guilty pleasures of mine." She saw the girl about to burst out, "and if you EVER tell anyone, you. Are. Dead." Alex told her threateningly.

Roxy tried to stifle her laughter and made a motion to say her lips were sealed, both girls got up and headed over to the dance floor.

They were both having an amazing time, Alex really couldn't help but feel her spirits being slightly lifted. Of course, she was still feeling depressed about having lost Marissa; but she couldn't deny that Roxy's uplifting nature was taking its toll on her moral. The red-head was indeed making her feel better. Maybe her friends had been right, maybe living in the moment was what she needed the most right now, maybe she needed to move on. _"For now anywho..."_

Alex couldn't deny that the girl she was with was attractive, and her personality only amplified everything about her; but she had a hard time looking into her eyes. They were green, not like Marissa's green, but just the fact that it was the same colour, every time she would look into them and see joy, she couldn't help but think of the last time she had looked into Marissa's pained eyes, the night of the bonfire...

When she wandered out of her mind, she noticed the song that was now playing, was much slower. She looked back at Roxy who was kindly asking permission with one look, Alex, instead of voicing her response, merely reached out and wrapped her arms around Roxy's neck.

Roxy smiled and gently let her hands rest on Alex's waist, she was trying to reach those blue-green eyes, but she could see Alex was having a hard time meeting her gaze. She wasn't one to push, and she wasn't about to start now; but the few times she had been able to catch Alex's eyes, she could see the protective walls shooting up, she could see the distant look they had, and she genuinely wished there was something she could do for the girl.

They were both gently swaying to the sound of the music, Alex finally decided on letting go of everything, if just for one night, she pushed everything aside, put her walls at their highest, but decided to be open. She finally met Roxy's gaze, it was hard, but she kept on. She was surprised when she saw understanding and compassion there; but she was glad. She smiled, "Thank you... for tonight," Alex told her.

Roxy smiled again, "you are more than welcome, my pleasure really."

Their eyes met once again, unconsciously, both girls eyes wandered to the others lips, Roxy was the first to act and Alex quickly followed; as their lips neared one another, Alex had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't quite pin point what it was but she brushed it off figuring it was the alcohol. Their lips met as they kept on dancing the night away.

* * *

Summer was on her way home from Zack's, she was still infuriated with Seth's behaviour on TV, _"URGH! I knew that bobble head was going to do something like that! It was nice hanging out with Zack though... can't believe I kissed him... damnit Roberts! You sunk to Cohen's level..." _Grumbling to herself, she made her way home, she had left Zack's in a hurry, she had this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach and she couldn't figure out what it was.

As she stepped foot into the house, the feeling only seemed to grow, now that she was home she knew the feeling wasn't anything to do with the kiss. This feeling had only happened a few times before, and every time... "Marissa..." she let out. She knew this had to do with her friend, she couldn't figure out what it would be though... Of course she had noticed how the taller of the two hadn't been the same ever since Alex had left.

Summer had seen her best friend go through a whole lot in her life, hell, she'd seen Marissa self-destruct better than anyone else; but she had never been this worried about the fellow brunette in a really long time.

She had seen her go through breakups, but no one had ever seemed to throw her into the stupor she was now in. She'd started drinking heavily again, if not even more so than before, Summer had had a lot of time to think about these things, she realized, that even though her Coop had been more distant from her while she was with Alex, she definitely had been in better shape. She didn't know what Alex had done, but Marissa was definitely a better person while she was with Alex and she wondered if that may have been why Marissa had been so out of it ever since the blonde had left.

With that thought in mind, Summer made her way to her bedroom, the feeling she had in her gut was only intensifying as she approached her door. She tried to shake it off knowing she would call Marissa once she was in her room, but the minute the door was open, the racking sobs she heard definitely caught her full attention. She knew, she didn't have to hit the switch to see, she had been in this situation before. She dropped her purse on the ground and crawled over to the bed.

"H...hey," Marissa strangled voice managed. She broke down even more once she felt Summer hug her as best as she could.

"Shh, it's going to be okay now hun," Summer reassured her, wondering what on earth could have sent Marissa over the edge. She was shaking uncontrollably, she could smell the alcohol, but for once, she knew this wasn't what had happened... something worse had gone down.

* * *

It took a while, but Marissa finally stopped crying. She could feel Summer's soothing hand rub circles in between her shoulder blades.

"S..Sum?" she tried.

"Yea Coop, I'm right here. Do you need anything?" Summer's voice was so soft, Marissa didn't know what she had done to deserve a friend like her, frankly, she never thought she deserved the shorter brunette's friendship. _"The one thing I want..." _"I just... I... I'm scared Sum..." Marissa didn't know what else to say, she cringed as she admitted she was scared. However, she knew the second best person to tell would be Summer. The first was the one person she had loved, truly, with all her heart, and then pushed away.

Summer was slightly surprised, she was used to seeing her best friend hurt, she had seen her in an inebriated state countless times, she'd seen her cry maybe a handful of times, but she had never heard her flat out admit she was afraid.

"It's going to be okay Coop, we'll get through this, we always do," Summer began, she head the other girl's breathing start to hitch again, "shh, don't cry hun, everything's going to be okay."

Marissa simply held on tighter, she had made the mistake once of letting someone she truly cared about who returned the feeling go; and she wasn't about to let Summer go as well. Summer was her last straw of hope.

The shorter brunette was still rubbing circles on her back when she thought it might be okay if she tried getting her friend to open up. "Coop?" She asked slowly.

"Yea?" Marissa's response was barely above a whisper.

"Do you think you're able to tell me what happened tonight?"

Marissa visibly stiffened at the thought of talking about what had happened. Summer could feel Marissa had momentarily stopped breathing and wasn't relaxing into the hold she had on the taller girl anymore.

It was then that Summer remembered how Marissa had told Ryan that she would hang out with Trey while he was gone; "Coop, you were with Trey no? Did something happen? Should I call Ryan?"

"NO!" Marissa all of a sudden jerked out of Summer's protective arms, the shorter girl could see the utter look of shock and fear cross her friend's features.

"Okay Coop," her tone was still soft, but had adopted a sternness to it as well. Seeing her friend like this, she knew she couldn't drop it. She wouldn't call Ryan, but she had to know what had happened, "I love you, and I know you don't like letting people in, but honey, I see the look you're giving me now... You have to tell me what happened tonight, I'm worried about you Marissa," Marissa seemed to have been affected by that last line.

Summer rarely EVER called her by her full name, let alone her first name, the shorter of the two continued, "if you don't let me help you now, I'm scared of letting you leave..." Summer got up and walked over to Marissa, she put a hand on the taller girls shoulder reassuringly, showing her it was okay to tell her what had happened. She led her back to the bed where they could sit back down.

* * *

Marissa took a deep breath, she was going to open up a whole unexpected can of worms tonight, but she couldn't do this anymore. It was all too much and she knew if she didn't tell Summer now, she was going to end up crazy. Tonight had proven the last drop she could handle...

"Sum?" She started willing her voice not to crack.

"Yea Coop?" Summer braced herself, she knew what was coming wasn't going to be pleasant, but she had to be strong for Marissa, they'd get through whatever, they always had, and always would.

"Do you think she loved me?" Marissa asked, barely above a whisper. Summer was confused, she was expecting to hear something revolving around Trey. _"Who is Coop talking about?... Me? No! Of course not, Coop knows I love her. Her mum? Well...their relationship has always been a little strained, but Coop knows that Julie Cooper-Nichol, no matter how bitchy she is, will always do whatever it takes for her daughters. Kaitlin? Kaitlin doesn't even make sense in this question, unless she's back in town...So, who could the.... Alex."_ She couldn't just bring up the blonde though, Summer had to make sure they were indeed talking about the same 'she.'

They hadn't spoken much about Marissa's relationship with Alex after the blonde had left; but Summer knew that Marissa had truly been changed by it. It was the first relationship where she actually seemed to be genuinely happy, sure, she had been happy with Ryan and Luke in the beginning, but Alex had managed to extract a whole other Marissa, the Marissa Summer KNEW was the real one, the one she hadn't seen in a REALLY long time.

With confusion still written over her face she asked, "honey... I love you but..."

She was cut off by a frustrated Marissa. "NO!" Marissa calmed down after taking a deep breath, "I mean, I know YOU love me Sum... but I meant..." her voice cracked, she hadn't said _her_ name out loud in such a long time... "Do y... you thi...think Al... Alex loved me?" She struggled to get the words out what with her sobbing starting up all over again.

Still confused about how Trey/Ryan had delved into Alex, Summer decided to face this full on, after all, if Marissa was bringing up Alex before explaining what had happened with Trey, it had to have a link; and if it didn't, well it didn't matter, it was about time that Summer talked about Alex with Marissa.

She didn't want to push Marissa after the break up, and as much as Marissa had said she was fine, Summer had known Alex had had a whole other kind of hold over her friend. "WHAT?!" Summer calmed down as well, "of course she did! How can you even question that Coop? That girl was C.R.A.Z.Y. about you! You can't doubt that Coop, she loved you SO, so much." Summer mentally slapped herself, she had come off much harsher than she had originally intended.

She was about to apologize when Marissa jumped off the bed once again, "THEN WHY DID SHE LEAVE!?" Marissa was starting to feel all of the emotions she'd blocked out, she couldn't hold anything in anymore. She felt pain, anger, sadness, resentment, frustration, anything and everything was now coursing through her veins. However, all these emotions, she realized weren't directed towards Alex, or Summer. In reality, she was aiming them in her own direction.

"_Had I not let Alex go... would any of this have happened? Why did I let Alex go..."_ She was shaken out of it by Summer's calming voice, "because hun, she loved you so much that all she wanted was for you to be happy; and that seemed to be what Ryan was doing, so she left. No matter how much it hurt her, she ultimately wanted you to be happy, so she left..." Summer was hoping Marissa would finally see this for what it was.

She hadn't really had the chance to hang out with Alex all that much, nor had she seen much of Marissa while they were dating; but she couldn't deny how drastically different Marissa had been while with Alex. A blind man could have felt the love that was emanating from Alex. And because of the protective shields that she always had up, only someone who had known Marissa for as long as she had, could see that Marissa had felt the same about the blonde.

As always though, Marissa had been too afraid of her feelings, of stepping out of the box she had been stuck in since birth. Of course, at first Summer had been a little surprised about Marissa having feelings towards another girl, but she had also known that your head couldn't make the 'right' choice when it came to matters of the heart.

When Marissa had told her about her and Alex dating, Summer knew, even then, that Marissa had fallen for the blonde. She knew the taller girl so well, she even knew Marissa wasn't admitting it to herself; because that's who Marissa was, she didn't deal well with reality. Then again, when reality has bitten you in the ass the amount of times it had Marissa, you couldn't exactly blame the poor girl.

Summer genuinely thought it was a shame that things hadn't worked out between the two. Sure, Ryan was great, but Marissa and him they were never great as a couple. Awesome friends, but as a couple, that was just a recipe for disaster.

Marissa had been watching Summer as she spoke, sure, she could see the rational side of things, but right now, her mind was on over-drive, everything she'd felt since Alex had left just wanted to spill out, and that's what happened.

"SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO! FUCK! SUM. I LOVE HER TOO!" Her hand shot upwards to her mouth as she stood there like a gaping fish. Of course, she had loved the blonde, but she had never said it out loud.

Summer smiled at her best friend, she was glad to know the taller girl had confirmed what she had known all along. She was even more happy to hear her say 'love' and not 'loved' indicating what she already knew: Marissa wasn't over the girl. This wasn't in the past, and it was finally reaching Marissa, she was coming to her senses.

Summer was about to say something when Marissa quickly kept on going visibly still shaken, yet still on a roll. "I loved her Sum, I really did, I don't think I've ever loved someone like I did her; and I still do. I'm not over her, I can't believe I let her walk away! I let the one good thing that had happened to me walk away. And for what?"

It was a rhetorical question and Summer knew that, she wasn't about to interrupt her best friend. She could tell, Marissa was finally opening up some more.

"For what?" She asked again, "for Ryan? He has never gotten me the way she has Sum... He was always the 'safe' choice but it was nothing like her. She actually literally, made me feel safe and secure. Do you have any idea what that was like for me Sum? To finally feel like nothing else was going to hurt me?"

"_Again with the rhetorical questions!"_ Summer thought, of course, she couldn't understand it, but she could only imagine how much that would have meant for her friend. Her father was a thief, her mother had a scandal behind her every other week. She had Od-ed during Spring break, she had an on/off constant relationship with a guy who wasn't the right one for her. Her ex boyfriend with whom she had been for years had been cheating on her with one of her own friends. She had trouble with alcohol... the list could go on and on, but Summer's thoughts were cut short.

"How could I be so stupid? I let her go! I let her... and now I'm stuck with Ryan, whom I can't even go to because he'll kill Trey for trying to rape me."

Summer's face dropped, she had known this was going to be bad... but nothing like this.

Marissa saw the look Summer was giving her, she knew this was the look she was going to get from everyone from now on and she hated it already, she let out a dry laugh, "Yea, I went there tonight, to keep him company and all, we drank, and then we went for a walk, and then... then..." her voice was cracking and the tears were threatening once again, "he tried to force himself on me. I managed to get away at the last second thanks to a log."

She was fighting herself to not break down again. "I LED HIM TO OUR HOME SUM! IT WASN'T ENOUGH I LET RYAN COME BETWEEN HER AND I! NO! I HAD TO, ON TOP OF THAT, LET THE GUY WHO WOULD EVENTUALLY TRY AND RAPE ME INTO THE SAFE HAVEN ALEX HAD LED ME INTO! The one place I felt safe..." She was crying again and Summer went over, she hugged her friend trying to soothe her. Marissa had just unloaded a whole lot, and Summer could feel this wasn't everything Marissa needed to get off her chest, so she simply hugged her.

The taller girl pulled away; "How could I have been so stupid, so blind, God, she was the actual first and only person I'd ever actually been in love with... the real love Sum, the one that we used to talk about as kids...the one that matters," she said the last part, barely above a whisper.

Summer could tell Marissa really meant what she was saying, and for the first time in a really long time, the shorter of the two could see a glint of life in her friend's eyes. "And now... now I've lost her, she's gone. I'm lost without her and I don't know what to do, especially not now, not after what happened tonight..." Fear shot through her eyes, "OH MY GOD! SUMMER, YOU CANNOT TELL SETH! He'll tell Ryan and Ryan will be Ryan... and he'll do something he'll later regret! I can't... I can't let him fi...fin...find out Sum!" the water works were back on.

"Shh... it's going to be okay Coop," Summer had finally found her voice again, and she was hugging the girl before her once again, _"I have to find Alex..."_ there was something deep inside that was urging her to find the blonde. She was the only one who could pull Marissa through this, and she had a feeling the blonde would be there for Marissa. Her love for the taller girl had been strong enough to let her go; hopefully, it was strong enough still to bring her back.

She started to mentally prepare her plan as she kept on comforting the broken girl in her arms.

"How's... how's it going... to... to... be okay? Trey... he...he..."

Summer didn't let her finish, "shh, don't worry about that. You were strong, you fought him and nothing happened to you. I do think we have to tell Ryan though..."

"NO!"

"Coop, he's his brother! Maybe we can tell him in a way he won't flip out..."

"Sum, you do realize we're talking about R.Y.A.N. here right?"

"I know hun... but maybe we can tell Cohen's dad or something? Maybe he'll know how to go about it..."

"I just want to forget about it Sum..." Marissa sighed, all of this was finally starting to wear her out and give her a killer headache.

"Okay, okay, we can talk about it in the morning Coop..."

"Thanks..."

Summer could tell Marissa really could use some sleep right now, she didn't want to push her too much either. "Hey, I'm going to go get you some clothes to sleep in okay, you can sleep here tonight and tomorrow we'll figure out what to do okay?"

Marissa simply nodded in agreement, she was too tired.

* * *

Alex and Roxy were still at the club, they had shared a few more drinks; needless to say, Alex and the red-head were having a great time. Alex felt numb, she hadn't let go like this since she had come back to town, and she had to admit, she was thankful her friends had pushed her to do this. She knew the next morning, she'd regret the last Purple Haze she'd had, but if they hadn't at least strongly encouraged her in Roxy's way, then she'd still be at home, sulking over Marissa.

"_Oh God... Marissa, I wonder what she's up to... I wonder if she's okay... KELLY!" _she yelled at herself mentally, _"snap out of it! The chick let you walk away! You're lucky you even had a slimmer of a chance! You were only kidding yourself thinking she'd felt the same for you!"_

"_NO! Marissa did feel the same... I could feel it when we were together!"_

"_OH COME ON! Get over it! She was probably just using you..."_

She has having a mental debate with herself, and that's when Julie's words came back to haunt her, _'This week's yard guy...'_ If she had to be honest with herself, that was probably one of the few things, someone had called her that had actually gotten to her. Thinking Marissa had only been using her, it sometimes helped. At least, it helped her pretend she hated the girl, sometimes hate was easier to deal with.

In reality though, she knew that Marissa had never used her. As hard as it was for her to accept that, she knew it was the truth; and that's what hurt the most. Knowing that Marissa had truly felt genuine feelings for her would always be worse than thinking the brunette had been using her to get to her mother; because that would mean they really did have something real; and she had let it go, both of them had let it slip by...

Moments like that, moments when you realize you've had something real all along and you let it go, those are the times in life where you physically want to kick your own ass, because you know how rare it is for a moment like that to come by.

Alex was aware of all of this, she simply didn't want to think about any of it; during the short time they had been together, she had seen Marissa fight herself, fight the feelings she was feeling; and that was the other thing that had really hurt.

Ryan wasn't helping at all, but Ryan had always been the easy choice, he was simple and knowing Marissa, she knew the taller girl would always have a hard time accepting their own true hard feelings. Especially if those feelings didn't lie within _'the norm,'_ and there was an easy way out one guy away.

The brunette had told her best friend, and her mother, which had surprised Alex, she was happy of course, but she was surprised that Marissa was able to come out to them. However, Alex realized that when Marissa had moved in, that's when things got too real for the girl. She only wished that Marissa had been willing to give her a shot, she wished Marissa would have talked to her. She would have understood if she had told her she was afraid and over-whelmed, they could have worked things out.

Alex knew, that no matter how hard and complicated things had been, deep down, she knew they had had the real thing.

She often spent nights, lying awake wondering what would have happened had she stayed in Newport that night, had she actually tried to talk to Marissa after the bonfire. It had been hard, knowing both of them were private and closed and she honestly cherished the memory of the few times both of them had let their barriers down.

"_It was easy with her... I didn't feel like I actually had to push myself to tell her things... I should have waited that night, I should have told her to meet me. We could have talked it through..."_

It had felt great to have someone she could open up to that way, and she wished more than anything that she could have that back, lord only knew she was carrying her fair share of troubles as well. Those had been the rare moments between them that she had felt how much more real their relationship was in comparison to the other ones.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she saw Roxy had finally made her way back and was placing their drinks on the table. "Hey..." Roxy's voice was soft, she could tell Alex had been thinking about something and that it had been somewhat intense.

Alex physically shook her head to rid herself of her previous thoughts, "hey."

"You okay?"

"Yea, why?" She asked after having taken a sip of her beer.

"You seemed lost for a few..." Roxy tried, she didn't want to push the blonde, but she actually really liked her and it worried her that the girl had seemed so transfixed on something, that she had seemed lost.

"Yea...I was." Alex stated. Roxy reached across the table and put her hand atop Alex's in a reassuring matter, at the same time, she hoped the blonde would realize that she wasn't going anywhere and if she wanted to talk, she was there. "You want to talk about it?"

"No." Alex replied, she hadn't meant for it to come out as harshly as it had, and all of a sudden she had another strange feeling, like the one she'd had before. She looked up at Roxy who had been nothing short of really nice to her all night; "I'm sorry, you're really nice and all, really, but I have to go." She couldn't stay here. The feeling in the pit of her stomach was starting to be more than she could handle at the moment.

She saw the sad look Roxy flashed her way, she then remembered how Roxy had managed to get her out of her stupor and actually enjoy the night, it was only within the last fifteen minutes that she had let her emotions get the best of her and the girl before her didn't deserve that cold exit. She made a choice that night, she grabbed Roxy's phone that was on the table, confusing the red-head.

She could see Alex was doing something with her phone but she couldn't figure out what.

"Call me sometime okay? We'll hang out, I really did have a good time tonight, I really appreciate it." Alex gave her one more look; "thank you."

Roxy smiled as she got up, "take care Alex," the girl whispered as she watched the blonde walk away.

She took off towards her car once she got outside, she needed to head home, right now, it was the safest place she could go. Reaching her car, she got everything out that mattered, locked the doors and double checked. After all, as much as she wanted to drive, she knew it would be stupid. She started walking home. Maybe her dad would be up, maybe she could talk with him...

* * *

Both girls were now changed and lying in Summer's bed. Summer had always been on the protective side of things when it came to Marissa, tonight was no different. Her friend had started sobbing again and she was now holding her trying to calm her down long enough for her to fall into what would probably end up being a troubled sleep.

However, Marissa's breathing didn't seem like it was calming down what so ever. "Hey Coop... you awake?"

"Mmhm," came the muffled response.

"Do you still love her? Like you did then?"

Marissa looked up until hers and Summer's eyes met, "yes..." She was slightly confused as to where Summer was getting at but she simply pushed back a little so the two could have an easier time talking.

"You ever think of calling her?"

"Everyday," was Marissa's honest answer.

"So... what stops you?" Summer had to know.

Marissa took a deep breath; "every time I grab the phone, I remember the last look we shared, the pain I had visibly caused her... I can't just call her up... I have no right."

"Why not?" Summer was surprised at how easy this round of twenty-questions was going. Maybe Marissa was just too tired at this point to fight.

"Because I really hurt her Sum... I can't just call her up and say _'hey remember me? The girl who broke your heart? Yea? Cool! Well, I was just wanted to say that uhh well I loved you then. Yea! I toootally did, and you know what I still do! I know right? SHOCKER! So! You want to go for coffee?'_" Marissa told her friend with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

"Hun, she left here loving you and thinking you loved another... I'm not saying it'll be easy, but the both of you deserve it. She needs to hear you say it, and you need to tell her. Things could work out."

Marissa sighed, "I doubt it."

"If you had the chance... would you do it?"

Marissa pondered over it, which in turn caused Summer to worry a little... "Yea, I would. I'd give everything to get a second chance."

"Good."

Marissa looked at Summer and raised an eyebrow; however, she thought nothing more of it. Summer motioned for her to try and sleep, so she crawled back close to Summer's protective hold.

* * *

It had taken a few hours, but Marissa had finally fallen asleep. Summer sighed in relief when she saw her friends breathing had visibly relaxed, this was going to be a long night. She looked over at the clock, _"2 AM."_ She took another deep breath and slowly but surely, without waking up the sleeping brunette, got out from the covers. She grabbed her phone and went into the bathroom, leaving the door only partially open.

She was about to dial when she felt it start to vibrate and Seth's geeky face popped up. She answered, "COHEN!" her voice let show that she was slightly more angry then she should be.

Seth feared this had to do about the whip cream contest, but decided not to say anything in case Summer hadn't seen it.

"Well hello to you too Summer," he replied in his cheeky voice. "How are you doing on this fine day?"

"We have a problem," she decided to postpone their own issues, they could deal with that later, Marissa's state was more important right now.

Seth could hear Summer's tone, he knew this was something serious and that it had nothing to do with him. As narcissistic as the boy appeared to be at times, he truly was one of the good ones and he had always been good at reading people's true intentions. "Marissa?" He questioned, fully knowing that this was what was worrying Summer.

"Yea..." Summer didn't know how much she should tell the curly haired boy. Of course she knew she could trust him, but she also knew he would tell Ryan if she told him about Trey. "Ryan can't know about any of this." She wasn't planning on telling Seth everything, but she still didn't want Ryan to know about this.

"How bad?" When it came to Marissa, they all knew she had her fair share of problems, he wasn't stupid, but if Summer was talking to him in the middle of the night, especially when they weren't on talking terms, he knew it wouldn't be good.

"It's bad Cohen. Bad enough that I'm talking to you, you know? Actually we have MASSIVE damage control to operate, DAMAGE YOU CAUSED!" Her voice gained a few octaves.

"What? What did I do? I'm out here with the old folks! I had..."

"SHUT UP COHEN!" Summer didn't need to hear what he was going to say, she was already furious about all of that, "this has NOTHING to do with you and where you are and which bimbo you're shacking up with tonight!"

"I..."

"NO!" she stopped him, "listen to me."

"Yes ma'am!" He replied.

"Three months ago, our Coop had her lesbian affair. When the tough got going, you, you skinny little bobble headed geek jumped at the opportunity of getting your Justice Four back together and added gas to their already blazing fire!"

"You're calling me about ALEX?!" he was entirely confused, in the three months since his and Marissa's ex had left, they had never spoken about the blonde...

"No genius! I'm calling you about the other lesbian affair with Jessica Alba! OF COURSE I'M TALKING ABOUT ALEX!"

"Oh..."

"Yea! Now! I know they had their problems, but they could have worked things out. They both loved each other, they were just too afraid to let their hearts enter their relationship FULLY!"

"I know..."

"And now... wait... WHAT?!" She asked him.

"I said, I know..."

"I know you said that! What the hell do you mean by you KNOW Cohen!?"

"Well, firstly, Ironist is not blind." She rolled her eyes at him, "secondly, Alex told me."

"SHE WHAT?!"

"I..."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE _TOLD_ YOU COHEN!?" She was getting angry, he had known and yet he had still pushed the two apart. "_WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM!"_ "What have you been hiding from me!?" She asked him angrily.

"Well..."

"EXPLAIN!"

"I'M TRYING SUMMER! Look, the night before the bonfire, Alex came over... she asked me if I thought Ryan and Marissa would always be one of those couples... you know the ones who would always be together even if they weren't... she said she needed to know, because she was really falling for Marissa. But she didn't want to fight for a heart that was never going to be hers... and that's when I let slip..."

But Summer knew what he'd said, it was what had then caused the fight that had ultimately led to their downfall. "YOU IDIOT!

"WHAT?!"

"YOU PUSHED ALEX AWAY! Marissa just had to shut down after what you did! Which she of course did because she's too damn afraid of getting involved in ANYTHING that's too damn real for her!" She mumbled something under her breath, "WE HAVE TO FIX THIS COHEN! Actually, YOU broke it, YOU fix it!"

"But... Ryan...?"

"NO! I don't care! Look! I've told you before, those two only work well together as friends! Marissa is hurting worse than ever now, Seth... I have NEVER seen her hurting this bad." She was calming down, her worry growing all over, "Ryan's a big part of that, but he's too damn blind to see it!"

"But..."

"NO BUTS COHEN! I know you did it then because you had a chance of getting your Justice Four back together... but look, now that ship has sailed. They are ALWAYS fighting, neither of them are really happy! They are both lying to themselves if they pretend to be." Summer took a deep breath, she heard Seth do the same. _"At least I'm getting through to him..."_

"So what do we do?"

She smiled knowing that was his way of saying he was in, and she had the hook that would reel him in for sure, "we perform a Chrismukkah miracle of course." She could see his eyes glimmer in joy.

"But... it's months away..." he sounded like a child being promised a candy bar, he just had to make sure this was real.

"I know..." she smirked, "that's the beauty of it, no one will suspect a thing."


	5. Chapter Five: Everytime I Look For You 1

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

The following day, Marissa awoke in Summer's bed. It took her a few seconds to remember how she'd gotten there to begin with, as she sat up she realized Summer had covered her securely; and that was when the previous night came back at her. The flash backs only intensifying as they came crashing, over-whelming her conscious mind.

The knock, the quarters, the walk, the talk of Alex, the beach, the attempt, the run, the crying, the admittance of being afraid, the confession about her love for Alex. She was so deep in thought that she didn't hear Summer come out of the attached bathroom.

Summer on the other hand had been standing there ever since Marissa had sat up, and she had seen all of the pain and fear that had flashed through her best friend's eyes. She hated seeing her like this.

By the time the flash backs had subsided, Marissa was now only half covered by the blanket as she had drawn her knees up to her chest protectively and she had securely wrapped her arms around them. Tears were streaming down her face and she was slightly rocking herself back and forth.

She only registered Summer's presence when she felt the familiarity of her best friend's arms around her. She leaned her head on Summer's shoulder and kept on crying as the shorter girl kept trying to soothe her friend.

After a little while, Marissa's tears started to stop falling so freely and she eventually removed her head from Summer's shoulder, which in turn caused the darker brunette to loosen her grip on her friend, but she never let go entirely. The shorter girl knew that the taller one had something to say; therefore, she patiently waited as she reassuringly rubbed her friend's arms.

Marissa finally looked at her friend, "what am I going to do Sum? I mean, T...Trey, Ryan... Alex. What do I do?"

Summer took a deep breath; she'd spent most of the night lying awake trying to figure out what she was going to say when her best friend asked her those exact questions. Truth be told, she didn't know what the best way to go about it would be. She took another deep breath, "I think, that you shouldn't tell Ryan about Trey. At least, not yet, you know how he is, and we don't want him to go off and do something he'll regret."

She paused and Marissa nodded, "okay, so I think that, if we ARE to tell him, we should really consider Cohen's dad. I mean, it's crazy and a long shot, but he might know to deal with it."

Marissa was shaking her head now, "I... I told you. I don't want to tell him. I just... I want... want to forget it ever happened."

Summer looked at her friend, "I know you do sweetie, but this isn't something you should keep to yourself..."

"I DON'T WANT TO SUM! It... It hurts too much; it hurts too much to think about it. I don't want to have to constantly see the looks of pity... YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE!"

Summer was a little taken aback by her friend's outburst, but she could understand so she nodded her head, "okay."

Marissa looked at her; she was expecting a much bigger fight from her feisty friend. "Okay Coop. I won't tell Cohen, I sure as HELL won't tell Ryan and we'll leave Mr. Cohen out of it as well. I will do all of that, but you have to promise me one thing in return."

Marissa nodded. "I can understand why you want things to go that way, I do, but you can't go through it alone. I want you to promise me that you WILL talk to me. Okay? About anything and everything. I can't have you keeping it all in and... well you know how you are," Summer told her blatantly.

Marissa was a little surprised, but she nodded her acceptance none-the-less.

"OKAY!" Summer exclaimed, "now, as for Trey, just... stay away from him. If you have to be close, try to get out or just, ignore him. We'll deal with him when we have to"

"He... he has my purse, with my wallet, and my phone..." Marissa let out.

"W... what?" Summer hadn't noticed the lack of her friend's purse.

"At the beach. It fell when... when he st... started." She felt Summer rub her arms encouraging her. "And when I ran... I didn't, I didn't grab it. I just... I needed to leave as fast, as fast as possible."

"Okay, I'll go get it today." Marissa looked at her, "I mean, I'll drive over there and come up with some lame excuse, tell him you're doing something with your mum and I'll tell him you asked me to pick it up."

Marissa didn't think it was a good idea, but she agreed. She knew Summer would be okay, but deep down she was still afraid for her friend, "just... be careful okay?"

Summer smiled, "you know me, I'll rage-blackout on him if I need to! Actually, I might just do it for kicks!"

Marissa had a small smile as she lay her head back down on Summer's shoulder. Summer tightened her grip and took a deep breath; there was still one more component to Marissa's earlier question. "As for Alex... we'll figure it out sweetie."

Marissa stiffened at first but soon after she just held onto her friend and exhaustion quickly took over her once again. Realizing the lighter brunette was asleep; Summer laid her back down on the bed and wrote a note in case she woke up before she was back. She grabbed her purse and keys and headed on over to Trey's.

* * *

She had made it home that night; her dad was indeed still awake. When he saw his daughter, he could see the torment and the pain still living in her once happy eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his daughter so broken up over something. Even when things were horrible around the house he had always seen a glimmer of hope in his only child's eyes.

But now, it was like she'd lost everything, not only what she had lost in Newport, but like she'd lost herself in the process of it all. And that tore him up, he couldn't stand it and he didn't know what he could do. He tried talking to her that night, and even though Alex had desperately wanted to talk with someone about what was going on, at that point in time, she couldn't. She was drained, more drained then she had been prior to leaving for the evening.

It had been too much for her, reliving everything with Kim and Parker, and then all of the emotions that had flooded through her veins while she was spending time with Roxy. She could see all her dad wanted to do was help, but she couldn't bring herself to open up; it would have been too much for one night. Instead she wished him a good night and slowly made her way up the stairs to her old bedroom. She collapsed on the bed; and before she could even attempt to reminisce the night's events, a troubled sleep overcame her.

* * *

A few days had gone by before her dad had decided to approach her one night; she had arrived home from work and she was lying on her bed listening to music, trying to make sense of everything. She had received a text from Roxy that day, the red head had been wanting to hang out with her the upcoming weekend and she didn't know what she should be doing about everything. She was struggling with the idea of going and what its implications would mean. She was also struggling with the idea of not going and what that would mean; but before she could start her daily dose of in depth thinking about Newport, her father had knocked.

"Alex, sweetheart, can I come in?"

"I guess..."

Dave could hear the desperation in his daughter's voice and as he walked in, his heart broke a little more. This no longer was the daughter he and his wife had kicked out of the house, this was the ten year old who was told she couldn't go ahead and play basket ball with the twelve year old neighbourhood boys. He slowly made his way over to her and sat on the edge of her bed.

Alex took a few moments to pull herself together, she knew this conversation was coming and she knew she had to talk to someone about it all; and her dad had, surprisingly enough, really been there for her these past few months. She just didn't want to break down in front of the man she admired most.

He knew what his daughter was doing when he saw her change her line of sight to the wall opposite him. He took her hand letting her know that he was there for her, and when she finally looked over at him a few moments later, he could see the unshed tears; all he wanted to do was tell her to let them go but he know she wouldn't.

"I... I don't know what to do dad," she sounded so broken, and he hated seeing her in that state.

"What do you need to figure out sweetheart? I'll do my best to help you, but you have to talk to me okay?"

She gave him a small nod but didn't start. The older Kelly took a deep breath and tried deciding where to start. He knew he'd have to ask the right question so she would open up and word-vomit everything that was on her heart. "Well, why don't you start with what happened that night you, Kim and Parker went out? That seems like a good place no?"

Alex could only nod again, but this time she spoke; "we went to Delusion and I don't know it was... it was alright, but then, you know how those two can be," Dave nodded agreeing with his daughter, he'd known the twins for as long as Alex had known them and had been friends with their parents even before any of the kids were born.

"So, they started poking and prodding and, well, they made me talk, so they know about Newport..." she had to take a moment to calm herself, "anyways um... by the time I finished my story, I'd had a few drinks, and that's when this girl comes up. She had tried hitting on me earlier in the week, but I couldn't... I... with Ma..." she couldn't say the name, her dad simply nodded letting her know he knew who she meant and she didn't have to try and get it out.

"Well... yea, so, I had brushed it off but then there she was and well, Kim and Parker had no idea so they kind of just up and left me there with her. As much as I didn't want to, well... the alcohol had had its effect and well we hung out. I'm not going to lie, it was nice, to just be for once you know? We danced and well, a few drinks later, nothing happened, I mean, we may have made out a little but now that I think about it, I kept having this feeling in the pit of my stomach, like there was something wrong. It wasn't guilt, but... I don't know how to explain it; it was as if my body was telling something was wrong. Not in the whole, 'this is not where you belong' kind of way but something was ACTUALLY wrong... everything around us seemed fine so I put it on the alcohol, but now that I think about it... I'm afraid it had something to do with her... she was never the most stable person you know? I mean, I never saw that side of her when we were together, but from the few stories of her past she shared, I knew she had a troubled past, and I felt as if that feeling had to do with her..."

"Maybe you should call her then?" Her father suggested.

She shook her head, "I can't... I don't want to risk having to hear about her and mullet boy... as much as all I want for her is happiness, it kills me to know that I couldn't give her that. But at the same time... I'm just... I'm so afraid for her... we never went full detail, but I know it got to a point where she was hospitalized and she had to go see a therapist... plus, she always did drink large amounts..." she let out a heavy sigh.

"I mean, it's... it's not my job anymore you know? I mean clearly she wanted Ry...an," she chocked on his name, "to be around; it's his job now, to go ahead and save her if she's in trouble... but I can't help the feeling I'm getting though. I hate knowing I couldn't be there for her, even if she didn't want me there..." A few tears had escaped by now; her dad had taken her into his arms and was holding her tight.

"It'll be okay sweetheart..."

Before he could finish Alex interrupted him, "how can you say that? How can you know that! Dad! Do you realize she was the first person I could ACTUALLY see myself with? I was with Jodie for over a year, we lived together and as much as it hurt that we spilt, I knew from the start that we would never be together forever. I didn't see a future for us... I didn't see a future for myself with her. But with Ma... with her, I actually wanted to figure things out, I mean sure I could live on my own, but she made me not only see a future together, but she made me WANT to push myself to get a future... together, a better future."

He tightened his hold on her, "why didn't you ever tell HER any of that?"

She scoffed, "yea okay dad, I'll tell the straight girl I loved, who was over-whelmed about moving in that I couldn't see a future for myself if she wasn't in it."

He took in a breath, "okay, said like that... probably not; but you realize you just said she was over-whelmed by the move... not of you."

"Ha, yea, okay! Same difference dad. She was over-whelmed by the move moving, not me, which is totally why she didn't fight for us, why she didn't talk to me, or tell me how she was feeling."

"Why didn't you?" He asked her.

Alex was about to reply but quickly realized she couldn't. She opened and closed her mouth a few times; she didn't want to admit that she herself had been afraid.

"See... and you, you are used to being in same sex relationship... she was new at it."

"But why run to... him, of all people..."

He slowly let go of his daughter, "I don't know..."

She gave him a look, which he returned, "what do you want me to say? That she was playing you all along. To just get over her?" He didn't mean to sound as harsh as he had, he regretted it as soon as he saw the lone tear that escape his daughter's eye. He re-tightened his hold on her. "Because I can't say that."

Alex gave him a funny look, "wh... what?"

He sighed, "I mean sure, I could, but I can't really, because, sweetheart, it's not what I believe. I'm not saying she should have done what she did; but at the same time, I can't help but try and understand her... it's something hard and new to embrace. And, in a society like the one she's from, that can't be anything easy. He could see the look of disbelief on his daughter's face. "I'm not excusing her, you know I always have believed in acting upon your feelings, no matter what other's tell you, but you can't tell me you can't at least comprehend where her fears were rooted. You didn't have the easiest of times with all of this as well if I recall, now did you?"

She shyly looked away.

He smiled a little, he knew Alex would have a hard time coming to gasp fully what had happened, but he also knew he was finally getting through to her. "So, what brought this on, I mean, I know you've been dealing with this since you left that place, but you seemed to be doing slightly better, what happened?"

Alex took a deep breath, "well... you know how I was telling you about that girl at the club?" She waited until he nodded, "okay, well she not only wants to hang, but she wants to hang out this weekend... and I don't know if I should go out with her... I... I don't know if I'm ready..."

Dave smiled at his daughter, "as much as I think you are still hung up on this girl, I think you should go... I mean you said so yourself, it was nice for you to just be, for once right? So... why not? The worse that can happen is you have a crappy night, how much worse can your evenings get eh?"

She couldn't help but laugh at his lame attempt at a joke, "you'll never change eh dad?"

"No, why would I? I made you laugh didn't I?" She nodded, "then mission accomplished," he threw her a wink.

She smiled and hugged him, "thanks dad, it really means a lot to me."

He smiled at his blonde daughter, "it's my pleasure sweetheart. Now!" He stood up and clapped his hands together, "get your pretty self back together, together like I know you can be and go get the girl! It could be fun for all you know!"

Alex gave her dad a funny look, "oh. My. God. You've been spending time with Kim and Parker... you sound just like them!" She burst out laughing and he joined in; truth be told, he had spent quite a bit of time at their house with their dad while Alex was away, so he couldn't help what he had overheard.

* * *

It had been a couple of weeks since the incident, and Marissa had surprisingly held her end of the deal. However, three quarters of the time when she would indeed talk to her best friend, she was drunk.

Not long after Summer had come back with Marissa's purse, the taller girl had told her best friend she needed to be alone. She had gone out and gone to the one place she felt safe, her's and Alex's spot on the beach. She was terrified of running into Trey there; but that spot held therapeutic qualities over the brunette.

She wasn't alone though that night; she had stopped by her house and grabbed one of her hidden vodka bottles. By the time she arrived home after spending the day at the beach, she was well past drunk and proceeded to pass out on her bed only to be woken up by the annoyance that is Julie Cooper. She had been dragged out of bed to spend the day with her mother.

She had picked up her old drinking habit before the night of the incident; in fact, she'd picked it up after she'd lost Alex. However, after Trey, she had doubled the quantity of her already large consumption.

At first, when Summer had noticed, she started to worry that her friend would end up suffering from alcohol poisoning; or fall into an alcohol induced coma before her and Seth even had a chance to track down the blonde that could save their friend.

After a really rough day and long night, Marissa would always end up at Summer's house; those were usually the nights when she would talk to the girl. She hated talking about her feelings, but she had to admit that after a day of seeing Trey everywhere, even if it was only her imagination, it did feel good to let go and tell someone. It was a much lighter burden to carry that way. Most of the time, she would talk about Trey, and she would talk about that night on the beach; after a couple weeks, Summer knew how everything had happened. The other main topic that was often discussed was the blue eyed Goddess; and by now, Summer also knew pretty much everything there was to know about Marissa and the feelings and the fears that had engulfed her only a few months prior.

Marissa had realized through her many long alcohol induced dazes, that everything that revolved around the blonde had scared her to death. She had been afraid because she had never felt such a strong connection with someone, let alone emotions that were so over-whelming.

Summer despised the fact that it was alcohol that got her friend to open up, but she appreciated that Marissa wasn't shutting her out entirely like she normally would have done. It was already a step in the 'right' direction, whatever that direction was. It was during the nights when she heard her lifelong friend speak of the blonde with such admiration and awe that she knew that what she and Seth were planning, was indeed the right thing to do. It was what Marissa needed, and both darker brunettes had a strong feeling it was what Alex needed as well, even if she was far away and they hadn't communicated with her.

After all, from what Summer understood of the blonde in Marissa's stories, and what Seth had told her revolving around the blonde telling him that she was falling for Marissa, it was practically impossible that the slightly older girl would literally be over Marissa by now. Both Alex and Marissa were just too damn stubborn and afraid, to go after what they really wanted and fight for it.

* * *

As per usual, no one had really noticed how Marissa's drinking habits had increased exponentially; at least, that's what Summer thought. Ryan was still acting as oblivious as always, Seth, well, Seth being Seth never really took notice of how early it was when Marissa was already under the influence.

Then again, before Alex, they were all used to seeing Marissa intoxicated, maybe it wasn't that they weren't noticing, it may simply be the fact that it just seemed 'normal' to them. Summer thought she was the only one who had realized how much graver the situation was, she was the one who was around Marissa more and she had known her the longest, if she didn't know she'd feel like the worst friend in the world.

Of course, the boys knew that there was something that was bothering the lanky brunette, everyone around her could tell; she was much more moody, and anyone who dared to ask her how she was, would leave with their heads bitten off.

However, Summer wasn't the only one who had noticed this; someone unexpected had taken into account how the tall girl's habits had been growing out of proportion.

Julie had noticed her daughter's obvious demeanour. One Saturday morning, she had waited around the house for Marissa to come home; her eldest daughter had spent yet another night at Summer's house. Over the past weeks she had been getting more and more late night phone calls and texts from the young feisty brunette at odd hours of the night, only to let her know what Marissa would be spending the night at her house and not to worry.

At first Julie thought no more of it, but as it started happening more and more regularly, she started to actually worry for her daughter. What could possibly be driving her away from home continuously? The few times she had actually managed to catch a glimpse of her daughter, she had noticed the faraway look that resided in her eyes. She couldn't help but feel pain as she saw the lost look her daughter was now sporting.

She knew she hadn't been the greatest mother in the past, but none of that changed that fact that she could still feel pain when her own blood turned away from her and didn't come to her when they desperately seemed to be in need of someone. It eased her conscience somewhat, know the tall girl had Summer; she was happy to know that at least her daughter wasn't shutting everyone out.

However, when her phone went off the previous night at one in the morning, she was certain she heard her daughter slur out to Summer asking her what on earth she was doing on the phone with the she-devil. The rest had been muffled and she assumed Summer had covered Marissa's mouth or something. That phone call, had allowed everything she feared to enter her mind. She was actually afraid of what her child was doing to herself, she wanted to help her out, the only thing was, she didn't know how.

So there she was, waiting patiently in the kitchen, it was around two in the afternoon when she heard the front door; she waited to hear it close before calling out, "Marissa is that you honey?"

Marissa grumbled to herself, "yea, I'm going up. Not feeling good."

Julie sighed from her spot in the kitchen; she waited a little before making her way up the stairs to Marissa's room, holding a bottle of water and two Tylenols. She knocked as she reached her eldest's bedroom door.

"Go away!" Marissa yell was muffled as her face was trapped in her pillow.

"I brought you something," Julie replied. When she heard no response, she slowly opened the door as she told her daughter she was coming in.

Once she was inside, she took a look around and to say she was shocked by the appearance of the room was an understatement. There were clothes strewn everywhere and a distinct underlying smell of alcohol littered the air; her worry grew threefold. She then looked over to the bed and noticed her daughter had merely flopped down on her bed not bothering with anything else.

Marissa grumbled something incoherent as Julie walked over and closed the blinds, as much as she wanted to scold her daughter for drinking this much and making things this hard, she couldn't help but feel part of daughter's pain; and she wanted to ease it whichever way she could. If Marissa wasn't going to come to her when she needed help, then she was going to help her get through whatever was sending her in a downwards spiral using other means.

After closing the blinds, she made her way over to the bed and sat herself down close to the mount that could only be her daughter. As Marissa felt the weight shift on her bed she came out of hiding.

When Julie saw her daughter for the first time in a few days, she literally felt her heart ache for the girl before her. She didn't recognize her child anymore, the daughter she had brought into this world was gone, and in her place lay a broken body, a lost soul; "I didn't' know if you had taken any Tylenol to help, and I brought you some water."

Marissa looked on perplexed at her mother, upon seeing the look she was being given, Julie continued on, "I'm just worried about you honey. I mean, you've been spending more and more nights at Summer's and you've clearly started drinking again," she waved her hand over Marissa and around the room, "and I'm just worried about you. I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you if you need anything at all."

Marissa examined her mother, of course, she had seen her show concern before, but it had never looked and sounded as sincere as it did in that moment. This time actually seemed to be visibly different, but none-the-less, she was still skeptical, and she was hurting, and the only thing she came up with was; "mum... are you high?"

Julie looked slightly taken aback but let it slide; she could hear the pain in her daughter's voice. Marissa then kept on, "because the last time I told you honestly, genuinely with no tears and drama what was going on with me; you did everything you could to drive out of town the one person that actually made me feel alive. So forgive me mother if I rather not let you in."

This time Julie was really taken aback; it was the first time she had heard her daughter mention the blonde girlfriend she had had. Of course this wasn't directly affiliated, but the choice of words she had used clearly only referred to that one person; she was stumped to say the least.

Marissa could only imagine what she was thinking; she snickered at her, "that's what I thought. Thanks for the water, pills and closing the blinds, but I'm going back to bed now."

It was one of the few occasions in Julie Cooper-Nichols life where all she could do was nod. She stood up and walked out of her hurting daughter's room. Once she was back down in the kitchen, she decided she needed a glass of something strong, after having swallowed the burning liquor, she grabbed her keys and headed for her car, she knew she needed to figure out what was going on with Marissa.

* * *

A few weeks had passed and Alex had followed her dad's advice, she had agreed to meeting Roxy that upcoming weekend and surprisingly enough, she had had a good enough time that they had agreed to hanging out some more.

Alex was now getting ready for another night out. Her dad walked by her room when he heard the music and something he hadn't heard in a real long time. He leaned against the door frame and watched on as his daughter was singing while she was getting ready.

Alex hadn't heard her dad approach, so she kept on until she jumped off her bed one more time and saw him there with a smile on his face. She stumbled on her pant leg as she reached over to the iPod deck and slammed it off as she fell in a heap on the floor.

Dave couldn't help but laugh as he went over to give her a hand. Once up, she brushed herself off as if nothing had happened. She cleared her throat and looked at him; "So! What can I do for you old man?" She asked him cheekily.

He feigned hurt as he looked back at her, "well, nothing really, I was just walking by when I saw the free show you were giving, thought I'd stop by," he winked at her and she playfully hit him in the arm. "You seem quite happy though! I must admit it's a side of you I haven't seen in a while." He didn't want to mention the fact that her mood had changed for the better, but he could see the improvement, even though when he looked in her eyes, he could still see the pain she held within.

She gave him a sad smile, truth was, she had felt a little better, Roxy proved to be wonderful company and the two had developed a great friendship... with making out benefits. Even though the blonde hadn't told the red head about Marissa, she knew Roxy was aware that her thoughts were constantly plagued with someone. Whenever she was with Roxy, she'd turn her mind off, she let the pulsations of the music and the vibes of her feelings guide her. With Roxy, she lived in the moment, with nothing threatening her.

Deep down though, she knew she was only trying to mask her real emotions. She looked at her dad who was giving her a small smile; she smiled back as she replied, "yea, well... I'm trying to not let it get me down you know?"

He nodded, he was going to push any farther, "so, what's got you all fancied up today?"

She looked down at herself, she was currently only wearing a pair of jeans, her chucks still needed to be tied and she was about to take off her wife beater to change shirts. She looked back up at her dad and quirked an eyebrow, "this... this is fancy?" She walked over to the older Kelly and touched his forehead with the back of her hand, "no... you don't seem to have a fever, so maybe you're just high or something!" She stuck out her tongue at him and turned around to go to her dresser as she pulled the beater over her head

As she opened a drawer, she looked over her shoulder towards her dad who was now sitting on her bed fiddling with some CD's that were lying around close to the blonde's bed. "For your information, I'm hanging out with Roxy tonight, there's..." she went behind her dad and grabbed one of the CD's out of his hands, "this band," she popped in the CD as her dad watched her move back to find a shirt, "playing and they are amazing!"

She looked around her shirts, "I haven't heard them since I booked them back in Newport." She looked back at her dad who was now lying on her bed starring at the ceiling with his eyes closed just letting the music flow through.

She couldn't help but smile as she turned to face her shirts one last time, she loved how after all this time, he was still the same music junkie he'd always been. How hearing something new always gave him the same high, that same she now felt every time she heard new music or any music really... music was their fix.

She had learned everything she knew today about music from him; as a child, he would play her old records, and the two of them would lie down on a bed or on the floor, just as he was doing now, and they would let the music consume them entirely, mind, body and soul. She was about to pull out a shirt when she heard the doorbell, forgetting all about the lack of a shirt on her back, she ran down to the door clad only in her bra and jeans, shoes still untied.

She opened the door to find a beaming Roxy standing there, "well, well, well, Kelly! I'm," she looked at her watch, "twenty minutes late, and you're sorry ass still isn't ready! Who'd have thunk someone as pretty as you needed eight-thousand hours to get dressed!" She eyed Alex up and down in an obvious manner, "then again, if you're planning on going out topless, I won't complain!"

Alex smacked her arm and then yanked her in, "shut up! I'm almost done! I just have to get a shirt upstairs, come!" She made for the stairs and stopped abruptly, "oh! By the way, maybe if you'd have taken another thirty minutes, you could have looked half as good as me on a bad day!" She flashed her a grin and bolted up the stairs with Roxy hot on her tail.

"You are SO going to re... woah!" Roxy stopped dead in her tracks upon entering Alex's room.

"What?" Alex asked turning around in her room trying to see if something incriminating was in plain view; she did a full three-sixty only to see Roxy pointing at her bed. She stood there looking but nothing was weird.

"Alex," Roxy whispered loudly, "there's someone who looks dead in your bed... is that why you're not ready! You had to kill someone first?" She burst out laughing, Alex quickly followed but not before throwing a random article of clothing at the girl.

"That's my dad!"

"Um... why is he looking dead on your bed while you're still not wearing a shirt?"

Alex shrugged, before she could answer, Dave seemed to have gotten out of his daze, it might have been the fact that the track had ended only seconds before. He sat up and looked at who he presumed, was Roxy. "You see, Roxy right?" She nodded, "my daughter here," he pointed at Alex, "lost all sense of modesty when she reached fourteen and started surfing on her own whenever she got the chance. We barely saw her in anything other than her board shorts and bikini top."

Roxy looked at Alex who was slightly blushing, "what? I was either always in the water or at school... it was easier, so I just lived out of those board shorts and top... if anything I threw on a rash guard. It's as close as I got to clothes during that phase."

Roxy laughed and looked back at Dave, "how long did that last?"

The older Kelly was laughing as well," well... she grew out of the board shorts... but she still doesn't seem to grasp the concept of a shirt."

With that he walked over to his daughter, he gave her a side hug and kissed the top of her head; as he moved away, he peered into her drawer, grabbed a shirt and tossed it over at her, "wear this one to the show, goes with the feel of the music, which by the way, I really liked."

They shared a smile, Alex hugged her dad before going to the stereo and taking out the CD, she handed it to him, "listen to the rest, and let me know what you think."

"Will do sweetheart, okay! I'm going to go, and you two have a good time tonight. Oh, and Roxy, it was nice finally putting a face to the name." He winked and headed out as he closed the door behind him.

"He seems chill," Roxy noted after having met Alex's dad for the first time; and having had the chance to see them interact with each other, which made her smile. Anyone who saw them together could tell how close they were to one another.

Alex smiled as she nodded, she looked down at the shirt he had handed her, her smile faltered only slightly. She wouldn't let the slightly painful memories of the lanky brunette ruin one of her favourite shirts.

She pulled the shirt over her head as she headed to the bathroom. "yea, he really is."

Roxy smiled, she looked on as Alex closed the door; she started to look around until she found a folded envelope. Something in her mind clicked, she had seen something fall out of the shirt when Alex had pulled it on. "Hey! Alex! Something fell out of your shirt! Where do you want me to put it?"

"I don't know? What is it?"

"I have no clue, it's an envelope."

"Uh... just hang onto it, I'll get it later."

"Okay," she wandered around looking at the various posters, the CD's, movies, massive amount of books.

Alex walked out finally ready and Roxy turned around, facing her while holding a leather bound book. "Now um... one you read? And two... why do you have like eighteen different copies of _The Portrait Of Dorian Gray?_" She asked stifling her laughter.

Alex jumped over her bed and grabbed the book only to gently place it back where it belonged, "Oi! Yes, I read, a lot for your information, and because I collect various editions... so shush!" She wasn't about to go into details about her feelings in regard to that novel, it meant too much to her and it wasn't something she shared often... actually, rarely did she ever explain her affinity for it.

Roxy looked at her and dropped it seeing the look Alex had in her eyes as she let her eyes linger over her various copies. "Huh, never took you as a geek Kelly!"Alex playfully shoved her before she kept on, "you ready to go then?"

Alex turned and smiled, "yes! I'm good! Let's roll!"

The pair headed out down the stairs in laughter all forgetting about the letter Roxy had put in her back pocket.

* * *

Sandy had been closest when he heard someone knocking on the door; he made his way over and was greeted by a distraught looking Julie. He quickly snapped out of his slight confusion and ushered her in. They both made their way into the kitchen where Kirsten was seated.

The blonde looked up and was surprised to see Julie standing there, "Julie! Hi, how are you?"

"I'm fine, how about you two?"

"We're good."

"Yep, we are."

"Great... um, is Ryan around? I need to talk to him about Marissa."

Sandy was about to interject, he didn't want her meddling anymore in their children's lives more then she already had. Kirsten however, could see that Julie seemed a little nervous and not her usual confident boisterous self; she quickly stepped in before her husband could say something, "why?" she casually asked.

"Nothing bad, I'm just worried about her and I wanted to ask him if he knew of anything."

Both Cohen's shared a look, "he's in the pool house," Kirsten told her. She was still curious, but figured they could find out what it was all about from Ryan afterwards.

Julie thanked them both and headed over; as she walked out she heard Sandy tell Kirsten, "who would have thought the Great Julie Cooper could actually sound concerned?"

As she heard those words, she realized she had a lot of things to change. She finally reached the pool house and knocked on the door. She could hear Ryan getting up as a light, "one minutes," could be heard from inside.

* * *

Ryan opened the door, and was surprised when he saw the eldest of the Cooper woman at his door. "Um... Julie, hi, Marissa isn't here if you're..."

He couldn't finish his sentence as Julie cut in, "I know, she's at home, sleeping."

Ryan glanced back at the clock thinking he had studied through the day, but when he saw it wasn't even four in the afternoon, he looked back at Julie with a slightly confused look, "she's not feeling well, and I'm figuring she's also hung over," she explained. "I actually came to see you."

"Um... okay, come in?" He asked her growing more confused by this strange visit.

"Thank you," that was another first.

"He closed the door behind her and made his way back to his bed where he sat down and motioned for her to grab the chair. "So um... what can I do for you?" He asked her.

"It's about Marissa..."

This time Ryan cut her off, "if this is going to be like last year, when you try and..."

He couldn't finish his sentence as Julie cut him off, once again, "no, Ryan, surprisingly, I'm not here to split the two of you up." Ryan looked at her confused, "Ryan, I actually am really worried about Marissa, she hasn't been herself lately, more so than usual, and I wanted to know if you knew if anything had happened to make her become like this?"

"Uh... um, no, I mean, yea, I have noticed that she is more distant than usual, and I know something's bothering her, but she always says she's fine and she won't talk to me..." He took a deep breath, "now that you bring it up... I have to say, Marissa, Marissa's not happy... and I don't know what to do."

His words echoed through Julie's mind, _"Marissa, Marissa's not happy."_ She sighed and closed her eyes as she thought back to the last time she had heard those exact words uttered by a blonde, expect, she seemed to have been a lot more sincere and caring than Ryan did at that point in time.

Julie had never doubted Ryan's feeling's for her daughter, but she had to admit that in these two somewhat similar situations, the other wife beater wearing blonde had seemed much more phased by the idea of something affecting Marissa.

She sighed once again as she nodded her head, she should have known that if something was eating at Marissa, she wouldn't actually talk about it. There would only one person who could maybe get through to her. With that, she thanked Ryan for his time and wished him luck with his studying; she left the pool house, leaving a stunned Ryan behind.

She made her way back to the main house and said her goodbye's to Kirsten and Sandy and then walked out the front door. As she reached her car she pulled out her phone.

Ryan walked into the main house shortly after Julie had done; he, Kirsten and Sandy all shared a look.

"You're alive!" Sandy exclaimed not long after, earning himself a slap from his wife.

"Yea..." Ryan replied absentmindedly.

""What happened?" Kirsten asked him.

"She... she just wanted to ask me if I knew what was going on with Marissa," he shrugged.

Both adults and the teen looked towards the door through which Julie had walked out of moments earlier, all wearing a perplexed look on their faces.

* * *

He had been lying on his bed thinking about how he and Summer could go about in order to get operation Chrismukkah moving along. He glanced over at his clock, _"one ten,"_ he thought to himself, a little less than two hours before he went over to Summer's.

He wanted to do something to move the plan along, it was the least he could do. He turned on the stereo to hear Death Cab as he lay there thinking out loud with Captain Oats by his side; "I have got to at least find her... or something that'll make it showing up easier... I could call?"

"No... you're right, too obvious," he replied to the horse.

"Hmmm... okay, what about Jodie? I mean, we didn't get along cause I was too busy worrying... but, maybe she'll know how to find Alex."

He looked at the plastic horse, "true... I don't know how to reach her or where to find her either... OH! Didn't Summer tell us that Marissa had gone to L.A. with Alex once? To see Jodie?"

He waited a few seconds, "right... how would I explain to Marissa the fact I need to see her..." He lay there, still deep in thought letting the toy gallop on his chest. When all of a sudden he stopped.

"Eu-freakin-rekah!" He sat up and held Captain Oats in front of his face, "I can go to the Bait Shop, ask around and if I find something out, I'll tell them I want to surprise her with the money I owe her... shit, I never did get that back to her..."

He sat there for a few more seconds until he jumped up and placed his horse on the night stand, "YES!" He pumped his fist in the air as he made his way out of his room.

He bounded down the stairs and saw he now had a little less than an hour before he was supposed to meet Summer; with his skateboard in hand, he swung open the door and made his way onto the street, where he proceeded to hop on his board to make his way over to the Bait Shop.

About fifteen minutes later, he jogged over t the doors that would lead him inside. He took two seconds to reminisce and two more to think over his plan to make sure it was a good one. Once he'd convinced himself, he burst through the door. As he reached the railing, he looked around, finally spotted a face he recognized and trekked his way down the stairs.

He went straight for the bar eyeing the girl who working behind, without looking up, the brunette spoke; "in case you can't tell, we're closed right now. Come back later and then you can get your drink."

Seth grabbed his chest, "aw, come on! Don't be like that Mandy, I need you!"

She looked up, she knew that voice, that whiney nagy voice; as she looked him over, she recognized him instantly, "oh, my, God! You do know Alex isn't here anymore right? I'm sorry but you'll have to harass other to get what you want, I ain't giving you jack!"

Seth rolled his eyes, "I'm not here for that," she quirked a brow and put down the glass she had been washing, giving him her full attention, "I know Alex isn't here... that's actually kind of why I need you."

She eyed him suspiciously, "what do you want Seth?"

He took a breath, "I need to know if you know where I can find her."

She looked at him, "didn't you date her for a while?"

Seth shook his head confused, "yea... why? _What's that got to do with anything?_"

This time Mandy was the one who rolled her eyes, "don't YOU have her number then? She hasn't changed it... it's still the same one," she told him.

Seth made a mental note of the fact, "yea, I do... but um, " he scratched his head pretending to be nervous, "I have something for her, and I wanted to surprise her... if I call her... that'll kind of ruin it you know?"

Mandy eyed the boy once again, he was being strange... but then again, Seth had always been an oddball.

She sighed and let out a breath, "last I heard from her, she had moved back in with her folks up in L.A. she said she was fine... but there was something missing... she wasn't the same Alex anymore. I'm only telling you this, because if what your 'surprise' is what I think it is... then I support it... she hasn't been the same since."

She looked at Seth who was now giving her an incredulous look, "I think she's working at another bar there. Nat said something about getting a call for a reference... De... Delirious... or something like that."

Seth looked at her, "for real? Oh man, Thanks!" He tried hiding his excitement, but he couldn't, this was just so much more than he had hoped for.

She nodded, and he started to walk away when he heard her voice break through, "hey Seth!"

He turned, stopping his thoughts from wondering if she could possibly have meant what he thought she meant, "tell Marissa she better not hurt her again... she's strong, but she's not that strong when it comes to your friend."

Seth looked at her mouth agape, he couldn't believe Mandy had figured it out. He nodded and turned back around mumbling something about women and their unnatural intuitions.

She smiled as she saw him leave; she hoped she had done the right thing, during her stay in Newport, Alex had become a good friend to Mandy, and she knew that Marissa had left a bigger hole in the blonde's big heart, than she let on. She was hoping things would work out for the best.

As Seth left the building, he shook himself out of it once more. If Mandy had known why he'd come and she had still told him what he needed to know, that could only mean, Summer and he had been right; Alex was still indeed not over Marissa, he smiled to himself; "_"Summer will be so happy!"_ he jumped back on his board and skated off to find Summer.

* * *

Summer was sitting in her room waiting for Seth to come by so both of them could figure out how to go about tracking Alex, when her phone rang. Thinking it was Seth who would try and explain why he was late, she picked up immediately, "COHEN! Where have you been? You know we have lot's... oh... hi. How are you? Yea, me too... tomorrow after five? Perfect okay. Thank you, for calling. Okay, bye."

Summer was starring at her phone, when Seth walked into the room; "okay, I'm sorry I'm late, BUT I was thinking and..." he finally saw his ex looking at her phone intensely. "Sums... you okay?" Summer still wasn't replying. "Sums... hey, sweetie?" When he finally got his girlfriends attention, he asked her again, "you okay? Who was that?" He pointed to the phone, "on the phone?"

Summer finally met his gaze, "the she-devil asked to meet me."

Seth looked confused and then realization hit, "Julie Cooper wants to meet with you?" He asked shocked.

"Tomorrow, at five to talk about Marissa..."

Seth put an arm around her, he could see how visibly shaken she was from it, "what are you going to do?" He asked her kindly.

"I don't know..."


	6. Chapter Five: Everytime I Look For You 2

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

The pair had arrived at the club a good hour before the opening band even went on to talk and chill, it was now two hours into the show The Stereophonics gig was coming to an end; the two girls had indulged in a fair amount of alcohol and they were both now starting to feel overly friendly with each other.

The band finished off the show and the crowd went into a wild frenzy as hundreds of teen bodies cheered on. "That. Was. Awesome!" Roxy yelled over to Alex as they walked over to the bar.

"It was wasn't it? You should have seen them a few months back. THAT was a gig!" Alex replied with a smile plastering her face and a faraway look as she remembered the night at the Bait Shop with Ma... she shook herself out of her memories as Roxy's voice broke through.

"You've seen them before?"

Alex nodded, "I booked them at the club I used to work at a little while back, it was a great night."

Roxy looked on stunned, "you've booked them?" Alex only nodded again, "but didn't you say that that bar was even smaller than Delusion's?"

"Yea...?" Alex replied a little confused as to where this was going.

"Huh... you must have been REAL loved there if you got bands like them to play!"

Alex smiled, "it was really great, I'm really glad I get to do at least half of what I used to there, at Delusion," she saw the open-mouthed look she was getting, "what?" She queried.

"Well... in the few weeks we've known each other, I've had the chance to see you in action at work, and I find what you do and you yourself insane... I can't believe it's only half of what you used to do..."

Alex laughed, "Newport isn't the same... plus I was on my own back then, it asked a lot more out of me than L.A. ever did."

Roxy laughed along, "and I'm sure the countless amount of girls you went out with were a lot more expensive dates than the one's from here eh?" She nudged Alex lightly and then threw her a wink.

Alex's laughter died down, she turned back to the bar and signalled for another beer as she chugged what she had left of the one she held, "sure..." she mumbled out.

Roxy could hear the sadness and figured she'd over-stepped her grounds, she was about to apologize when Alex looked back at her, "how do you feel about shots?"

Roxy sighed but nodded, in the little time she had gotten to know the blonde, she knew if Alex was to drink, it was best to drink along.

They stayed at the bar for a little while going from beers to drinks and shots and soon enough both girls had become a mass of giggles. About three drinks before they'd started making out, this increasing amount of free drinks were being offered to them by horny men. Neither cared, all it meant, was they'd be drinking more for less; when had that ever been a bad thing?

It wasn't long until the girls saw the lights flickering indication last call. The two shared a look, grabbed their last drink and finished them off in one swift motion. Once their poisons were gone, Alex threw a handful of bills on the bar to pay as Roxy grabbed her other hand and pulled her towards the outdoors.

The pair stumbled out of the door in a heap of laughter, they made their way over to Roxy's car who then tried to be decent and get the door for Alex.

"You know, it helps... it helps if you're actually at your car, if y...you want to be chivalrous," Alex told the red head from the next car over.

Roxy then looked at the car she had been trying to unlock and quickly realized Alex was right. She laughed, "I... I think that," she pointed to the car, "mean's I'm too drunk to drive."

Alex laughed, "you think?"

"Shut up," was the only mature reply the other girl could come up with. She held out her arm which Alex gladly took, "cab?" She questioned.

"Your place?" Alex answered.

Roxy eyed the girl for a moment, she knew it was probably the amount of alcohol and the sad feeling she had seen swarm over Alex's features at the mention of Newport earlier, that was bringing this on; but she also knew it was also the amount of alcohol she had consumed herself, that fuelled her reply, and before she could process it, "you read my mind," flew out of her mouth as she hailed a cab.

Roxy opened Alex's door and the two shared a laugh and then quickly got in. Roxy let the cabbie know where they were going and with that both girls went back to their friendly banter.

* * *

Once the shock of the phone call wore off, Summer let Seth explain himself as to why he was late, she had to admit, she was proud of the boy who'd surprisingly enough come up on top of his game with his last move. She was also ecstatic that someone who had had direct contact with Alex was telling them it could be good for the two girls to see each other again.

The two were sitting there contemplating their next move; "do you think we should call her?" Seth asked.

Summer shot him an incredulous look, "and say what? 'Hey Alex how are you, oh that's great, I'm glad to hear your feeling like crap. By the way Marissa feels the same. Yes, definitely, let's arrange a meet and greet for next week, shall we say two o'clock?'" She looked back at Seth, "no."

Seth sighed and slumped his shoulders, "what about trying to find that bar? We could call them?"

Summer looked at Seth for a second, "well... we still don't know what to tell them, but that's already better..." Summer pondered for a second, "what did you tell Mandy again?"

"Uh... that I had a surprise or Alex so calling her was out of the question."

"Hmm... okay, do you have anything else? Something we could use that's believable?"

"I could call, tell whomever answers that we used to date and I found something that I know meant a lot to her?"

Summer couldn't help but laugh.

"Hey! Why are you laughing?" Seth questioned her.

"It... it's just... I still, still can't believe she went out with you Cohen," Summer blurted in between laughs. "No one will believe that, especially when they see you."

Seth looked at her with a hurt look, "why is it so hard to believe?"

Summer looked at him as if it was the most obvious reason, "hello! Have you seen Alex? She's like... hot. And... you're like... not."

Seth looked at her even more hurt grasping his chest, "Summer!" He shrieked, "that hurts, a lot. Right here." He poked himself in the chest, "I am, and she liked me because of my charm so pft!" He threw his head to the side. They stayed like that a few more seconds when he turned back, "besides, you should know, you and I were together longer than Alex and I ever were. You know how I can be!"

Summer looked at him, "I declare that time of my life momentary insanity."

Seth shot her a piercing look, "I thought you were different."

Summer sighed, "and I thought we were trying to get your ex-girlfriend and my best friend back together. So quit being a girl and think. Come to think of it, maybe that's why Alex dated you; you're like... a girl in a boy."

"I am not!" He exclaimed.

"You sure as hell whine like one, now shut up and think!" She told him exasperatedly.

The two stayed quiet for a short while, "Summer?" Seth questioned lightly.

Summer looked up, there was something in Seth's eyes, she hadn't seen it there in a while, "what?" She asked him calmly.

"I miss you."

Summer sighed, she missed Seth, she really did, and she definitely wanted to get back with him but she was so drained lately what with taking care of Marissa that she didn't think it'd be fair to Seth, not now so she only looked up at him with longing in her eyes, "I miss you too, but... I'm really worried about Marissa; can we figure whatever is going on with us after we deal with the lesbos?"

Seth let out a breath, "yea sure."

The silence over-took the room and once again, it was Seth who broke it, "Summer?"

"What Seth?" She was too tired for this.

"I think I figured it out."

Summer looked at him expectantly, so he carried on; "I can't believe it slipped my mind, it was my original plan. We find the bar, call it up, ask for the boss and then we tell him we knew Alex from Newport and that I owe her some money that I'm sure she'd like to get back, plus we haven't seen her and we'd want to surprise her... then we ask for her schedule."

Summer looked stunned, "that may just work Cohen... GET TO IT! OH MY GOD!" In her moment of joy she leaped towards him and hugged him tightly, relishing in the feeling she had been missing. She eventually pulled away and urged him to get a move on.

* * *

Josh was working in the office that day, it had been a slow night so he was getting caught up on some paper work; he had to admit, as he looked over what lay on his desk, he was quick to realize that ever since Alex had gotten on board, he hadn't had to stay in as late as he used to. Which both he and his wife were grateful for; it was during these moments that he took notice of how much he owed the blonde woman who worked for him.

He was in the middle of going over stock orders when someone from the bar yelled out to him, "hey Josh! Get the phone it's for you!"

"Thanks Jesse!" He yelled back as he grabbed the receiver. "Hello?"

"_Hi... uh, you... you're the owner of the bar right?"_

"Um, yes, I am, may I ask who's calling?"

"_GREAT! Hi, my name's Seth, how are you?"_

Josh sat back in his chair, "I'm Josh, and I'm doing alright." He waited a few seconds, "may I ask who you are and why you're calling?"

"_Oh! Right, um, well," _Seth took a deep breath, _"you see... I'm kind of stuck in a pickle. I have this friend, who moved away, and um, I'm trying to find her... and I was told you could help me."_

Josh scratched his head as he heard this, this was the strangest call he'd received in a long time, just as he was about to ask what this had to do with him it all came down to him. "You're Seth Cohen." It was more a statement than a question.

"_Um... if it's a good thing, yes. If it's a bad thing, no."_

"That depends on why you're calling."

"_Well... it has to do with Alex."_

"Uh huh... keep going."

"_I have to find her."_

"Well young man, might I say you're doing a mighty fine job at tracking her down, but if I remember what Alex told me, you knew her when she was living in Newport, no?"

"_Well... yea we kind of dated for a... OUCH! Summer! What the hell!"_

Josh could hear the phone fumbling around and then he heard another voice, _"hi, I'm Summer; ignore Cohen he's being an idiot."_

Josh couldn't help but chuckle, "alright and how may I help you Summer?"

"_Well, you see, we need to find Alex, without her knowing we're looking for her."_

"May I ask why?"

"_Um... Seth wants to surprise her with the money she loaned him."_

Josh sat there with a smile on his face, "clearly."

Summer could hear the disbelief in the man's voice, _"why is it hard to believe?"_

"Oh no, I believe you, I just, I don't believe those are your real intentions."

Summer was caught off guard, _"I... I don't think I know what you mean."_

"Well, you see, I don't know why someone would go through so much trouble to pay back a loan. I doubt it was that massive that surprising Alex with it would really be just that... a surprise." Josh waited a few seconds, "I'm sure seeing people she knew from Newport would be a much better surprise... if you catch my drift."

Summer caught on quickly, _"of course, which is why we don't want her to know we're thinking about coming down to visit... cause if that were the case, then maybe she would try and tell us not to bother, that we could just send the money. That it wouldn't be enough reason to come down you know?"_

Josh was smiling at that point, he knew he liked these kids already, the Summer girl had spunk, and he knew they were both talking about the same thing. "Of course, well... in that case we want you to be able to catch her off guard right? So then, what can I do to help Summer?"

Summer smiled as well, _"well... if we were to maybe get a glimpse of her work schedule, we could maybe stop by one day you know?"_

"I think that's a very good idea, here let me see what her schedule looks like."

"_Thanks... uh, Mr. Delusion."_

Josh chuckled at the name, he looked through his files and soon enough found what he was looking for and he told Summer. Summer thanked him soon after and they were saying their goodbye's when, _"I'm sorry but I have to ask... is our secret safe with you?"_

"If it's any reassurance to you my dear Summer, I've known Alex a long time, and I think having a visit from people who mean well for will do her a great deal of good."

Summer let out a sigh of relief, _"thank you Mr. Delusion, I hope we get to meet when we come down."_

"I hope so too, say goodbye to Seth for me."

"_Will do."_

With that Josh hung up, he looked up and thought over the conversation, he was hoping he'd done the right thing in giving them Alex's schedule. Hopefully this would all work out for the best.

* * *

The following day seemed to be all kinds of wrong. Ryan had wanted to spend some quality time together with Marissa; he had wanted to see if his 'hero services' could possibly be of any use. After all, he was the one who'd saved Marissa countless times before and if Julie Cooper-Nichol had come to see him, there had to be something he could do.

He'd come to pick her up, much too early in her opinion, she was still hung over from the previous night, and all she wanted was to stay home and sleep. He wouldn't budge, so she eventually told him to wait for her as she went to shower.

Unknowingly by him, she also consumed her morning dose of a healthy breakfast, consisting of some wonderful vodka; after all, she did need something to get through the day. They headed out an hour later and decided to head to the beach. Well, more like Ryan told her that's where they were going.

She had spent the greater part of the day telling him she was fine and she had secretly been watching the surfers out in the ocean, hoping she'd catch a glimmer of blonde hair, she knew that wouldn't actually happen, but a girl could always hope.

She had to give the boy some credit, at least he was trying to understand, but how could he, she wouldn't tell him and he would never be able to. They eventually made it out to the Crab Shack to have lunch, she had honestly tried to at least keep her end of the conversation going; but it seemed to be an impossible task for her. There were too many awkward silences to actually pass it off as if nothing were wrong.

It seemed she'd done a good enough job to convince Ryan though; apparently, the boy really was that easy to fool, she started to wonder if maybe he just didn't care as much anymore and just hadn't noticed. She shrugged it off as he proposed to go to the pool house.

Ryan obviously thought his brooding burly man routine had 'fixed' whatever Julie thought was wrong. He didn't notice that the dead silences weren't in fact comfortable; maybe they were for him, maybe things had just escalated to that extent.

Marissa only agreed to go back home with him thinking maybe it would help her get her mind off things. On their way over to the Cohen's, they passed by the Bait Shop, and that's when Marissa stopped dead in her tracks. She had seen a swirl of blonde hair.

Ryan was still walking when all of a sudden he realized Marissa wasn't holding his hand anymore; he looked back and saw her standing there, "what's wrong?" He asked her kindly.

That's when Marissa saw the girl turn around, she had a close resemblance to Alex's build, but she was nowhere near as gorgeous as Alex was. She shook herself out of her daze; "nothing," she replied to the blonde boy who held out his hand, she took it with her own and immediately realized how it fit oddly. Their hands just didn't seem to match, it was nothing compared to how her's and Alex used to fit within each other.

They kept on walking and soon enough, they'd arrived at the Cohen's, it was still in the early afternoon, so they were alone. Sandy was at his office, Kirsten was working, and Seth was with Summer. They walked in and after each having grabbed a bottle of water they went over to the pool house. It didn't take long for Ryan to grab Marissa's arm spinning her to him so he could kiss her.

* * *

They had finally arrived and the girls had had their fare waved off as the cabbie had enjoyed the free show the two girls had given him, well, it wasn't particularly for him, but they had made out for the better part of the ride. However, they couldn't care less that they had been perved on; in their drunken minds, all that mattered at that point was not having to spend cab money and getting home, for there was a definite tension between the two, but neither could pin point it's actual reason.

They stumbled their way into Roxy's apartment, she had told the blonde on the way over that her roommate was out of town for the remainder of the week, therefore both girls didn't have to bother attempting to stay quiet.

The two were once again a laughing mess as they entered the living room. Once Roxy regained her composure, she looked over at Alex, "hey... you want to watch a movie?"

Alex quickly nodded after all, the night was still young.

"Cool, um... you, you can make yourself at home, I'm going to go grab a change of clothes for the both of us, you can pick whatever you want."

Alex thanked her as she walked in what the blonde presumed to be the bedroom. She contemplated going in there for a moment, but there was something telling her hazy brain not to, so she refrained, besides, they had all night ahead of them.

She started to walk around the living space; she looked at the pictures, figuring the other common girl happened to be her roommate. She moved on to the section of the wall covered in DVD's and grabbed the first movie that seemed mildly mind-numbing.

She was about to keep on wandering when she caught sight of the pile of CD's carelessly staked near the stereo. Alex loved music; it was her passion. Good music, really good music, could keep a soul alive when nothing else could. Any music could do that, which was one of the reasons Alex had always liked and listened to a variety of styles.

Of course there were some she would always prefer, but she had been shown a world wide range as a kid. Bad ass Kelly was known for her love of punk, rock, indie and alternative; but what most people didn't know, was that her musical genres, went from classical to rap, with jazz, country, rock, pop, world, techno, blues and everything else in between. She didn't judge based on music preferences, but in her opinion, you could tell a whole lot about a person if you flipped through their CD collection.

As she stood there going through a pile of radio pop, she couldn't help but wonder; she had never pinned Roxy as a Brittany fan, nor a Pussycat fan, especially not even a 50 Cent fan... _"huh... people really can surprise you..."_

It was at that moment that Roxy appeared behind her, Alex jumped and would have dropped the CD's she was holding if she didn't love music so much, "don't you know you're not supposed to sneak up on people?" A pang of pain shot through her eyes as she recalled the last time she had uttered those same words.

As quickly as it had come, it left her as she realized Roxy's face was depicting an emotion she hadn't seen there before. "Hey... what's wrong?" She may have been beyond tipsy, and well into drunken land, but she still had control.

Roxy looked at Alex trying to read the blonde she'd befriended and had had a more than friendly relationship with over the last few weeks. The two were always flirting, bantering, making out, they'd yet to go further, but Roxy knew that it was a strong possibility.

She had long ago accepted that even if her and Alex's relationship were to develop into something serious, she would never be able to fully capture Alex's heart; it simply wasn't her's to have. The two had never spoken about it, but Roxy wasn't a blind idiot, she had known from day one that someone had both broken and stolen Alex's heart; and that no one would ever be able to take their place in Alex's eyes, no matter the hurt they had caused the blonde.

She had wanted to try none-the-less, Roxy had learned long ago, that you can't always get what you want, but the least you can do is try. She'd accepted that and had been living that way for as long as she could remember. Of course, things weren't always perfect, but at least she never went to bed wondering 'what if.' Besides, she knew if anything, Alex would always remain a great friend and that was another thing she had known from the start.

Secretly however, she had hoped she'd been wrong and that she'd still have a chance with the blonde surfer, but after what she had read while she was changing, she realized that, she would probably never succeed. So, she had decided from that point on, that she would let Alex know how she felt and what she wanted and let Alex lead the way from then on.

The red head had accepted, from the beginning, the possibility that she would be used as a means to forget, she also knew, that Alex wouldn't even realize that she would be using her; but she was okay with that, she had come to terms with that.

She liked Alex, a lot; more than she had anyone in a long time, but she was a strong believer in true love, and she had realized as she sat on her bed before, reading the contents of the letter that had fallen out of Alex's CBGB shirt earlier, that she didn't want to mess with that.

The letter had explained a lot though; Roxy now knew why Alex had that lost soul look deep in her eyes, and why she would often catch her off in her reveries. As much as she didn't want to mess with it, she knew that if Alex would give her the chance, she'd still be willing to dive head first in a relationship with her, a relationship that would surely end with more hurt than necessary, because she knew she could easily fall for the blonde and she also knew that those feelings could never be returned.

"Hey... are you okay?" Alex's question poked through her thoughts as she stood in front of the blonde. Alex had stood there watching her and the emotions that played over her features; she couldn't make out what they were for they were floating by much too rapidly, but she could tell that the red head she had learned to like was really going through some heavy thinking.

Finally Roxy's warm and inviting green eyes focussed on her's, "sorry... what?"

Alex placed a comforting hand on her arm, "I asked if you were okay... you seemed... I don't know what you were there," she offered her a reassuring smile, which was quickly returned.

Roxy nodded, "yea... just um, I saw something and it sent my mind reeling."

"You want to talk about it?" Alex knew they hadn't had a lot of heartfelt conversations, but she knew, just like she knew Roxy knew that the two could talk to each other if needed and wanted to. Their friendship had simply more focussed on fun things.

Alex wasn't blind either, she knew Roxy also had a dark past that had left a cloud hanging over her, the two had simply taken an easy fun route, both knowing it's what the other needed.

Roxy shook her head and flashed Alex a smile. "You want something to drink? While we're watching..." she grabbed the DVD Alex had picked out, "_Bring It On_?" With an incredulous look, "really Alex?" She laughed at the blonde who simply shrugged.

"You and I both know we won't make it past thirty minutes before you can't control yourself, over hot little ol' me and then jump me! So, I figured what the hell!" Alex replied with a wink.

Roxy looked at her mouth agape feigning hurt, "for that, you wait forty minutes."

She stuck her tongue at the blonde who simply shrugged and replied, "you won't be able to wait. OH! Yea, bring some booze if you've got, BUT! How bout we make this little screening a little more interesting? Every time someone makes a cheer pun, whenever one of the male cheerleaders get's ridiculed and whenever a new team appears, you got's to drink!"

Roxy laughed and nodded to the blonde who seemed overly enjoyed by the idea, as she walked back to the kitchen, Alex went back to the pile of CD's and laughed, "you know, now I understand why you've got this cheerleader pop. It fits with the movies you seem to have, but to be honest, I REALLY didn't pin you as a Hilary Duff fan!" She yelled over to the kitchen.

She heard a laugh which was soon followed by Roxy's voice, "those aren't mine, they're my roommates." She walked back in striking an awkward pose, "do I really strike you as the cheerleading type Kelly?"

Both girls laughed, "my roommate," she went back in the kitchen, "Amy, she's your typical American prom queen." She came back with two beers and a bottle of whiskey, she held the latter up to make sure it was fine and when Alex nodded she moved to the living room table and plopped down on the couch.

"She's really great though, I mean, she's your typical all American girl, minus the bitch part," she shrugged.

Alex moved towards the couch, as she was about to sit down, Roxy looked her over, "you do realize I brought clothes out for you... right? Do you need help changing Kelly?" As she finished, she pointed to the pile of clothing she'd left on the back of the couch right next to where Alex had been standing.

The blonde got up and hit her friend as she grabbed the clothes, "I was too distracted by your weird taste in music slash personality type. And no thank you very much! You wish I'd let you help me change!" She stuck out her tongue as she went over to what she'd earlier acknowledged to be the bathroom.

"Don't stick out your tongue at me unless you intend on using it!"

It was the last thing she heard as she closed and locked the bathroom door.

* * *

Marissa was so shocked by Ryan's action, so surprised in fact, and caught off guard that she didn't even notice how he'd thrust his tongue into her mouth, claiming it as his own. He was so into the moment that he didn't even realize she wasn't kissing him back. He moved them towards the bed so the two were now laying down, Ryan slightly a top Marissa.

The brunette had managed to break off the kiss but Ryan had misread her intentions and started to trail kisses across her jaw line and down her neck. She heard him mumble something along the lines of waiting so long for this moment to happen again, and that's when she felt his hands on her waist.

She had to stop him; she pushed his hands back down before they could find a way under her shirt. There was just something within the feeling, in the touch. He broke contact with her neck and resumed kissing her in what he thought was in a passionate way.

His hands kept moving downwards, this time they stopped at her jeans; that's when her eye's shot open and all she could see was Trey, she felt Trey's rough hands travel south as she tried pushing him off of her. Marissa tried to push Ryan off, the same way she had tried Trey; but as she tried to move away, her hips thrust upwards, and Ryan read it in a completely different way.

He moved his head down and started leaving a trail of kisses along her lower abdomen as his hands moved back upwards, this time finding a way under her shirt. Once his hands made contact with her skin, Marissa was over-whelmed once again, however, it was another intense feeling that filled her mind; she wasn't feeling Trey, and when she opened her eyes, she wasn't seeing him either.

Her subconscious was twisting what she was feeling, she knew it was Ryan's rough rugged hands, that were now slowly creeping up her sides, but instead, she held for a brief second, a flash of soft, delicate, loving hands moving over her stomach and sides, slowly reaching upwards...

That's when she shot up; Ryan broke contact and looked down at her confused. Marissa quickly got off the bed and grabbed her purse along the way. She turned back around and faced Ryan as she started walking backwards, towards the door.

"Marissa? Look, I'm... I'm sorry, did... did I hurt you? Or something?" He asked, clearly concerned, but Marissa could see, she could see a hint of frustration in his eyes.

"N...No... I'm... I'm sorry, I just, I can't..." she replied.

"Okay, I'm sorry... I thought you wanted to..." he slowly got up off the bed.

"N...no, I do _just... not with you."_

"Marissa!" he yelled after her as she had turned around and ran out. "Marissa, wait!" He tried as he opened the door he could only see Marissa running off and Seth walking towards him.

"Dude, what did you do?" The curly haired boy asked.

"I don't know..."

* * *

A few hours later, the clock was nearing five am and the girls were now more wasted than before. They had gone through half the bottle of Jack and a few bottles of beer each. They actually had watched the movie in its entirety, both enjoying the game that accompanied it; but now, about an hour later, the two found themselves in Roxy's bed both lying on their sides as they restlessly made out.

The heat in the room was rising as both bodies started to get tangled in one another. Roxy had slowly but surely gained control; both were influenced but Alex was at an emotional disadvantage, the emotional and physical tiredness she had grown accustomed to, made her a much easier prey to the powers of alcohol.

As Roxy lay partially on top, lightly straddling Alex, she made sure to take it slow enough so Alex could make the whole thing come to an end if she wanted to. Gradually Alex's hands found themselves travelling lower towards Roxy's lower back, unconsciously, she was aiming to hit all the spots she knew would make Marissa go weak.

As Roxy felt Alex's hands travel down, she willed them to go slightly lower; she moved her kisses down Alex's strong jaw heading upwards towards her ear. As she did so, she realized Alex's hands were slowly massaging her lower back, which she appreciated, it felt great, but it wasn't what she was hoping for. So as casually and gently as gently as she could she let her own hands follow down Alex's arms, once she reached the blonde's hands, she lightly pushed them towards her own butt.

Behind Alex's closed eyelids, she was picturing Marissa, as she felt the rougher hands push her own a little lower, she opened her eyes slightly shocked, as much as she had always loved Marissa's bottom, she knew that only a little higher could make the lanky girl go weak, hence why she usually stayed away till later on in their debacles to reach for it.

She was slightly taken aback when she realized the girl on top of her wasn't Marissa. She stiffened only for a few seconds until she remembered she was with Roxy. Of course, different people liked different things. As soon as she realized it, she let her hormones take control once again.

Soon enough, she had closed her eyes once more, she was back in Newport, back in her apartment with Marissa on top of her; and as Roxy kept on slowly kissing, licking, sucking and nibbling along her neck, she moved herself slightly higher and reciprocated the action lightly, but soon moved to the red head's collar bone and gently, yet firmly bit down on the skin her lips found.

As Roxy kept on her feast, she felt Alex stiffen but it was gone in an instant, causing her to believe she had imagined it. She soon felt Alex move up her own jaw line and was about to let out a whimper of appreciation when just as quickly as the contact came, it left.

It wasn't two seconds later that she felt the skin on her collar bone get bitten. She normally would have shrugged it off, she knew a lot of people enjoyed it, but she had never been one of those people, her skin there had always been rather sensitive. She figured if she didn't show any sign of appreciation, Alex would move on, but soon enough, Alex had bitten her again, and this time slightly harder.

It wasn't until the third time, where she thought Alex was going to attempt drawing blood from her that she pulled away from Alex's skin and looked at the girl below her. Alex felt the loss of contact and, still in her memory lane, thought she'd hurt Marissa, even though she knew the brunette could handle her own. She quickly opened her eyes only to find a pair of green one's starring back at her.

She was about to push off the girl above her when she once again, remembered she and Marissa were no longer together. She looked at Roxy's flushed face, looked back at her collar bone and quickly assessed that Roxy was probably not a fan of the biting she was doing. She flashed her an apologetic smile and reached up to kiss her lips once more.

Roxy let Alex go back in and the two were once again engaged in a heated make out session. Both girls were now sticking to lips on lips and instead, let their hands roam. It wasn't long before Roxy's hands found a way under Alex's shirt and she began rubbing the expanse of toned muscle and California tanned skin she found. Alex couldn't help but moan at the touch; she had to admit the hands were rougher than normal, which only served as a constant reminder that this was indeed someone other than the one person she wanted to be with.

None-the-less, she reminded herself that they were no longer together and as much as it pained her, she knew she would eventually have to move on and try and be with someone else. So what if it meant she could never be with someone the way she knew she could have been with the Newport princess; she'd have to try and Roxy had been really good to her so far, so why not give it a shot, who was to say she'd get hurt? It was at that moment, that Alex let her own hands linger at the bottom of Roxy's shirt, slightly massaging skin she found while slowly slipping the shirt higher up.

Feeling Alex moving along, Roxy took the initiative and slightly sat up, enough to let her own hands slip out of Alex's shirt and grab the hem of her own causing her shirt to be discarded of in point two seconds.

As Alex lay down watching this gorgeous, now half naked girl before her, rational, emotion Alex left the building, leaving only behind a drunk and emotional Alex. She couldn't help but allow her hands to caress the new found skin; she was getting closer to Roxy's bra, but was stopped as she heard Roxy's voice for the first time in a while.

"Not fair, you've got too much on," the girl whispered, with that said Roxy let her hands guide Alex's shirt upwards. Alex lifted herself slightly, only enough so the shirt could come off easily. As Roxy tossed the shirt over her shoulder, Alex lay back down slipping her fingers under the red heads straps and pulling her down slowly on top of her.

Roxy followed along except as Alex's back hit the mattress, she could feel a lump in her mid back. Quickly realizing what Roxy was doing, she reached up and kissed her as her own hands found a way under and behind the other girl's clasp. Soon enough, both clasps were undone and as Roxy pulled away, letting her fingers trail over to the straps, rational Alex came back a knocking on the door.

Emotional Alex answered in time, just as drunken Alex was about to let herself be somewhat exposed, she sat upwards, her hands quickly reaching up to cover herself before anyone, who wasn't the one, could ogle her goodies.

Alex couldn't determine whether it was a good or a bad thing, that thoughts, more like hopes, of her and Marissa still having a chance flooded her mind.

Roxy couldn't help but be slightly taken aback by the action; this causing her own goodie barrier to fall between the two. Before she could even attempt to figure out what had happened, she saw Alex turn away as she clipped her bra back on mumbling an, "I'm sorry; we can't do this, I'm sorry, I led you on," speech.

She barely had the time to process the last three minutes as she felt the weight shift on the bed.

* * *

Marisa had known from the start, that after a Ryan filled day she would be in need of a heavy dose; but she hadn't expected to live through, with Ryan, what had happened with Trey, and Alex. After having had a day with Ryan but being continuously reminded of Alex and how the blonde had made her feel like no other. After that and reliving what could have happened with Trey, she knew she would need more than a heavy dose to numb it all away...

She'd found her way to a secluded spot on the beach, a spot Alex had shown her. She plopped down and started drinking, quickly, it wasn't long before she had already gone through half the bottle vodka she'd brought with her.

After a day like the one she'd just had, the alcohol wouldn't numb everything straight away, no it wasn't one of those drunken days; that day was becoming a pensive philosophical drunken day. Her thoughts were consumed of memories; her first time with Luke, her first time with Ryan, her first time with DJ, her first time with Alex, and then the incident. When her thoughts reached Trey, her memories cut short.

She brought the bottle back up to her lips, her mind now travelling to her relationships. She was expending all of her energy on analysing her past. She couldn't help but think of all the mistakes she'd made, and everything that had made each relationship unique.

Luke; Luke had been her first everything, he was the first boyfriend, her first love, her first 'social move' if you will, she shuddered at the thought, her first time with a boy, her first time period, he was her first heartbreak, the first to sleep with her mum, he was the first to destroy a part of her heart. His being the first in everything is what had made him special, unique. There wasn't anything she could do about it.

Ryan; Ryan was the first chance at something new. There was something about him that had caused her to feel something for the boy. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't like anyone from Newport. He was 'the bad boy.' Everyone thought she had been using him against her mum, but she truly had loved him... _at one point._ He wasn't like anyone else in the sense that he was real, he didn't try to be something he wasn't, he was the first who had seen that she was different as well. True, she wore the clothes, lived the life, acted the part, but he had been the first with whom she didn't feel like she needed to be Newport. He was her saviour of the time; he was her saviour from Luke, from her Mum, from her life, from her dad even at that point. He had been unique, because he was the change she needed, he had opened up a whole new world for her.

Then came DJ; DJ had been... God, what HAD DJ been? If anyone had been a weapon against her mum, he was it. She felt bad about how she'd used him; he was the first guy she had ever used. Their relationship was hidden, and solely based on sex. He wasn't even a bad guy, he'd wanted to treat her right, but she had never let him, had she let him do so, things would have become too real, and at that point in time, that wasn't what she wanted. She had wanted a distraction, and in a way, that's what had made him special, he had been her first affair with the life she lived, he was a card straight out her mother's playbook.

Then, then came Alex; she took a big gulp of vodka as she let her mind begin the journey of Alex. Alex... she didn't know how to describe what Alex had been, and not in a bad way the way she didn't know how to describe DJ, she didn't know how to describe her because she had been the first breath of fresh air Marissa had had in a long time. She couldn't even remember what fresh air had been like until Alex came into her life.

She had often compared it to when she had met Ryan, except this had been ten times better. Ryan had presented Marissa with a new world; Alex on the other hand, had taken her hand, given her a reassuring smile and led her into a new life. She had, for once, for the first time, she had actually felt alive, loved and she felt she could trust.

She knew Luke had loved her at one point, but eventually, she became a conquest, with Ryan, she knew the boy had loved her truly, at a certain time, but eventually, she believed it became an infatuation. She had never doubted his love for her, and she knew that he had loved him as well at one point, but there had always been a part of her heart that was never fully in it.

DJ... DJ was DJ. There had been no love there. Alex though, even if it had never been said between the two, she had known from the start that the blonde loved her; and she had known just as well, that she felt the same. Alex had been her real saviour, Ryan had saved her from everyone else, for everyone else, Alex had saved her from her greatest enemy: herself, along with everything else. Alex had not only shown her a different life, but she had let her live it, and that's what had made unique.

In a way, all three boys had destroyed a part of Marissa's heart, a little like everyone else in her life. But Alex, Alex had given Marissa her own heart; in the end Marissa was too late, too late to give the blonde her heart as well. Only once it was over, when she had left the pendant, had she given the blonde her own heart, _"I hope you understood that meant I was giving you my heart, even if I was too late, you always will be the one person I can trust with it, the one person who's ever had it fully."_ The blonde after all, had been the one to put it back together.

With those last thoughts, Marissa brought the bottle up for a final drink; she looked at it and realized the clear liquid was well below the three quarter mark. She stayed there a little longer, until a shiver ran down her spine and she decided she should head on over to Summer's for the night.

She got up and dusted off the sand she had on her jeans, grabbed her bag and bottle and looked at the time, _"five"_ she thought to herself, a little earlier than usual but hey, she'd had a rough day, and with that, she started off the fifteen minute walk.

* * *

I took Roxy a total of two seconds to process and react, As soon as she felt the weight shift, she jumped upward and made a quick motion to grab Alex's arm.

Alex, who was still mumbling incoherently as she looked around, barely felt the hand that had wrapped itself around her arm. However, as she felt the slight tug, she spun around and just as quickly she turned back when she caught sight of Roxy's bare chest.

Roxy glanced down and realized what Alex was getting at, she reluctantly let go but only after having mumbled a light, "don't go. Wait," to Alex. She fixed herself enough so she was no longer exposed. "You can turn back now."

Alex only wanted to bolt out, but for some reason, she simply couldn't. She slowly turned back to face the girl she thought could be her way out. No words were spoken, Roxy simply looked her over, she could feel the emotions Alex was feeling for the were radiating off of her in waves. She flashed the blonde a sweet and inviting smile and opened her arms as she sat back down on the bed.

Alex, although reluctant at first, felt reassured as the red head took a gentle hold of her hand and tugged her over reassuringly. Alex followed, deciding that situation was not intimidating her. As she sat on the bed, Roxy pulled her towards her and slowly, Alex was easily situated between the girl's legs sideways as she felt a pair of strong yet comforting arms wrap themselves around her.

As if the arms were a lever to the barrier, Alex couldn't help it, her floodgates opened; she didn't know what she was crying for anymore, who it was for, what she felt, all she knew, was that she was crying... again. She was starting to get tired of this, but she couldn't hold it in, even though she had spoken to her dad, her two childhood friends, even partially to her boss, there was just something about having someone who didn't know you like everyone else, just embrace you, letting you know it was okay, that things would work out.

There was something, about having someone who knew nothing of the nature of your pain, yet they made you believe everything would be alright. Alex tried to formulate a sentence, but she couldn't, the racking sobs just shot through her body, she faintly heard Roxy telling her it was alright, to just let it out.

* * *

It was around four forty-five when the door bell rang at the Roberts residence; Summer made her way down from her room knowing who it was. She finally reached the door and opened it, "Mrs. Cooper, hi."

"Please, Summer, I've known you all your life, call me Julie," the older woman smiled at her, "how are you sweetie?"

Summer smiled at her best friends mum, "I'm good Julie, how about you?"

"Honestly, I'm really worried about her Summer, I talked to Ryan and even he said he didn't know what was on her mind, I knew if there was someone who would, it would be you."

"Well, you know how she is, she's as stubborn as they come, but I managed to get her to talk to me."

"I'm glad she at least has someone to talk to."

Both shared a smile, Summer finally realized they were still in the door way, so she opened the door wider telling Julie to come inside, "would you like anything to drink?"

"No no, I'm alright thank you though."

Summer nodded, "we can go in my room to talk." When she saw Julie nod she led the way. Once there Julie took a look around the pink room, and smiled at the girl.

"You have a nice room, it's very you."

"Thanks! Dad let me decorate it as I..." she snapped herself out of it; this wasn't why they were there. "Um... sorry," she flashed the elder woman a shy smile.

"It's alright."

A silence settled upon them once again, however, Summer being Summer just jumped right into the topic they were both there to discuss. "Anywho! You're here because of Marissa, so! What is it that you want to know?"

"I am, I'm just growing more worried about her, I know she's been spending more and more nights here with you, and I clearly heard her calling me the 'she-devil' a few nights ago, and I know she's always hung over when she gets back home." Summer nodded, so she continued, "she was doing so good a few months ago, even I had noticed that she was much happier then, and then one day she started drinking again, and then, a few weeks later I noticed she was even worse than before. It's like something happened, but I don't know what..."

Summer could tell Julie seemed to have an idea about what could have happened, she just didn't want to admit it, "Julie..." she waited until the red head looked at her, "you know, that you know what set her back don't you?"

Julie sighed, "this... this has to do with," she took a breath, "Alex... doesn't it?"

Summer looked at the woman, she couldn't tell the emotion she was reading in the woman's eyes but she decided honesty at this point was the best way to go, she could tell Julie was trying to treat the matter differently this time, never had she gone to see her behind Marissa's back before. "A big part of it, yes."

Julie's head shot up, "wait... a big part? You mean there's more?" Julie looked at Summer and she saw pain and sadness flicker across her eyes, however briefly, but she did see it, "Summer, what else is eating at her?"

Summer shook her head, she knew the tears were coming in, "I... I can't tell you."

"Summer, this has to do with my daughter, I HAVE to know!"

"I know you do, but... but she doesn't want anyone to know, I tried telling her otherwise, but she... she won't listen...

That's when Julie's worse fear became reality, any mother's worse fear, really... "Summer... did someone hurt Marissa?"

A few tears escaped Summer's eyes at that point, she was about to reply when all of a sudden, "Sum! I know... I know you're in there! Open the door."

Summer looked up and met Julie's eyes, they both shared a look, without taking her eyes off the eldest Cooper, she answered back, "give me a sec Coop, I need to get dressed." She then looked back at Julie, she lowered her voice, "she doesn't want anyone to know, and I told her I wouldn't tell, don't worry, nothing did happen though," she hated herself for telling her best friends mum, but she had asked, and she wasn't about to tell her the entire story anyway, "I can't tell you more than that. She got away, but she won't talk about it, she did come to me, so you have to be aware that she's not shutting down. I got her to promise me to at least talk to me. I'm really sorry Julie, but... I don't want to say any more and risk breaking the one link we've got to Marissa not shutting everyone out..."

"COME ONN, SUM... IT'S... it's been a bad day... please, hurry," they could tell Marissa was beyond drunk and her voice was not only slurring, but it was become more and more low.

"She drinks it away, she did start after Alex left, it's affected her harder than anyone of us could have imagined, what happened after just hurt her even more..."

Julie now had tears in her eyes as well... someone had tried to hurt her baby, not only that, but she had guessed right, Alex was a big part of Marissa's shutting down. For once, she felt horrible, she didn't know how to fix it, she looked up at Summer who was giving her a reassuring smile, "I'm working on getting her back, and that can go both ways, but..." Summer took a deep breath, "the only way I know will make her better involves Alex, and I need to know that you won't interfere again... last time nearly killed her, I don't know what would happen if you meddled again." Summer finished off sternly. She knew she was talking to her best friends mum, but at that point she didn't care, this was Coop, and no one messed with her happiness, if they did, they had her to go through.

Julie smiled at the small girl before her, she knew how much Marissa meant to Summer, and she had seen the protective side come out of her many times before; but she had only vaguely witnessed it, she knew she would have to deal with Summer if she dared meddling again. "At this point, I want my daughter to be okay, if it's Alex we need, then so be it. I think it's made me realize that all this wasn't a ploy." She got up, "if you need any help with getting her here, or finding her or anything, will you let me know?"

Summer looked at her shocked, she simply nodded, but when she saw Julie reach for the handle, a look of fear appeared, she was about to scream out and tell her not to open the door but it was too late.


	7. Chapter Five: Everytime I Look For You 3

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

They stayed like that for a little while. When Alex's tears subsided, she pulled away slightly, only enough to look at the girl who had been holding her. Roxy gave the blonde before her another sweet smile as she gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Alex couldn't help but let out a little laugh as she wiped at her eyes, she gave the petite girl a smile before letting her head fall back on the girl's shoulder as she spoke, "sorry about that..."

Roxy shook her head, "don't be, I shouldn't have pushed this, I knew here was a strong chance you weren't ready for this." As she saw the look Alex was giving her, she furthered her explanation, "I mean, Alex, since I've known you, I knew there was something about you, I could see the pain in your eyes. I wanted to try and help you ease it away, but as time moved on, I guess I realized I couldn't."

She took a deep breath; "I like you Alex. I do, I like you a lot; and, I wanted to be with you, I hoped I could make you forget whatever it was that had hurt you before, but I soon figured out I'd always be fighting for a lost cause."

Alex felt those words resonate but quickly shook it off as Roxy kept on. "I decided I'd let you guide whatever was happening between us." She smiled at the girl, letting her know she wasn't mad or anything, "I was surprised with how tonight was going; but I made sure to always give you enough space to back out. Actually, I think I'm glad you did, because no matter how much I don't regret anything, it would have hurt waking up tomorrow, knowing you could never feel the same about me, as you did her."

Alex's eyes widened, she didn't know how she had figured her out so accurately, let alone what was happening. After seeing a slight panicked look Roxy smiled and carried on, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I know, even if it was subconsciously, that you were hoping to find solace and a chance for new beginnings with me, and I'm sorry I couldn't help you."

She took another deep breath as she got up and walked towards her door, "Do yourself a favour Kelly; I know she hurt you, but she loved you, so go get her. Fight for her, even if you don't believe; let the love you had for her take over. You couldn't have loved someone that strongly and be this hurt if she didn't love you either. She couldn't have hurt you so bad if she didn't love you. She was just afraid, so go get her Kelly!"

With that Roxy left a shocked Alex sitting on the bed looked at the retreating form of the girl who had basically told her how to handle something she wasn't even supposed to know about.

She slowly got up and gathered her shirt; she threw it over her head and proceeded to exit the room. She went to the living room waiting for Roxy to get out.

* * *

The moment Marissa had heard the lock click she turned to face the door, she was about to give Summer a piece of her mind when she was met with her mother's figure instead, and her mum was... were those tears in her eyes? Marissa looked over her mum's shoulder to see a crying Summer who was throwing her an apologetic look.

She looked back at her mum and could see the one look she didn't want, the look Summer had given her after she had told her about Trey, and that's when her drunken mind clued in, she looked back at Summer furious, "HOW COULD YOU!"

Summer was taken aback by the outburst, but she didn't have a chance to reply as Marissa kept on, "I TRUSTED YOU SUM! AND THEN YOU GO AHEAD AND TELL HER," she looked at her mother disgusted.

"Coop, it's..."

"DON'T 'COOP' ME! You know, I actually thought this was working fine, I held my end didn't I? For the first time I ACTUALLY tried to open up. THIS, THIS is what I get?"

Julie looked at Summer who now had tears in her eyes, "Marissa, she didn't tell me anything..."

Marissa laughed a dry laugh, "YEA! That's why BOTH of you are in fucking tears right? She told you the sky WASN'T blue and you're both in tears realizing that all your lives people have been lying to you?"

Both sober girls looked at her, "OH COME ON! I may be drunk but I'm not an idiot MUM! Fuck! SUM! I can't believe it... you know, there were only TWO people in my life I thought I could trust, one of them YOU chased away," she pointed to her mother accusingly, "the other, well... she used to be in this room."

"COOP!"

"SUM!" Marissa answered back just as aggravated.

"I didn't tell her! She asked but I didn't tell her! I told her I couldn't do that to you!"

"THEN WHY THE FUCK IS SHE CRYING? The she-devil never sheds tears! And she SURE as hell never about me! So if she isn't crying about the fact that you told her that Ryan's brother tried to rape me; then please, enlighten me as to what else it could be!"

The room went silent, Marissa looked between the other two women, Summer was shedding more tears looking at her with a sad and pained expression. When she looked at her mum she saw shock there, almost as if she really didn't know... but her drunken mind ignored that part.

"Whatever, I guess I'm just going to have to find someplace else to stay!" She turned around and started to leave, "have another wonderful chat with your new best friend!"

Both women were shocked there, Julie eventually turned around to face Summer, "what... what she said..." there was a slight sense of hope that she had heard wrong in her voice.

Summer simply shook her head, "I'm sorry..."

Julie slumped against the door and started to cry even more, she couldn't believe what had happened to her daughter, what she had been holding back, she needed to help her get through this, but she knew this wasn't the time to try and reach out, her daughter would simply shut her out even more. She vaguely heard Summer say, "I need to call Cohen, she'll see him," Julie nodded.

Summer found her phone and dialled the number she knew by heart, "hey... Seth?"

* * *

It was only a few minutes until the red head stepped out, still only clad in a bra and sweat pants. "Hey," she spoke lightly to the girl.

Alex nodded, "uh..." she fidgeted while nervously looking at the ground, "I... I don't know how you figured it out... but... um, thank you..." Roxy nodded and Alex kept on; "and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to build something with you, knowing that my heart wasn't in it. It wasn't fair to you."

Roxy put her hands up, "don't worry about it, I understand why you did what you did. I want you to know, I truly don't regret anything. You're a really great girl Alex, you're sweet, caring, blonde but not," she added with a wink, "you're a load of fun with a heart of gold. She's lucky she found you, and I hope for both your sake's you guys find your way back to each other. Finding true love doesn't happen often Alex. Cherish it." She finished off a little more sternly.

Alex wiped the tears, "wh... what about us?" She questioned, she didn't want to risk the chance of losing someone as great as Roxy.

Roxy smiled and went over to Alex to hug her, she whispered in her ear, "I think you'll be a great friend Kelly!" They pulled apart, "I'll miss the making out though!" She winked at her, "But hey! It's a small price to pay when I get to know I helped two lost souls find each other... again."Alex playfully hit her but thanked her none-the-less, "I... I think I'm going to head home."

Roxy nodded, "you want a ride?"

Alex shook her head as she made her way over to the door, with one last glance over her shoulder she threw her new friend a sad smile, "I'm sorry... for everything."

Before anything else could be said, Alex walked out the front door into the night.

Roxy watched on, as the girl she knew she could have easily loved walk out, with a sad smile adorning her features. She walked to the door and locked it, leaning her head against the back of it, letting out a shaky breath as she tried to pull herself together. She had stayed strong during the time Alex was there, but at that moment, all she could do was think she'd have a new name to add to her list of people she loved, that she had had to walk away from.

She shook herself; she didn't want to think about her past. It was too painful; instead, she pushed herself off the door letting the feeling, of knowing she had made a great friend in Alex, and that maybe, someday soon she would find her own true love, overcome her.

With that last thought, she went back to her room; she sat on her bed and let her eyes roam the space. Her eyes fell on a white envelope and she realized she'd forgotten to give this important letter to Alex. She decided she would give it to her the next time she saw her. With that, she let her head hang low as she let her own tears take over.

* * *

Seth was sitting in the living room playing video games with Ryan when he heard his phone go off; he saw it was Summer calling, "hello!" When he heard his ex use his first name, he knew something was up, "Sums... is... are you okay?"

"_No... there... Seth I need your help."_

"Of course, anything, what can I do?"

"_Is Ryan there?"_

"Yea..."

"_Okay, I need you to go somewhere else and you can't let him know anything about this... please."_

"Hey bro, I'm just going to go take this in my room," he saw Ryan nod and made his way up the stairs. "Okay, I'm alone now; can you tell me what's going on?"

"_... Marissa. She, she walked in when Julie and I were talking... she threw a fit Seth, and she left, and I don't know where t... and I can't go after her... she won't talk to me."_

"It's okay Sums, I'll go, I think I know where she might be, I'll call you later okay?"

"_Please... make sure she's alright okay?"_

"I will for you."

"_Thanks... and Seth?"_

"Yea?"

"_I love you."_

"I love you too Sums." He told her, he didn't like that they weren't together anymore, but he did like the fact the he and Summer were getting closer throughout this whole thing.

After he hung up he headed back downstairs.

"Everything okay?" He heard Ryan call out to him.

"Yea... just um, she needs me to get something for her, and I don't want her going rage blackout on my ass so, I'm going to go do that now, I'll see you later."

"Alright."

And with that Seth walked out the front door.

* * *

She had been walking for a good ten minutes already, Roxy's place wasn't too far from her parents, but it was still a good forty-five minute walk. She didn't mind though, she felt appreciative for the cool early morning air that was breezing by. Having lived, for the better part of her life in L.A. she had no problem getting around, especially as she used the short cuts she'd found as a teen wandering the streets trying to avoid the screams back home.

Her thoughts, even though she didn't want them to be, kept on coming back and haunting her, everything that had gone on tonight was finally catching up to her. She had let herself get lost in the taste of the alcohol; she had almost gone ahead and slept with someone when her heart wasn't in it. Alex had always, even through the bad ass attitude, prided herself in knowing she didn't sleep with people randomly. She'd never believed in the action if your heart wasn't in it.

She always believed someone would get hurt. Sure there were times when she had wanted to, both parties knowing nothing would come out of it, but ultimately she felt one of them would still get hurt. Either the other person would misread her intentions, and then she would have to tell them it was nothing but physical, or she would hurt herself, knowing she had opened herself up like that with someone who may or may not even remember her name the next morning.

She knew Roxy wouldn't have done either, but even though it hadn't been voiced until a few minutes ago, she knew Roxy had had a thing for her. Something she knew, she could never reciprocate; she liked the girl, she was great and wonderful, but she also knew her heart belonged to another, it wouldn't have been fair.

These thoughts only served to confuse her even more; as always, her thoughts were plagued with Marissa, but now, she also had what Roxy had said ringing through her mind. And to top it all, she had to deal with the fact that she had almost hurt Roxy.

"URGH!" she grunted out in the middle of the street. Her brain was hurting and she just wanted things to be normal again. She looked up and realized she was home; she went over to the door and unlocked it. As she stepped through, she closed the door and let her head rest against the other side.

The night's events slowly came to a standstill in her mind, resting on two points. She could hear the red head's voice, "I soon figured out I'd always be fighting for a lost cause," and "fight for her."

At that moment, she lost it once again, but this time it was more focussed, she now cried thinking about her last day in Newport, she was there again. Tears filled her eyes as she turned her back to the door allowing her body to slump down. Her fists, one slamming into the ground, as the other pounded the wooden door behind her. She felt extra pain in her hand, realizing she had a death grip around her keys.

In a cry of anger, she raised her arm and flung her keys, she watched them as they hit the wall. She brought her knees up and rested her head there, she wrapped her arms tightly around herself and she soon began to cry, all of the events of the last few months finally catching up to her.

* * *

After hanging up with Seth, Summer turned around to face Julie, she saw the woman still sitting on the floor crying, she walked over to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Julie looked up and was met with an expression she was sure she was wearing as well, she saw Summer sit by her and both women were crying again, they were crying for the one person they had in common and because neither knew how this was going to end.

* * *

Dave and Elizabeth were still sleeping when they heard the racket down stairs. Elizabeth was the first to jolt awake when she heard the front door. Once she heard the pounding, she quickly, lightly shoved her husband, "Dave!" She whispered loudly, "Dave! There's someone in the house!"

Dave grumbled and turned so he was now lying on his stomach yet facing his wife, "what?" He mumbled still half-asleep.

"There's..." before she could finish, they both heard the loud thump and cry.

As soon as he heard the sound he knew to be his daughter, he bolted up and jumped out of bed.

"Be careful," his wife whispered.

He rolled his eyes and made his way down the stairs trying to prepare himself for what he'd see.

* * *

Marissa left the Roberts residence furious; she started walking and fifteen minutes later, she was back where she had spent her day and evening. However, it was now six forty and there was barely anyone left on the beach. The few teens that were there were all off on one side where she could see a bonfire burning, the thought alone made her heart ache. She made her way to the one spot where she felt safe and sat down.

She felt much more sober, even after consuming such a large quantity of vodka, it seemed the walking and the fight really had sobered her up and she cursed herself for not having her spare flask with her. She sat there, thinking about everything that had happened at Summer's house, she knew a part of her had been overly-dramatic, but the thought of Summer telling her mum what had happened had hurt her. Never once did she consider the idea that her mum may have been the one to reach out for Summer.

She knew she would have to apologize for the awful things she'd said to Summer but right now, right now she just wanted to be alone and think. A few moments passed and she started hearing footsteps behind her, she tensed up but as the person sat down next to her she calmed down, she knew this person, she didn't fear this person. She was okay.

However, that feeling only lasted only a few minutes, the second she felt him drape his coat over her bare shoulders she tensed again and looked at him with anger evident in her eyes, "did Summer send you here?"

* * *

As he arrived at the bottom, he saw his daughter, slumped against the door. He knew what this was about, but he didn't know how he could help her. He walked over and kneeled next to his only child. He tried to get her attention, but knew it was useless, so he did the one thing he could think of.

He scooted closer and scooped her up like he used to do when she was younger. Alex felt the arms around her, she would have stiffened had she not recognized immediately the smell of her dad and the comforting wave of reassurance he was exuding.

Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder. Dave sighed as he felt the tears. In all the years he'd been a father, he'd seen his little girl only cry a handful of times. In the past months, he'd seen her shed tears over a dozen times.

As he lay his daughter on her bed, he knew what this called for. He kissed her on the forehead telling her not to worry and that things would be okay. He let go and walked out of her room and back to his own. When he reached his own bedroom door he opened it and walked in, his wife was now sitting on the bed looking at him expectantly, "so... what was all the noise about?" She asked him.

He sighed and then sat himself down next to his wife, "that, that was our daughter," he saw the look and kept on, "before you go crazy, hear me out. I know that you have accepted her back into our home, and I know you said you were going to try and be okay with everything; and honey, I know you meant it, but right now, our daughter is hurting. I have done my best to comfort her but this is one of those times where our daughter needs her mum, not her mother, her mum. You know she won't admit it, but I will do it for her. You need to get over whatever issues with this you have left, put aside the fact that you think this is 'unnatural' and go be the mum I know you to be; because this is our daughter, and she loves you, but she's afraid you're going to reject her again. So you need to get over yourself because this is who she is and we are supposed to love her no matter."

She looked at him, she was shocked, "Elizabeth, honey, I know it's hard for you to accept. But she is our daughter, and we've lost her once, I don't want to lose her again, all that matters is that she is happy, and if that happiness comes in the form of a girl, then so be it. We are here to support her; that was our duty towards her as her parents."

Finally the older Kelly woman nodded and climbed out of bed. She grabbed her robe on her way out, turned around as her hand rested on the doorknob and she looked over at her husband, "thank you." He smiled and then motioned for her to get moving.

* * *

Seth looked at her, he had never seen her with that look, he had to admit he was a little afraid of it, he couldn't figure out what had happened at Summer's but he knew he'd have to tread these waters carefully, the last thing he wanted was for her to run away from him as well. "Somewhat," he answered.

She looked at him, "yea well... you can tell her I'm fine and be on your way."

Seth looked back out to the ocean, "nah, I think I want to stay right here with you."

Marissa sighed, "Seth, I'm fine, I don't want to talk you can go."

"Oh, that's cool, I like the whole not talking thing," he saw Marissa give him a funny look, but didn't bother facing her.

They stayed silent for a few moments until Seth regained his Cohen-ness. "She didn't tell me anything, just said you'd walked in on her and your mum talking... she didn't know where you'd go, I told her I had an idea and I'd check up on you. She seemed really hurt... what happened back there? I mean, I know you probably aren't going to tell me because well... let's face it, we've lived next door to each other most of our lives, I dated your best friend, and you're dating mine, but you and I, I mean we've never been tight you know? But..."

"What happened to not talking?"

"Um... well... uh... I figure if we're to spend the night here together, I thought I'd try?" He looked over and gave her a hopeful look.

"Uh huh..."

"Okay fine... not talking back in action," with that he looked back out to sea.

Marissa was thinking over everything Seth had said and after a few moments something clicked, she looked back at him, "Seth?"

He smirked, "I thought we weren't talking?" He quirked an eyebrow at her.

She didn't want to but a slight smile appeared, "yea well... we can all change our minds."

He turned his head to meet her gaze, "yes?"

She looked down and then back up, "um... you said Summer said she didn't know where I'd go?" He looked at her funny and nodded. "How... how'd you know I would be here?" She asked him, and he could detect there was a hint of sadness and curiosity in her voice.

He'd have to be careful here, he knew one word out of line would crush this. "Um... well... don't, don't get upset okay?"

She gave him a hesitant look but nodded, "well... Summer told me a little while back that you were still upset over Alex..." he waited to see if he'd get a reaction, the only thing he saw was the slight discomfort he could detect, but as quickly as it appeared, it left Marissa, so he kept on; "and well... you know I dated her too?"

She smiled a small smile, "so, when she said you'd walked in and all and she didn't know where you'd go, well... I thought maybe you'd walked in on them talking about that or just I don't know, but I figured if there was something that was bothering you Alex related, you'd come to the beach." He took a breath, "I know it was one of her favourite spots in Newport, and I know that maybe I didn't come out here often with her, but I know you two did... or at least that's what I gathered, so I came here first. And voila! I found you!"

He watched her to see how she'd react.

Marissa on the other hand was processing everything he'd told her, she wasn't mad at Summer for telling Seth about Alex, he didn't seem to know much about the whole situation so she just assumed it had come up in a conversation. And his explanation did make sense, he had after all, however shortly, dated Alex, so he would know of the blonde's affinity with the beach. She could tell he was watching her, and maybe the next words came out of her mouth because of the alcohol that was still in her system, but a part of her knew she could tell Seth.

"This right here," she pointed to where they were sitting, "is where we shared our first kiss..."

That sure wasn't what Seth was expecting, but he didn't say anything, he knew that if Marissa was angry at Summer, she would normally shut down, if she was going to start talking to him, he wasn't going to ruin it. He may have been self-centered, but he also knew that when Marissa shut down, it was never a good thing.

Before he could say anything, Marissa continued, "it was Valentine's day... I'd had an awful diner with my mum, and I knew I'd be able to go find her, so I went to the Bait Shop, she was alone and, that's when I told her how I felt... and then she took my hand and we came here... the tide turned, at that moment, so did my world."

He looked over at her and saw a lone tear escape her eye, he scooted closer and put his arm around her. And she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I miss her Seth... so much, I can't believe I let her go... you know; I really fell hard for her..."

Seth took a deep breath when he heard those words, he simply tightened his embrace. They stayed quiet for a few moments, Seth was the one to break the silence again, "Marissa, she did love you..." he felt her turn her head slightly, "she came to me, the night before the bonfire... she was worried about Ryan, about fighting for a heart that wasn't her's... that's when she told me she had fallen hard for you... the rest well, we know what happened, I don't think I ever told you how sorry I am about having let the whole tent thing slip."

Marissa couldn't answer, she had forgiven Seth long before he had apologized for the tent thing, it wasn't his fault, she was the one who should have told her... she had stopped hearing anything after he told her she had told him she had fallen for her... _"she loved me..."_ there was just something about hearing it from someone who'd actually heard the blonde say she'd fallen for her, it wasn't the same as Summer telling her anyone could tell, this was concrete proof that she really had let something real go... and that's what hurt the most.

Seth didn't know what to do, but when he felt the warm tears through his shirt, he rubbed his hand up and down Marissa's back. They stayed there for a little longer, when he felt she had slowed a bit, he lowered his voice, "hey, how about I take you home with me? I know you and Sums fought, I'm sure you don't want to go home, so come on, I'll take you to my place for the night..."

She lifted her head off of his shoulder, "I... Seth I'm sorry but I don't want to see Ryan..."

He looked at her and gave her a small smile, "he'll probably be in the pool house, I'll take you to the guest room okay?" He felt her nod and helped her up and to the car.

They quietly drove back to the Cohen's and when they got there, Seth helped her out and led her to the upstairs guest room, he ran off to his room and got her a change of clothes, she changed in the bathroom and he helped her get in bed, she thanked him for everything and he just smiled at her, "don't worry about it, to be honest I'm kind of scared of what Summer would have done to me!" He winked at her, letting her know he was only trying to brighten the mood.

He hit the lights and moved to his room where he called Summer to let her know Marissa was fine and that she would spend the night there. He could hear the relief coming off of Summer and told her to get some rest, they'd need it for the next day, they needed to get operation Chrismukkah on the move. He wished her good night and went off to bed himself.

* * *

Alex was laying on her side on her bed, where her dad had left her; she was still crying, and that's when she heard the knock on the door. She looked up in time to see her mother walk in, "mum?" She asked confused as to why she was the one in the room. She was expecting her dad to come back, not her mother.

"I'm here sweet cheeks, tell me what's got you so sad," she spoke to her only daughter as if the eighteen year old was two as she made her way over to the bed.

"I know you don't want to hear about this stuff mum, I'm not going to push my luck with you, it's okay, you've already done enough by letting me back in." As much as the two women had stayed on civil terms ever since Alex had moved back, the younger blonde was all too aware that her mother, even though she tolerated it, still didn't accept her orientation. She hated that she couldn't talk to her mother, but she was glad to at least be back in her parent's life; and she did have her dad to talk to, but it wasn't the same. There were just some situations where a girl felt more comfortable talking to her mum, no matter how close she was to her dad.

"No," Elizabeth stated firmly, "I might not be entirely comfortable, but I am tired of this. It's taken me too damn long already and it took your father, your FATHER of all people to set me straight," both women shared a small laugh both knowing how harmless yet insightful the man could be. "I never really believed a woman could love another woman the way she 'should' a man," she added the air quotes; "but you clearly have proven me wrong sweet cheeks. You are as devastated now as I was with my first love, so enough with this non-sense! I'm getting over this now and we are talking, because you need me, and I'm tired of running out, or running you out of my life, because I need you too."

The two shared a look, the younger trying to convey how much it meant that her mother had spoken those words to her, the older trying to tell her it was okay to talk and more importantly, that she really was sorry for what had happened.

"So! I know it's not about the girl you are currently seeing and yes, I know about you seeing someone. Don't give me that look; and before you shoot me another look yes, it was your father. Don't act so surprised, he knew you were afraid of telling me but he knew you would still want me to know, so he told me. Okay, now, I know it's not about her, so tell me what happened with the one who made you step on your Kelly born and raised pride and face your parents."

Alex was stunned; she didn't know how to react her mother was being... she was being her mum. She hadn't seen this side of the woman in years; she couldn't help but hug her in that moment. After the two broke apart, the older Kelly woman spoke up again.

"I've wasted too much time already, tell me! What is bothering you? You didn't come back after things ended with Jodie, instead, you moved farther away. That only means that this girl, the girl who's got you like this, she was real. Now, I'm not saying Jodie wasn't real, but she didn't leave you like this, so... I want you to talk to me. I am after all your mum, and it's taken me far too long, but I want to know what happened to my sweet cheeks!"

Both women smiled, "and don't spare me, I want to know everything!"

Alex looked at her mum, she threw her a crooked smirk, "... everything?" She asked the woman.

A slight glimmer of panic could be seen in her mum's eyes, "well...may...maybe not... not EVERYTHING, everything," she stuttered. "Not just yet okay?" She added to let her daughter feel more at ease and also, to let her know that there would be a time when it would be okay.

Alex smiled reassuringly at her mother to let her know she understood, "no worries, I'll keep the REAL good stuff for when you're ready." She smirked at her mum and then set off into her tale. She couldn't help but let the smart ass in her come out; she hadn't had the chance to be herself around her mum in years, it felt good to be back in it the way she used to be.

She told her about how they first met, about how she had saved her from Jodie, and how the two had begun to hang out. She told her about how she had stolen, literally and figuratively, Alex's heart, she talked about how fun and great things were, eventually, she told her mother about the beginning of their downfall, their confrontations, and ultimately, she talked about the bonfire and the boy who stole her away.

When she was done she had shed quite a few more tears, but her mum had been quick to hug her daughter closer to her and wipe those tears away. The older woman took in a deep breath; it was after all a lot to process.

Alex began to fear she had said to much, she was about to start apologizing when her mum broke the silence. "My God!" She hugged her daughter tightly once again, "I am SO sorry sweet cheeks! I am so sorry I ever thought your feelings for girls to be a phase. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you after what happened in Newport... Sweet cheeks, you felt more for her then I ever did with my first love." She hugged her daughter once again.

"Mum?" Alex questioned.

"I'm just saying, I've seen how you've been since you've come back, don't get me wrong I was crest fallen when I lost Mike... but soon enough I was able to get back on my feet, and he and I had been together for well over a year. You're telling me you were with her for only a little over two months and you are more torn up then I ever was."

Alex wasn't sure what her mum was trying to get at. "All I'm saying is you must have had the real thing, and from what you've told me, even if you believe something different, I think she did love you too... just as much, she was just afraid of reality. Real life can be scary, especially when it's something that isn't looked upon as 'normal' in a society like Newport."

Alex grunted and flopped back down on her bed, "why does everyone keep telling me that today?"

It was her mother's turn to look confused, "what?"

Alex sighed, "I mean... Roxy told me the same thing like two hours ago."

Elizabeth looked at her daughter, "Roxy?"

"Right... um, the girl I was sort of seeing but not really?"

The older woman nodded and signalled for her to keep on.

"I went out tonight with her. We went to a show, and then both of us had too much to drink, so... we took a cab to her place, watched a movie while we drank some more; that resulted in a heated make out session and mid way through ripping each other's clothes off... I freaked and would have run, but she stopped me..."

She took a breath, "I don't know how she knew... we never spoke of her or what happened in Newport, but somehow she knew and she called me out on it, but in a good way and she told me I should still fight for her."

"Maybe she's right, I mean as of right now, you can't even move on because it's still plaguing your mind. Even a girl you've only known for a few weeks could tell you were still hung up on her." Elizabeth took her daughter's hand in her own and took a deep breath, "maybe you ought to call her. See how she is, maybe you'll get the closure you need, or maybe... maybe you'll be lucky; and things will be better than you could imagine."

Alex scoffed, "Yea, and pigs will fly!"

The older woman looked at her daughter, "hey, you know, the Alex that left here used to believe in love, in fact, she denied her faith, the faith I'd raised her with, telling me she'd rather have faith that one day she'd find a feeling so strong, that nothing could tear it down. That that feeling would be love, and that, that love would become her God. Because she didn't want to believe that something that was supposed to represent hope could be so closed minded as to deny where love would sprout. That the love she'd find would never discriminate."

She took a deep breath, "my daughter's parting words to me will forever be etched into my mind, she told me; 'may you find your peace with God on your quest to absolution, for I shall find peace within myself on my quest to find love. And with those words, that strong willed daughter of mine left the house." Elizabeth looked at her daughter, "you were so strong back then Alex, I couldn't have been more proud of you. As much as I didn't approve and you defied everything I believed in, your beliefs were so strong, they led you to find your way. And now, here you are, I see you, I see the strength you held then still shining brightly; but I can also see your that your quest has weakened your soul. But you know what?"

Alex shook her head with tears brimming in her eyes, "don't lose your faith now. You never know what tomorrow may bring, for I know when you walked out, I started to lose my faith, but when you came back, I felt my prayers had been answered. As much as I was horrible to you and we shared so many differences, I was so afraid I'd lose you. And every night, I prayed he'd bring you back. I started to lose faith, this was the one thing I'd always believed in and it had wedged a gap between us. But you came back, and with that, so did my faith."

She took another shaky breath, she now also had tears in her eyes, "you know what that made me realize Alexis?"

Alex shook her head again, and even though she had been paying attention, hearing her mother use her full name made her sit up straight, the way she used to as a kid.

Elizabeth smiled when she saw this, "I realized that no matter how much our faith has hurt us, no matter how much you think it's left you, it never really does. It tests us, so don't lose faith Alex, don't lose the one thing that's made you into the strong woman you are today.

Elizabeth leaned down and hugged her daughter, "I'm sorry I ever hurt you, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. But I love you, more then you know sweet cheeks. You're going to be okay." And with that, she kissed the top of her head and made for the door, she knew Alex had to think things over.

As she turned the knob, she heard Alex's strangled voice, "mum?"

The older Kelly turned around, "I'm sorry too, and..." she took a deep breath, "I forgive you... you know." She could see the tears building in her mum's eyes, "I understand why you did what you did... I'm just happy were okay again."

Her mother smiled at her and mouthed a silent thank you. She hadn't realized how much she had longed to hear her daughter utter those words. "Get some rest; I have a feeling the next few days are going to be insane!"

Alex nodded and turned back around; her mother threw her daughter one last look as she closed the door.

* * *

She made her way into the kitchen where she found her husband.

When he heard his wife he looked up. "So..."

She looked up and met his gaze, she saw him move closer once he saw the tears that were now freely flowing from her own eyes. "Sweet heart, what's wrong?"

"Sh... she forga... ve me," she managed between sobs.

Dave was glad to hear his family was finally getting back together he was about to pull his wife in for a hug when she pushed him away slightly. He looked at her confusion apparent upon his features.

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm sorry I made you kick her out, I'm sorry I ever let anything come in between our family. I was afraid and I let what my parents had taught me come in between our relationship with our only daughter. I'm sorry for the pain I know I caused you too, throughout these past few years."

Dave looked at his wife, when he'd sent her into his daughter's room, he thought the least that would happen, was that they would both be a little more open with each other, he hadn't expected a full blown reconciliation.

He pulled his wife in a tight embrace as her tears kept falling onto his shirt, "shh... it's okay honey, everything's going to be okay now. I am so proud of you, I love you." He heard a faint mumble against his chest. He hadn't heard, but he had a feeling he knew what she had said, he leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "for what it's worth, I forgave you long ago. I'm just happy we're okay again."

As she heard her husband utter the same words her daughter had, she cried a little more, but this time, there was an underlying feeling of happiness, she chuckled lightly, "she really is your daughter you know?"

Dave looked at his wife confused but she just waved it off as she slowly removed herself from his comforting frame. She turned around once more as she set to her task of making breakfast. Once their gaze met, she mouthed a silent thank you to him as well; both for his forgiveness and for making her face her demons. And with the smile he flashed her, she knew he understood.

* * *

The following morning arrived much too early for Marissa, she woke up with a pounding, head splitting head ache. She was momentarily lost not knowing where she was but when she turned over she saw a picture frame with the Cohen's Christmas family picture, from the first winter Ryan had lived with them.

She slowly made her way out of the bed and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She saw a ghost of the girl she used to be; her hair was dishevelled and it looked as dry as it felt. You could tell she'd lost weight, her cheekbones even more pronounced then they already were. Her eyes were swollen from her crying fit last night, they were also red and puffy; the over-sized shirt she was wearing was doing nothing but hiding her thinned, already thin frame.

What she hated most however, was the lost look she could see in her own eyes; it was in that moment, that she finally realized what she had become. Her frail frame, the look in her eyes, everything, she realized in that moment that she had done nothing but self-destruct. Of course she knew that's what she had been doing from the start, but it had finally sunk in.

In her now sober state, the events from the previous day hit her hard, how she had yelled at her mother and her best friend. Deep down, she knew that both had wanted nothing but to help each other to find a way to help her. She knew today would be a long and excruciating day. Seeing herself there, in the Cohen's guest room because she had run away from everything that had a semblance of security, she knew she had to change. She had to become a better person; she had to be the person Alex had shown her she could be.

"_If I do this, then, maybe I can try and find Alex, talk to her... this has gone on long enough, I need to make things right..."_

She went into the bathroom and washed up, she put on her clothes from the previous night and made her way down in the kitchen, she had wanted to stop by Seth's room to thank the boy for his support yesterday, but she saw his door open and figured he would be downstairs.

She made her way into the kitchen where the Cohen clan were happily eating breakfast. Kirsten was the first to notice her, when she saw her adopted son's girlfriend standing there looking like a ghost she couldn't help the pained look that crossed her eyes. Marissa saw this, but only gave a small smile.

"Hi sweetie, did you sleep okay?" The blonde woman asked her.

Marissa simply nodded but immediately regretted doing so for her headache reminded her of its presence. Kirsten saw this and reached into the cabinet to get her two Tylenols. Seth had told his parents what had happened the night before, he also had asked them not to tell Ryan. Kirsten gave them to the girl and she thanked her.

"Marissa hey, you feeling better?"

She smiled at Seth, "yea, I wanted to thank you for last night... I don't think I ever did eh?"

"It's all good! Heroes don't do their job for the fame!"

All four laughed, "did you let your mum know where you were?" Sandy asked the taller girl when the small round of laughter subsided.

"No, but I'm going to go over there soon... I think I need to talk to Ryan before though."

The three Cohen's shared a look then looked back at her. She saw the look they were giving her and only smiled, "I need to make amends today."

Seth looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile, he knew what the girl meant, his parents just shared another look but told her he was still in the pool house. She thanked them and went through the door.

After the door closed Kirsten looked at her son, "what does she mean?"

"Honestly? I'm not sure, but I think she's going to break up with him."

Sandy looked at his son, "and you, Seth Cohen are not about to intervene?"

Seth looked at both his parents, "oh trust me, I already am!" And with that he got up and went into his room.

* * *

When Alex woke up, she noticed her room was much darker than it had been when her mum was there. Rolling away from the wall, she looked at the clock. "Six fifteen... shit," she whispered softly as she realized she'd slept through the day. _"Thank God I don't work tonight,"_ she thought to herself. She got up and made her way to the door.

She could smell the faint delicate odours of her mother's chicken pot pie. She realized after all this time; her mother still knew how to make her feel better. She could hear her parents downstairs, talking and laughing; she smiled to herself. It was like when she was younger, before she started getting into trouble. Her folks weren't down there yelling and arguing like they used to, especially after she had come out.

She shook herself out of it, and took a step back towards her bed. She sat down and started to think over what everyone had told her. She decided that maybe they were all right, maybe she should call her, like her mother had said, maybe she could even get the closure she needed... _"Maybe something more will come out of it..."_ she sighed as she picked up her phone. She thought it through once again, and then thought about what to say... she sighed one last time as she flipped her phone open.

As she was about to start dialling that all too familiar number when her phone rang, it rang that all too familiar song she had learned to associate with only one person. "Hello?" She answered trying to contain her smile from breaking through.

* * *

A couple of hours later, the floor was officially littered with empty beer bottles, they were halfway through their third movie and three quarters of the way through the case of beer. Alex had stopped drinking as many though, about halfway through the second movie, her mind wasn't where she wanted it to be. She found the boys bottle of vodka, of course, they weren't happy to see their girl hurt like that, hurt so bad she felt she had to wash it away with crystal clear liquid, but both knew that with time she'd talk. And if not time wasn't enough.. then alcohol would do it. Especially at the rate she was going at it.

The credits started to roll and Dylan got up to put in a new movie in. That's when he heard Alex start to mumble, Joe had gone out for a smoke, so he turned around, he was all ears for his friend.

"You.. yknow," she had a hard time forming a decent sentence without slurring at this point, "whaJoe said bfore...it...it twas a lie."

Dylan made his way back to her, "what did Joe say that was a lie?" He kept calm, it was the best thing to do. Losing his cool meant things would get out of hand, she'd shut down even more, and that would ultimately hurt more.

Joe had come back in only pick up the last part of Dylan's sentence. When he walked in, he saw Alex was starting to talk, so he took a seat as well, "I lied?" He asked her.


	8. Chapter Five: Everytime I Look For You 4

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

She walked to the door and knocked lightly, when she heard no response she slowly opened the door careful not to let too much light enter. Once inside, she saw that the boy who had saved her, long ago was still lying in bed. She went over to his side of the bed and sat down next to him.

Ryan felt the weight shift and slowly started to wake up; when he saw Marissa there a smile broke through his sleep dazed face. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hey... I'm sorry I woke you."

He shook his head and slowly sat up. "Everything okay?" He asked once he got a better look at her.

"It will be..." he just looked at her waiting for her to continue. She took a deep breath. "Ryan I'm sorry, I'm sorry I woke you up and am doing this now, but I'm afraid if I don't talk to you now I'm just going to lose my nerve."

He looked her confused, "okay..."

"Look um... I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I mean, you were nothing but kind and I treated you like a jerk, and then well... after, I just took off... no explanation... um... okay, look, Ryan you're a REALLY great guy, you honestly are, one of the best guy's I've met... but I've been treating you like dirt lately... and you deserve better..."

"Marissa, look its okay..."

"No, no Ryan it's not!" She got up off the bed, "it's not okay because we've been through this before! You and I both know that when I start being like this one of us will get hurt by the other... so look... I just, you mean a lot to my Ryan, you really do, but I can't keep this up... you and I, we've always been better off as friends... I'm sorry Ryan, but... we're... we're done... I can't keep dragging you out like this. Eventually you'll just resent me and I don't think I could handle losing you entirely. I know it'll probably be too soon, but, I'd like for us to be able to stay nothing more than friends."

She had been looking at the floor the entire time, she took a moment to compose herself and then looked up; she was surprised by the fact that he didn't seem angry. "Um... look, I, I know we've had rough few months, and honestly, I don't blame you." She looked at him confused, "I haven't been the greatest either, I mean, I can tell there's something bothering you, but I haven't been able to get you to talk to me... I think deep down, I know what it is, I just don't want to admit it to myself..."

She looked at him, clearly confused by the turn of the situation, "I mean... we got back together after Alex left... and I know she's a sore subject for you... I mean, you and I we never talked about it, and I think there's a part of me that knows that I never had your heart after she left," he paused, "I never had it, because she took it with her... and I think you and I both know that, we're just too stubborn to admit it..." He took another deep breath, "I agree, we always were better off as friends, I'm sorry I let this drag out this much... I think I was just hoping there was a chance, but yesterday... yesterday proved otherwise."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry Ry..."

He smiled at her, "don't be, I'm sorry too."

"You have nothing to be sorry for... I'm the one who couldn't give you my heart,"

"Maybe... but I'm the one who didn't help when you found the girl who stole it."

They shared an awkward silence, but it was quickly broken as Ryan got up and went over to her and hugged her. He whispered in her ear, "do what you have to do, she loved you, she really did, I don't think she'd let you go if you went after her."

She pulled back, "when did you get all philosophical?"

He pulled back as well and pretended to ponder, "I don't know... I think about three days ago."

The two shared a small laugh after they tried to keep their serious faces on.

"I have to go... um, lot's of amending to do today."

He smiled at her, "good luck."

She nodded and headed back out.

* * *

As soon as he had gone to his room he grabbed his phone, he knew he only had about twenty minutes tops before Marissa would come looking for him to drive her to Summer's. He had to make this quick; both he and Summer had decided it would be good to call Alex, as much as he'd heard from Mandy and her boss that she wasn't doing as well as she pretended she was, they knew they had to verify for themselves, plus it would give them the opportunity to test the waters for themselves.

He went over and sat on his bed, flipping his phone open in the process. He then found the contact he was looking for and soon hit send.

He let it ring.

"_Hello?"_ He hadn't her voice in a while but it made him smile to hear it again.

"I told you you're supposed to answer by singing along to the voice of Death Cab Alex. Death Cab." He dragged out the name.

Alex laughed, _"you still haven't grown up eh Seth?"_

"Nope!" He grinned to himself, "I'm still, eight..."

"_...and three quarters."_

"Heyyy she remembers!" He exclaimed.

"_Of course I do!" She laughed, "I think you're the only person I know who went for ice cream as a night cap."_

"Don't mock, you liked it."

"_I did not."_

"Ohh Alex you SO did, you enjoyed every second of it!"

"_Keep dreaming Seth."_

"Oh, I will, my dreams are ve..."

"_SETH!" She yelled._

"Fine, fine, fine," he stopped as he took a deep breath, "so, how've you been Alex? So, you seeing anyone? Multiple people, perhaps? Female? Life-partner?"

"_Seth," _Alex couldn't believe they were back there.

"What? It's a legitimate question."

Alex laughed; she hadn't realized how much she'd missed the boy, _"how've you been?"_

"Eh, I've been alright, how about you?"

"_Just alright? You and Summer still not back together?"_

"Nope, not yet, but I'm working on it. You know, I've got plans and everything!"

"_Oh boy... don't tell me you need money again?"_

"Actually," he started, "I am calling you about money."

"_Seth," _she drawled out, _"I'm not in Newport, I can't help you anymore!"_

"No! I mean, I'm calling about money, but only to tell you how I have that money you loaned me."

Alex thought back to the day Seth walked in on her and Marissa. Before she could let her mind wallow back into what used to be, she answer, _"that was like... forever ago! What the hell! How are you going to get that back to me?"_

"Well, you could come to Newport!"

"_Seth..." _she rubbed her forehead, _"you... you know I can't."_

"I know... I just, I miss you Alex. You were like... my only other friend here!"

"_Aw aren't you just too cute!" _She mocked him, _"are all the other kids still stealing your ice cream?"_

"Hey! What's with the mocking!" He tried defending himself.

"_You're a big boy Seth. Besides, I've told you before, you aren't so bad... when you don't talk. I'm sure you have plenty of other friends!"_

"I don't... but that's not the point, I really feel bad about never paying you back. I could come down to L.A. one day. OHH yes! I'll skip school to come see you!"

"_Seth! Last time you tried to be a bad boy... you stole your grandpa's car. And your dad came to see me. So... I'm vetoing that out." _She told him.

Seth sighed, "fine... then at least give me your address, I can either mail it to you, or come see you on a weekend."

Alex sighed, giving that kind of info to Seth could be harmless, but it could also fall into wrong hands, she didn't want to risk seeing anyone from Newport, but at that moment she realized she'd be really happy to see Seth again, he'd been a good friend, _"when he wasn't meddling in my relationship..."_ she thought to herself. She let out another breath, _"how about this, when you can come down, call me up, we'll meet."_

Seth's shoulders slumped he hadn't gotten exactly what he was aiming for; Alex wasn't telling him where she was. He could hear, though it was barely there, the fear she had in her voice. He realized at that moment how stupid he had been and how much he had hurt his friend, "I'd like that."

"_Perfect, oh hey! I'm sorry but I got to go. But it was nice to talk to you again, let me know when you can come down."_

"Will do, oh Alex?"

"_Yea?"_

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I owe you an apology... I meddled in things I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry I hurt you in the process."

Alex sighed, _"don't worry about Seth. It's in the past. Take care, good luck with Summer."_

Before he could say anything else, she had hung up. He sat there defeated. He decided to make his way downstairs and wait for Marissa there.

* * *

Once she was inside the main house she looked for Seth, he came bounding down the stairs just as she was about to go up, "hey, um Seth... think you could give me a ride to Summer's?"

He smiled at her, "I told her we were on our way."

She smiled at him and they left the Cohen's house, just as Ryan entered. Sandy looked at him and Kirsten followed suit.

"You ok son?"

"Yea..."

"What happened?"

He looked at Kirsten with a small smile, "we broke up."

"And you're smiling?" she asked him.

He nodded, "we weren't meant for each other."

Sandy gave him a puzzled look but he quickly shook his head, clearly his children weren't giving them all the facts.

* * *

They finally arrived at Summer's house; Seth told her he'd wait in the car and to come get him when they were done. She smiled and hugged him before heading into the house. She let herself in and made her way up the stairs to her best friend's bed room. She knocked lightly on the door and waited for Summer to answer.

When the door opened, Marissa felt her heart sink, she could see the lack of sleep that lay under her friends eyes and she knew it was her fault. She had to make this right.

"Hey..."

"Hey, you okay?"

She nodded, "can I come in?"

"Are you going to bite my head off?" The shorter girl replied.

"I'm sorry," she looked at the ground only to hear the door slightly open. She looked up and met an understanding pair of eyes; she smiled weakly as she walked into her friend's room.

"Yea, yea, yea," Summer said with a smile, "so... Seth found you last night? You spent the night at his place?"

She nodded, "look um... Sum, I wanted to say I'm really sorry about last night, I acted like the biggest jerk and I was beyond drunk and I didn't even bother considering anything other than you telling my mum."

Summer nodded and told her to continue, "yesterday... I think after the attempt, yesterday was the hardest day..." Summer's look softened a little, "Ryan wanted to hang out so we spent the day at the beach, which basically meant I was trying to spot her, and then we went to get food and I saw a girl who looked a LOT like her... and then after he brought me over to the pool house, and well... he... he wanted to and then... it was horrible Sum... I kept getting flashes of Trey... and then all of a sudden I started seeing her instead, and then I left. I just... I up and left..."

Summer looked at her friend with a worried look, "what happened after Coop?" She asked her gently.

"I went to our spot on the beach... I had a bottle of vodka with me... I had already drank half of it before my thoughts caught up with me... I started analyzing my relationships and what the hell I'd done... with Luke, with Ryan, with DJ, and then... her... it became too much, I started walking towards your house... I'd drank almost the entire bottle by that point... and then, when I got here... well you and my mum..."

"Marissa, she came to me..."

The taller girl looked at her with a confused look, "wh... what?"

Summer took a deep breath, "she called me like... three days ago or something and said she was worried, she asked me if we could meet the next day round five... she came over and she asked me if I knew what was wrong, I couldn't say much; she guessed the part about Al..." she stopped herself when Marissa flinched, "about her, I told her that yes, she was a big part of why you'd started drinking again... but your mum... she noticed that you were drinking more than ever... she asked if there was anything else, I told her I couldn't say... and then... Coop I swear I have never seen your mum grow so worried so fast. She asked if someone had hurt you, and that's when you came knocking, I told her that you were fine, that nothing had happened, but I was crying Coop, and the Great Julie Cooper-Nichol isn't stupid. Then well, I told her that I couldn't say anything more about it because I didn't want to lose the one connection we had to you, she understood, but before I could hide her or something she opened the door and well... I don't know do you remember the rest? Cause you were freaking out of it..."

Marissa sighed, "yea... I think it was such a shocker I sobered up then and there... I'm sorry Sum... I was AWFUL to you last night, everything I said to you, you know I didn't mean it right?"

Summer nodded, "of course I do Coop, it's just in the moment... it hurt you know?"

"I'm really sorry... and I'm sorry jumped to conclusion... and I guess I kind of ended up telling my mum eh?"

"It's okay, you were beyond drunk and yea... you kind of did..."

"Shit... I need to make sure she..."

"Don't worry about it," Summer cut her off.

"Huh?"

"After you left, I sat with your mum, she was... well... let's just say I never thought I'd see the day Julie Cooper was curled up in a ball weeping in my bedroom..." Marissa gave her a funny look, so she waved her off, "I talked to her, after everything, I sat with her and once we both stopped crying like menopausal women, I told her what had happened, but I told her she couldn't tell anyone. She didn't like that idea but I told her to wait until you came home and talked it out with her."

Marissa took another deep breath, "I really messed up eh Sum?"

"No biggie Coop!" Summer was glad to see that her friend seemed to be coming to her senses, so she wasn't about to give her anymore grief.

The taller brunette smiled at her friend, "I don't know what I'd do without you Sum..."

"Neither do I!"

They both laughed and then Summer kept on, "how did Seth know where to find you?"

"He assumed it had to do with her so he came straight to the beach... you know, surprisingly enough Cohen's NOT that bad of a listener when he needs to be."

Summer feigned shock, "woah! My Cohen LISTENED... man, I've trained him well!" summer exclaimed, partially forting they were still separated.

They laughed again, "you sure have." There was a small silence between the two, then Marissa looked up to meet Summer's gaze, "I broke with him."

Summer looked at her friend, "wh... what?"

"I broke up with him... this morning."

Summer's eyes almost bugged out, "woah... you okay?"

Marissa smiled, and for the first time in a long time, Summer could tell it wasn't a fake smile, "yea, we weren't made for each other." She saw the look Summer was giving her, "I woke up this morning and realized that I was hurting everyone around me... I decided I needed to make amends, and he was the first stop. I've been dragging him down for too long, so, told him we were through and that we were always better off as friends. Surprisingly, he agreed. Said he'd known and that he'd been letting it drag out hoping, even though he knew we were done."

"Wow..."

"I know." Another silence fell between the two, "hey um... Sum, I got to go, I have one more stop but... do you think we could hang out tonight? Just you and me?"

Summer quirked an eyebrow at her friend, "Coop, we've been hanging out just you and me for the past three weeks!"

"No, you have been taking care of me and drinking problem for the past three weeks... I want to hang out with YOU tonight, not you, Jim, Jack and the Russians."

Summer flashed her biggest grin, "OH MY GOD! COOP! I HAVE BEEN DYING TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT FOR SO LONG! Of course! Oh My God! It'll be SOO much fun, we'll get ice cream, and The Valley, and Cosmo and..."

She was cut off by Marissa's hug. She immediately melted into her friends comforting embrace, for once, she felt things would be okay and that's when she heard it, "I'm sorry Sum..." it was laced with such sincerity and pain that she couldn't help the lone tear that ran down her cheek.

"I love you Coop, I'll always be here," she whispered back in her friend's ear.

The pair split and they both had tears in their eyes.

"Okay... so! Um... I'm going to go and get your non-boyfriend to drive me home, and then he'll be all yours again, and you guys can play pretend even though we ALL know how much you both want to get back together." She winked at Summer who sat there stunned, "and I'll come by round seven?" She asked.

"Yea... that sounds perfect."

"Later Sum!"

"Later Coop!"

* * *

After Seth apologized Alex hung up, she appreciated the gesture, but she didn't want to have to think about the reason behind his apologizing. She wanted to blame him, she did, but truth be told, she knew it wasn't his fault, it wasn't Ryan's either, in the end, she didn't even blame Marissa. With time, she'd come to terms with the fact that it was both her's and Marissa's fault. Sure others had put sticks in their wheels, but when it came down to it, they were the ones who weren't strong enough to fight for what they wanted.

With those thoughts in mind, she grabbed her remote and turned on her iPod; she flopped down across her bed as she tossed the remote next to her. She didn't want her thoughts to wander to the town she used to live in, but as always, she couldn't stop it; it was inevitable. She sighed out loud and a light, "fuck," escaped her lips.

She thought about setting to the task of calling her, after all, she had finally gathered the courage to do so before Seth interrupted, but as she lay there she felt drained once again, and she coward away; there she was, Alex Kelly, reduced to a pile of insecurities all because of a Newport Princess.

She grunted in frustration and slammed her fist next to her into the mattress. As she listened to the sounds of Patrick Parks, One Body Breaks, she didn't even hear her mother knock on the door; she only realized it when she saw the door open slightly as her mother peaked in.

"Hey, are you up?" The woman whispered? Alex could only nod from her position on the bed; her mother took it as an invitation. She went over to the side of the bed where Alex's head lay closest, and sat down. She brushed a few loose blonde strands out of her face, "what's wrong sweet cheeks?"

Alex shrugged but offered no reply. Her mother rolled her eyes as she reached over her daughter in order to grab a pillow.

Alex had closed her eyes by hat point and only felt her mother moving about, when all of a sudden she felt her stomach being whacked by something fluffy, she sat upright and looked at her mother.

Elizabeth grinned sheepishly at her daughter, "sorry..."

Alex glared at her but could only hold the straight face for a few more seconds and soon enough she burst into laughter. "What was THAT for?" She asked in mock seriousness, once she collected herself.

Her mother shrugged but offered no reply.

When she got nothing Alex motioned for her mother to carry on her explanation. Her mother rolled her eyes again and decided to indulge her daughter with a reply; "a taste of your own medicine that's what."

"I did not hit you mother!"

"No... maybe not, but you shrugged and acted as if I wasn't around. It was like having to deal with my closed off thirteen year old all over again. I figured best way to not have you slip into old habits was to whack 'em in the ass before they came and bit ME in the ass!"

Alex looked at her mother pointedly, "you do realize you whacked me in the stomach... right?"

"Eh! I'd of had to roll you over... too much effort and it would have ruined the element of surprise."

"You are unbelievable you know that?"

Elizabeth shrugged again, "yea well, guess you take after me then?"

Alex laughed, "I guess I do mum."

The two shared a smile, neither had realized how much they had missed their playful banter, it had been year since they had both felt comfortable enough around each other to indulge in it.

Alex broke the silence first, "I missed you mum..."

"Oh, I missed you too," the older Kelly said as she almost lunged towards her daughter to engulf her in a hug. When they broke apart, she looked at Alex, "so, are you going to tell me what was bothering you? Or is your dad going to have to come in here and tell you to get over yourself and deal with me this time?"

Alex laughed, "dad told you to get over yourself?"

Elizabeth nodded, "in a somewhat more colourful way."

The blonde looked at her mother with her mouth hanging, "he swore?"

The older woman looked confused, "what? No. Of course not! You and your ridiculous ideas."

"Then what do you mean her was more colourful?"

"He had more to say that's all, I swear you kids these days, all you think about is dirty talk."

Alex laughed at her mother, "oh geez! Don't make it sound like you never swear! I know dad doesn't, but I have heard a fair share of words come out of you that could put sailors to shame."

She gasped, "that was one time and you KNOW I cut myself!"

Alex laughed, "whatever you say mum. Whatever you say."

Mrs. Kelly was about to leave when she realized what her daughter was doing, "you," she pointed at Alex, "are not going to get rid of me so easily!" She moved up on the bed and rested her back against the head board using a pillow; she extended her legs and patted her thighs for Alex to rest her head on.

Alex grunted but did so anyways, at least her mum was there for her, "fine..."

Elizabeth smiled, "so, what had you listening to your music while looking like someone had just ran over your cat?"

Alex gave her mother a funny look, "mum... I don't have a cat..."

"Not the point Alexis and you know it."

Alex sighed, "I don't know... I was, I was about to call her when I woke up."

"You were? Oh that's great sweet cheeks! What happened? What did she sa..."

She was getting too excited, "nothing mum. Nothing happened." When she got a funny look Alex carried on, "I mean, I was going to call her and all, but as I was about to dial Seth called me."

"Seth?"

"Yea... didn't I tell you about him?"

Her mother shook her head, "right, I told dad and Josh."

Her mother felt a slight pang of hurt, she realized how alienated her daughter had felt from her at that point, she had spoken to one of her father's friends before she had spoken to her own mother.

"Mum," Alex knew what her mum was thinking, "it's okay, I know I can come to you now, it didn't come up before because it wasn't relevant."

Her mother nodded, so she continued, "alright, well Seth was actually the first friend I made in Newport, well... the first friend aside from people I worked with. He came in looking for tickets and ended up trying to get a job, it's a long and weird story so I'll skip to the part where we dated for a REALLY short time... I don't even know why half the time because I was still messed about Jodie and he was bothered by Summer..."

"The season?"

Alex chuckled, "no his then-girlfriend." Her mother oh-ed and she kept on, "we helped each other though... we helped get each other ready for what was next. It was good while it lasted, but then Jodie showed up in Newport and he wasn't helping so things ended, but he's part of Ma... of her group of friends, so it was inevitable, plus... he kept coming back for his job so we stayed friends. Anyways, he called me asking me how I was and all."

"Did... did either one of you bring her up?"

Alex shook her head, "I... I couldn't and I think he knew that... but he brought up the fact that he was sorry for what he'd done, and I guess that's what I was thinking about when you came in."

"And what is it that he did?"

Alex sighed and sat up, "I went to him one day, when we started becoming more distant... I asked him about his brother Ry... an, to see if I would be fighting a lost cause. And he let something slip, which when I got home that night, led to an argument between the two of us, and ultimately, that was the last wedge that needed to be put in place to really un-stabalize us."

"I'm sorry sweetie," she hugged her daughter.

"It's alright, so was he, but I've accepted that it wasn't anyone's fault but our own, we were both just too afraid to see that what we had right in front of us was real, and rare. I think I've even come to terms with the fact that she wasn't the only one who was scared..."

"Wow, that's a big step there, are you okay with that?" Elizabeth knew how hard it was for her daughter to admit fear, she was proud of her though, she was finally coming to terms with things, at least, that's how it seemed."

"Yea... I think I am, it just hurts now, it hurts to know that we could have been really good, but we let things come in between... after all this talk with everyone, I realize that maybe we just both weren't ready for it..."

She hugged her daughter close again, she had seen the tears start to well up in her eyes, "oh sweet cheeks, you've figured it out now, it's not too late, for all you know, the time apart has led her to realize the same thing."

Alex laughed dryly, "I doubt that mum... I know she was probably afraid, but, I still think she didn't see us the same way I did."

Elizabeth sighed, this was what she was afraid of, she feared that her daughter would finally start to see things from both sides, but then twist it back. She knew why she would do it, if she let herself believe that it didn't mean as much to the other girl as it did her, then it would be easier to pretend to hate her, easier to pretend she didn't still love her, ultimately, her daughter was guarding her heart.

She watched her daughter stand up and turn around to face her, she smiled back weakly, and she could see, her daughter was building up her walls again.

After her mother's last comment, Alex realized she had let her guard down, she was vulnerable again and if there was one thing she learned from Marissa, it was to never let herself be vulnerable... vulnerability led to pain caused by others, pain she didn't need.

Therefore, as she turned to face her mother, she gave her an apologetic look as she set back to building her walls. Too many people knew too much now, she couldn't let it happen again. She saw the look her mother was giving her, it was a sad smile, and she knew why she was receiving it.

Elizabeth was sad to see her daughter's turn around; there had been so much progress over the last few days, and all of a sudden, it was as if things snapped and she reverted back to walled up Alex. She couldn't push, now wasn't the time; instead, she did the one thing she could think of.

She stood up as well and walked over to her daughter, she wrapped her arm around her shoulders, "come on, I've got chicken pot pie for you."

Alex smiled, grateful that her mother at least understood why she had to do this. She nodded and the two made their way downstairs where they were greeted by a smiling Dave.

* * *

They had finally arrived at the Cooper-Nichol residence; she thanked Seth who simply nodded while he wished her luck. She took a deep breath as she exited the car and made her way towards the front door. She took out her keys and unlocked the door. It creaked slightly as she made her way inside.

She started her journey to find her mother, she looked in the living room, then, made her way in the kitchen, and that's where she found her, she was sitting by the counter, her head in her hands. When she finally looked up Marissa let out a small breath, never in her life had she seen her mother in that state.

The Great Julie Cooper had tear stained cheeks, red, swollen, puffy eyes. Marissa had never seen her mother looking like this, it seemed she hadn't gotten a minutes rest the night before, thinking something drastic had happened she rushed to her mother's side, "mum, oh my God... are you okay?"

Julie looked at her daughter and finally saw the damage that lay before her, she couldn't help herself and she started to cry again. Marissa was at a loss so she did the only thing she could do, she hugged her mother, everything she had hated of her she pushed it aside, after all this was family, and it seemed her mum was in great pain, she had to do what she could to help the woman before her. What she didn't realize, was that the woman was crying for her.

A whole new wave of tears over-took Julie when, as she snaked her arms across her daughter's waist and she felt how thin she had become. After a few moments, the older of the two pushed her daughter back slightly and looked her deep in the eyes. "Why didn't you come to me?"

Marissa was confused and then it dawned on her that she was talking about Trey, she sighed, but before she could reply her mother continued, "am I REALLY that bad of a mother that you felt you couldn't tell me someone had tried to hurt you like that Marissa?" Her voice wasn't angry or accusatory, it was pained and sad.

"I... I don't know mum, I just, I wanted to forget..."

"You went to Summer though?"

"Yea... I went there, it was the first place I thought of going..."

Julie nodded realizing for the first time that her daughter actually felt safer in her best friend's house then in her own, "I'm sorry."

Marissa looked at her mother confused, "huh?"

"I'm sorry. I've clearly been a failure as a mother and you felt you like you couldn't even come to me when something like that happened... so, I'm sorry."

"No... mum it's not your fault, I mean, I think I knew I could come to you for something like that, I think it's my fault for not feeling like I should... I don't know how to explain it really..."

"Honey, you know I am here for you no matter what, I know that I haven't been the best mother in the past, but I want that to change... it's sad to think it took something like this to make me realize that, but, I want you to be able to come to me when you need help..."

Marissa smiled at her mother, "thanks, I want to change things as well."

Her mother looked at her, so she explained, "after last night, I woke up and saw myself in the mirror and I hated what I'd become, I realized I can't keep on like this, and after Summer explained why you were there last night I really felt bad, I'd assumed the worst from both of you... and that was just wrong on my part."

Julie nodded, "I think it's time for a big change in our lives honey."

Marissa smiled, "I agree one hundred percent mom, I started so this morning!" Her mother gave her a strange look, "and I'm going to keep on now! Mum, I want to be able to come to you; I want to be able to talk to you and not have to run off."

"Oh honey you have no idea how happy that makes me!"

Marissa was met with a bittersweet memory as those words came out of her mum's mouth, "hold that thought. I want to talk to you, but I also want to be able to come to you knowing that you won't freak out or... do what you did last time..."

Julie looked confused for a few seconds and then she grasped what her daughter was saying, "had I known then, what I know now, I really am sorry for making Al..."

Marissa's face cringed and before her mother could finish, she interrupted her, "DON'T, don't say her name..."

Julie looked at her daughter and remembered what Summer had said; she nodded and kept on, "I just, I really am sorry for putting so many sticks in your relationship with her..."

Marissa sighed, "yea well... I don't know what it says about our relationship if I couldn't disprove what you were telling her," a sad look over came her facial features.

Julie quickly jumped up and hugged her daughter, "you know... she really did care for you... she came here one night, she was worried about you... I don't think, apart from Summer, that I've ever seen someone look so hurt at the thought of you being un-happy..."

Marissa pulled away from her mother, "what?" She had no idea what her mum was going on about.

"Um... she came over one night, saying you'd told her you were here for some reason... um, she told me... she told me you weren't happy, I told her that you and happiness had parted ways on your sixteenth birthday... she told me you'd brought your friends over-whelmed and scared to the apartment though..."

Marissa sighed realizing that Alex had even faced her mother... a few tears escaped, "I hurt her so bad mum..."

"Oh honey... don't worry, I think you will both find your way back to each other... from what I've heard and what I saw of you then, you had never been so happy... but I have to ask you something."

Marissa nodded, her head was now on her mother's shoulder as both of were sitting on the kitchen floor slumped against the wall, "why didn't you talk to her? Why didn't you tell her you were feeling over-whelmed by everything?"

"I... I don't know... I ask myself that everyday... I think I was just afraid of looking like I was coming up short, like I couldn't be as independent as her... and that I'd lose her because of that..."

"Oh honey!" She hugged her even tighter and they fell silent for a few moments.

Marissa was the one to break it, "I broke up with Ryan today... it wasn't fair to him that I was with him without being able to give him my heart... he was okay with it though, he already knew... we're going to try being friends..."

"That's good, I mean, that he was okay with it... right?"

"Yea... yea it's good."

They fell quiet again. Eventually Julie spoke up, "what are you going to do about his brother?"

Marissa tensed but she felt her mother's arms tighten, for once, she actually felt safe in her mother's embrace, the question wasn't pressuring or anything, in it lay a simple hint of curiosity, "I don't know..."

They stayed there for a while longer, both afraid of what would happen once they got back up and faced the world, it seemed like the floor of their kitchen was the safest place in the world in that moment. At the same time they were both enjoying the feel of being with each other, knowing that it wasn't going to be easy, but also knowing that what had happened was finally going to hopefully bring them closer together.

About five minutes had passed, they hadn't heard the front door or the footsteps approaching as they were lost in their own world, it wasn't until they heard a male voice that they snapped out of it; "what on EARTH are you two doing on the floor in the kitchen? And why are you crying, who died?"

"Oh... Caleb, hi, I'm sorry," Julie slowly got back up lifting Marissa with her, "no one, no one died, we just, we were sharing a mother daughter moment."

He looked at them both funny before turning around mumbling something about women.

The two Cooper women looked at each other with a small smile. Things were going to be different, they for once felt it, it wasn't like the times in the past when either or both said so. It was the start of something new, something better.


	9. Chapter Six: Silver Girl 1

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

He pulled up in front of the house of the girl he longed to be back with, as he got out of the car he let out a sigh; as much as the thirteen year old boy in him couldn't wait for Marissa and Alex to get back together to fulfill his fantasies, he wanted them back together because he knew that once things would Marissa were okay, he could pursue Summer and hopefully get her to change her mind about where their relationship was now standing.

He made it to the front door and rang the bell, it wasn't long before she answered the door and he smiled longingly at her. She was quick to reciprocate the look and the two, oddly enough, made their way quietly upstairs inside the girl's pink bedroom.

He watched as Summer moved towards her bed and sat down on it, she looked at him as he stood there awkwardly, then again, being him, it wasn't all that awkward. "Cohen, you do know that the bed isn't that small, you can sit."

The boy laughed awkwardly as he scratched the back of his head, "y... yea I know sorry," he went and instead of joining the girl on the bed, he pulled out and sat on the chair near the vanity. He looked up and started talking, "so um, I called Alex today..."

"Huh," Summer looked down pensively, and then quickly looked back up, "how is Blondie doing anywho?"

Seth opened his mouth and quickly shut it, he did it again only to find himself unable to answer eventually his words came back to him, "you know, actually I... I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Summer asked confused, "I thought you said you talked to her?"

"Well, I did... but now that I think about it, she never really told me how she was, she just... she kept on talking about me."

Summer quirked a brow, "really now; she focussed ALL her attention on you Cohen?"

Seth looked at her, "ha ha, no. It's just, whenever I asked her how she was she ignored it and just asked me how I was and..." he lowered his head, "and if we'd gotten back together."

Summer looked at him confused, she didn't understand what Seth was saying; and then it finally dawned on her, "you... you mean, she asked if you and I had gotten back together?" Seth simply nodded, "huh."

"Yea... we talked a bit more after that, but she had to go so, I couldn't get much else out of her."

"So then, we're going to have to go with them meeting at the bar then..."

Seth shrugged, "I guess so."

The two stayed quiet for a short while, until Seth finally looked up, "hey, what if maybe you tell her you want to go down there with her?"

"Why would we be going down to L.A.?"

Seth realized she had a point, "okay, well... OH! You said she wanted to hang out with you tonight right? Kind of re-form that bond that made Little Miss Vixen and Cosmo Girl so damn awesome together?"

Summer rolled her eyes but couldn't help the small smile that spread; she nodded and let the boy carry on, "okay well! What if after tonight you ask her to go down to L.A. to spend some quality time just the two of you?"

Summer looked at Seth as she thought it through, "you know what... that just might work!"

Seth grinned, "I think there's even supposed to be this awesome show at the club she works at on Saturday." Upon seeing the look Summer gave him he elaborated, "well, after our talk with the owner I checked out their site, and it said Modest Mouse was maybe going to play," he smiled a goofy smile, "you remember when we went to see them here right?"

Summer watched him as in two point two seconds the smile dropped from his face, "wait... please tell me you don't remember that night..."

Summer reached over and patted his thigh, "oh trust me Cohen, I remember it VERY well."

"Oh..." he scratched the back of his head once again, "so, um... yea, well, I don't know if it's for sure yet, but knowing Alex has gotten to play before, I'm sure it'll come through. You should tell Marissa and then you both should go."

Summer thought it over for a few seconds, "yea! I'll put aside my memory of them for the night and we can go. I'm sure she'd love it!"

Seth nodded and another semi-awkward silence came upon them. Seth looked at the girl who was staring at the comforter on her bed as she mindlessly sat there plucking at the fabric. He decided at that moment he should just go for it, "hey, Summer?"

She looked up at him and as he was about to continue, her phone went off, she smiled apologetically and looked at the caller id, "it's Marissa."

"Hey Coop! How are you?" The boy watched her as she animatedly carried on her end of the conversation. _"I can put my feelings aside for a little longer," _he thought to himself.

It wasn't much later that he saw Summer hang up and look back up to meet his gaze, "so, Coop said she wanted to hang out, mind giving me a lift?" She smiled at the boy.

"Nah its okay, it can wait, I'll drive you though." He shook his head as he stood up and walked towards the door waiting for Summer to gather her things, these little opportunities were all he was going to get for a while. With that thought in mind, the two of them set off to head to the McMansion.

* * *

Alex was sitting with her parents, the three of them were having diner and much to her surprise, things were going great. It was all extremely different from when she was younger; back then, conversations would often turn on her and she would get yelled at continuously. It was a relief to find things going as smoothly as they were going now. It was nice for a change to not feel like she was getting attacked.

Then again, after all of the usual banalities were dealt with, things would turn quiet, that was the thing about her parents, they were so close and spoke so often, that once diner rolled around, they were both equally content with the idea of enjoying a quiet meal.

Growing up it had its perks, as a kid, she got to hold most of the conversation, thoroughly entertaining with her parents with what she thought were epic tales, as she grew slightly older she realized what it meant for her parents, for a lot of kids at that point in time, if parents didn't speak during diner it meant trouble was on the way.

Alex on the other hand had always known that it was only because of the strong love the two had for each other. That both were comfortable and happy enough in their relationship that words weren't always needed. And that had been a strong influence in Alex's life; she had always hoped she could find that in someone.

She had always wanted someone with whom she could be that comfortable with that silence could be enjoyable. Then, as she grew older and became more troublesome, she learned she really missed those quiet diners where everything was okay. She was tired of hearing her parents constantly telling her she was acting irresponsibly.

The last diner she'd shared with them before she'd gotten kicked out had been like the old ones, silent, but this time it was one of those warning diners, the calm before the storm, the following day she found herself eating at a diner because her parents had thrown her out.

Here she was, a little over a year later, she knew she'd raised hell for her parents, and she understood why they'd done what they had, she didn't like it, she didn't think it was right, but she'd learned to appreciate it, in a way it had been what she needed to get her life back in control.

And so, on this fine evening she was enjoying the quiet once again; she felt as though she had spoken too much about Newport lately. She'd spoken too much about what she was feeling, too much and to too many people. She looked up to see her parent's still eating, glad they seemed to at least understand why she needed to not talk.

Thinking about the silence so much only resulted in shortening its life, and soon enough, her father broke the atmosphere with that age old question parents seemed to love when their kids were growing older. However, for the first time in a long time she didn't feel like she needed to jump into a defensive stance when she heard her father ask her; "so, sweetheart, do you know what you want to do now?"

"Honey, come on now don't start pestering her with that," Elizabeth was quick to intervene as she flashed her daughter an apologetic smile.

Before Alex could reassure her though, her father carried on, "no, no, Alex, I don't mean that in a bad way, I want you to know I am extremely proud of you. From what you've told me, and what Josh has told me, I know just how great of a manager you are, and that's remarkable at you age, it really is." The two shared a smile, "all I'm asking is if that's really what you want to do?" At which point he looked at his wife, "for all we know, maybe she'd want to own her own bar someday. Or go back to school and become a doctor, who knows!" The older man shrugged.

Elizabeth looked at her daughter, "I... I," she looked at her daughter, "well, my natural response is to tell you to leave her alone," she looked at him pointedly, yet un-threateningly and then quickly averted her eyes towards her daughter, "but he has a point."

Alex looked at her mother unable to respond, and so, the elder Kelly woman continued on, "from what we've heard you really have been able to make a name for yourself, I mean, Josh was telling us how much your old boss was raving about you and not to sound like I was doubting your talent, but it's always a pleasant surprise to hear just how well your kid has done for themselves."

Alex smiled to both of her parents, "well I'm glad what I do is well liked."

"Pft! Are you kidding? Both of them said you were and are the best thing that happened to their establishments!"

"Well, I doubt that," Alex said modestly, as she looked back and forth between both her parents, she realized just how serious they were being. She looked back down and forked a piece of salad as she gathered her thoughts on the subject matter.

"Well, to be honest, I've been thinking a lot about going back to school and maybe finishing..." she finished off quietly, not wanting to see the look her parents would flash her.

"Really?" she heard her mother exclaim.

"Sweetheart, that's wonderful!"

She finally looked up and couldn't help but smile at the look her parents were giving her. "Yea, I mean... I know I got kicked out of a lot of schools, but I'm not the same kid I was back then." She then looked back down as she added the last part, "I'm just worried I might be too far behind..."

"What?"

"That's NONESENSE!"

She looked up to see both of her parents looking at her as if she had three heads, "well what? I left halfway through the year and I haven't been back since!"

Her father reached over and gently grabbed her hand in his own, "you don't realize how smart you were and still are do you?"

Upon seeing the confusion written on her daughter's face she quickly elaborated; "you know, all those calls we got from your schools, every single call we got regarding your behaviour, the one thing they had in common, was each time they would tell us how bright you are, how much you could do with that if you just stopped acting out."

"I wasn't though..."

Before she could finish, her dad interrupted her, "sweetheart, I know this isn't the only thing school is about, but do you have any idea how many kids read the way you do? You were reading Dostoyevsky before I had even heard of him, and you were only fourteen. You remember when you told me to read that one book of his?"

"_A Raw Youth_?" she quickly filled in.

"Yea, that one... that was the first I'd ever heard of him, and when I read it, and you asked me about it... I had NO idea what you were going on about."

The two women laughed, but he shrugged it off, "I've never considered myself incredibly bright, but I've also never considered myself incredibly stupid either; but I have to admit when my fourteen year old came up to me asking me my thoughts on the book and I just said it was good... honey, you went off on this big giant rant about how it wasn't only good but it was a brilliant piece of work that never got the recognition it deserved. That it was sad that it wasn't one of his most renown works."

"I remember that day, we were sitting here, and I swear, I never heard so many big words that made no sense to me come out of a teenager," her mother added.

Alex shrugged, "that doesn't mean anything..." And as she saw the dumbfounded look both her parents were wearing she simply added, "what? It's not..."

"Okay, it's not. Our daughter is a genius and you're taking that away from us," her father added and all of them laughed.

"What your dad is trying to say is that if you want to go back and finish high school we will help you in whichever way we can, and you have to realize that there is NOTHING that should stop you okay? Especially not the work you'd have to do, because as far as we and your school files are concerned any school would be damn well lucky to have you. And I know you could make up whatever it is you've missed. You were always ahead anyways." She finished off nonchalantly.

Alex smiled at her mum and then at her dad, "thanks, that means a lot to me... I mean, I still don't know for sure, but I know I've been thinking a lot about it."

"Let us know when you're sure sweetheart."

Alex smiled one last time at the two of them, "alright, are you guys done? I'm going to clear off the table and go read or something since I've got the time today." As she realized what she said she smirked, but her folks never saw it. Nor did she ever see their shared proud smiles.

* * *

Summer had made her way over to the Cooper mansion; her and Seth had parted ways a little over twenty minutes ago; and during the drive over, she had focussed on those lingering stares Seth kept throwing her way. She didn't know what to do with them; sure, she had indeed left Zach back at the airport when she had seen the little kid playing with his plastic horse.

Deep down, she knew that Seth was meant for her, and she for him. What she didn't know is if she could go back to him so soon; she felt if she just fell back into his arms that Seth would be quick to act like he always had. She loved him, she really did, but the boy had hurt her and she felt she owed it to herself to at least wait a little.

She had to admit, she was surprised Seth was able to actually snap out of his own little bubble for once and put someone else's needs before his own. She knew there was a strong chance he only doing this knowing that she needed to be there fully for Marissa and that once the taller brunette was good he'd get his chance.

She thought back to how things had been going and she had to admit that Seth did seem genuine in wanting to help her, even if he had underlying motives, she could tell that the boy really did feel bad about what he'd caused between the two girls, and in some way this was his way of trying to make things right.

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and decided to put that all aside, she was going in to see her Coop! She opened the car door and listened to it as it slammed shut as she made her way to the front door. Once she got there she knocked on the door and patiently waited for someone to answer.

It wasn't long before a head of red hair appeared in front of her; "Hi Mrs. Cooper," Summer smiled at the older woman, and upon seeing the stern look on her face, she quickly realized her mistake, "I'm sorry, Julie."

Julie smiled, "are you here to see Marissa?" Summer nodded and Julie continued on, "I'm happy to hear, she's upstairs in her room; I think she's reading."

"Thank you, I'll see you soon then," she watched as Julie nodded and then turned towards the stairs, but before she could even reach the first step she heard the woman utter her name tentatively. It was strange, Summer had always viewed the older Cooper woman as a strong and independent woman who was never weak; yet she'd seen the woman cry only a few days ago and now the intonation her voice held scared her slightly considering how un-common it was for the older woman.

She turned around and saw Julie slowly approaching her, she was about to reply when she was caught by surprise as Julie's arms wrapped around her tightly. It took a few seconds but eventually she wrapped her own arms around the taller woman as she heard her whisper; "I just wanted to thank you again."

As they parted ways she saw Julie smiling at her and she couldn't help her own, "you're welcome Mrs. Coop!"

Julie smiled, she could deal with Mrs. Coop, it was hip she told herself, "alright then! I'm going to let you go up. Could you tell Marissa I'm leaving for the office soon and that I'll see her tonight?"

"Sure thing!" Summer replied glad to see that her friend and her mum finally seemed to be doing better. With this last exchange the younger girl made her way up the staircase to her best friend's room.

* * *

Marissa had been lying on her stomach reading for the last few hours, she'd called Summer a little over a half hour ago knowing she'd almost be caught up with this round of reading for school, and she couldn't have been more right. Only a few minutes after she finished reading her chapter she heard a knock on her door and Summer's voice right after, "Coop! Your mum said you were in there."

"Yea you can come in," she quickly replied as she slowly made her way into a sitting position. By the time Summer had entered she was leaning against the headboard and placing her book on the night stand, "hey, how are you?"

Summer who was still a bit frazzled by her earlier encounter with Julie answered simply, "I'm alright, your mum was just more happy then I've seen her in a long time. It's like when the step monster changes her pills to the happy ones... kind of scary!"

Marissa laughed, "yea, she's been... different... I think it's a good different though."

Summer examined her friend and then added, "yea, I definitely think so, it's about time the two of you stop being after each other. You're both too damn stubborn for it."

Marissa smiled at her friend and then quickly thought to ask, "but what did she do to you? Or say?" She thought to add quickly.

Summer shrugged, "nothing much really, she just hugged me, it was just weird coming from Julie Cooper-Nichol you know?"

"Oh, I do, she's been hugging me non-stop lately... it's like it's a hug a friend day and I'm her only friend."

Summer laughed as she went to sit down in front of Marissa, "oh that reminds me," she saw Marissa quirk a brow, "before I came up she told me to let you know that she's going to the office and she'll see you when she gets back tonight."

Marissa nodded, "thanks." The taller of the two watched her friend give her a suspicious look, "what?"

"I don't know..." Summer started, "it's just weird seeing you so... well, not throwing a fit or anything. No offense." She quickly added.

Marissa laughed, "yea well, I guess my mum's hugs have turned me weird too eh?" When she only got an even more confused look from her friend she continued, "I mean, what's the point? We talked, and we both realize how bad it is for us to always be at each other's throats, and we both want things to change, actually, we both NEED for things to change, I guess that just makes us both want to try and do whatever we can to get there," she shrugged.

"Huh," Summer didn't know what else to reply, this new Marissa looked like the old Marissa, but she definitely spoke differently, and generally speaking seemed to have a different attitude towards life and everything else, "well then... best of luck to the both of you, I hope this really does work out for the best!"

Marissa smiled, "me too!"

They shared a comfortable silence for a short while; Summer however couldn't let silence drag on too long, "so other than reformed Satan mum how are you doing Coop?" She asked happily.

Marissa smiled, "I'm better than I have been, not all the way yet... but I'll get there soon. But we've been talking about me for like weeks now. I feel like I don't know anything about what's going on with you! So go on tell me what's been happening!"

* * *

Summer smiled as she lunged herself forward in order to hug her best friend, she was glad Marissa was doing better and she could tell Marissa really meant what she was saying, that the taller girl wasn't trying to hide anymore. It was sad to know her friend didn't feel one hundred percent just yet, but knowing how Marissa was, it was great to hear her admit what she actually felt. Besides, hearing Marissa speak only re-enforce her feelings that hers and Seth's plan was going to be for the best.

She slowly removed the death grip she had around Marissa's shoulders and leaned back in order to start talking; after all, she was really anxious to get her best friends opinion on the Cohen situation. "Well... I have been talking to Cohen a lot lately..." the shorter brunette looked up shyly to see her best friend beaming at her, "what?"

Marissa threw her, her famous crooked smirk, "nothing, it's just about time the two of you started talking again!"

Summer's only response was to lightly shove the brunette in the arm; the two girls shared a small laugh before Marissa turned serious once again, "Sum," she reached out and placed her hand on her friend's thigh, which garnered the attention she was waiting for before carrying on, "I really meant that. I mean, Zach was a great guy and all, but we all know you and Seth are meant to be..."

Summer sighed, "I... I like to think so, but sometimes I wonder, I mean, he REALLY makes me want to go rage blackout like all the time..."

Marissa smiled as she squeezed her friend's leg a little, "of course he does... he's Seth!" Marissa explained as if it was the most obvious reasoning in the world, "if he didn't make you angry then... well then that'd be weird."

Summer smiled at her friend, before she looked down at her leg and began picking at the imagined thread she saw there. "Maybe... but what if, what if he hurts me again?"

Upon hearing her friend's worry Marissa couldn't help but let her own past experiences creep over her; over the past few days she had realized just how much she wanted to get things back on track and find Alex. She wished more than anything, that the blond would give her a second chance.

Thinking about getting that second chance though only made Marissa worry that if Alex was willing to let her walk back into her life, that she would go and do something stupid and hurt the blonde once again.

As she saw the dejected look on Summer's face, she quickly pushed her own thoughts aside and leaned forward to hug her friend, "aw Sum! Don't worry, I mean, I guess odds are, being a guy, he probably will, but not intentionally!" She smiled as she heard Sumer chuckle before she kept on, "besides, if Seth has half a mind of his own, I'm sure he's just as afraid of doing something that could hurt you himself."

The shorter girl let out a sigh, "I guess... it's just frustrating you know? I mean, we've been talking and everything seems great and I really want to give in to his dorky face, but... I'm scared of things going horribly again."

Marissa threw her friend a little smirk, "do you love Seth?"

Summer looked up quickly and threw her a confused and incredulous look, "what? Where did THAT come from? And again, what?"

Marissa laughed, "just answer the question Sum," she flashed her a comforting smile.

Summer sighed, "I don't think I ever stopped," she started picking at her pants again.

"Then, isn't a chance at having that again worth taking the risk?"

Summer looked up at her long time friend, "when did you get so wise?"

Marissa shrugged and smiled, "I've been listening to someone very wise for the past few weeks."

Summer smirked, "huh, sounds pretty awesome, can I meet this person?"

"Yea, I'm sure you can," the two shared a quiet moment; both happy that things really seemed to finally be okay. Marissa's brow scrunched up not too long after, "wait, if you've been talking to Seth lately, how come you guys haven't patched things up yet? Knowing him I'm sure he's been hounding you."

Summer laughed, "yea, yea he has, but we were talking about other stuff... we haven't really been talking... about us."

"Other stuff?" Marissa questioned.

Summer nodded, "mmhm."

"What kind of other stuff?" The brunette further questioned.

"Um," Summer tried to stall as she looked around the room, she soon spotted the book on the bedside table, "oh how's your reading coming along?"

Marissa looked over her shoulder to see where Summer was looking, "yea, it's going great I finally caught up," she replied hesitantly as she kept on studying Summer. "Sum... what other stuff?" She became worried, her friend wasn't one to keep quiet... on anything, this was weird.

Summer sighed, "it's nothing Coop, don't worry about it," she slowly moved away from Marissa as she was in the process of standing up.

But Marissa would have none of that, she quickly followed and placed both hands on Summer's shoulders and gently turned her so she could face her. Summer kept staring down as Marissa was studying her more intensely, "it was me right?" Summer looked up, "you were talking to Seth about me?"

She could see the shorter girl was looking at her, trying to figure out if she was mad, she smiled down at her friend, "Sum, I'm not mad if that's what you're trying to figure out."

"You're not?"

Marissa slowly moved away but kept on facing the girl as she moved to sit on the bed, "of course not! I can't even imagine what I put you through! I hoped you had someone you could vent to!"

"Coop! I wasn't venting to Seth, I just... I didn't know what to do to help you. I mean, he doesn't know about... he doesn't know about Trey... just," Summer didn't know how to finish her sentence so she just looked up hoping her best friend would understand what she was trying to say. She let out the small breath she hadn't realized she was holding when she saw the understanding smile Marissa threw her way as she nodded.

"It's okay, I don't think I'd have known either, in fact, I didn't know what do," she chuckled humourlessly. "Thanks for keeping the Trey thing quiet though... Seth tends to have a big mouth and I don't want Ryan to find out."

Summer nodded, she could tell Marissa wanted to drop the Trey issue so she let it go for now, "don't be so hard on yourself," it was Summer's turn to move closer and place a comforting hand on her friends knee, "besides, Cohen felt bad and he wanted to help... it was surprising, you were right, he really can be a good listener!"

"He can be... I don't know how often that'll happen though," the two girls shared another small laugh, "but I really am happy you had him there for you. Isn't that a good thing? Kind of him being there shows he's at least changed a little no? You should give him a chance."

Summer smiled sadly, "yea, he was, but I wonder if he was only there because I told him we could talk about us once you were okay."

"Sum! You shouldn't have done that! I mean, I appreciate it, and it means a lot to me that you'd put that much aside for me, but you really didn't have to!"

"Of course I did! Coop you've been my best friend... for like, ever now! You were going through a rough time! I wasn't going to not be there for you," Summer explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Sum," Marissa tilted her head to the side, "I've been having a rough time since I was sixteen... you've always been there for me, I never expected or wanted you to put your own life on hold for me. I feel terrible!"

"Of course not! It's my duty, as head best friend to always be there, and as much as I wanted to figure things out... well, we all know how time consuming Cohen can be, and I didn't want to take that chance with you!"

Marissa shook her head, she was trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall; in all the years that she'd known Summer, she had seen the girl cover for her in more ways than one, she truly was the best friend a girl could have. She knew Summer really did love her, the same as she loved the shorter girl, but she had to admit, every time Summer pulled something off like she just had, it made her realize just how lucky she really was to have her as a best friend.

She knew that a lot of people thought of summer as a high class daddy's girl princess who was often off in her own world and didn't pay attention to anything unless it revolved around her, and as much as that was true in some cases, Marissa knew better than to corner her off in that category.

Summer had proved, throughout the years that she was one of the most selfless person she had ever met, she had learned early on that if Summer Roberts gave a damn about you, you could guarantee she'd have your back.

It had always amazed her just how much the shorter girl was willing to sacrifice for her, she never felt like she deserved it, she often felt like a lost case; there was a time long ago, when she used to think that Summer would one day leave her, pretty much like everyone else had, but each time she fell down, Summer was always the first one there to help her up.

She looked up to see her friend studying her quietly, "Sum, I want you to do something for me." Summer looked at her confused and so she carried on, "I really am grateful for everything you've done for me, and I want to make it up to you, I do, but I think first, you need to go find Seth. Go talk things out with him."

"But..."

"No buts," Marissa interrupted, "I know you still love him and he's been in love with you since the third grade, I know you're scared, but it's Seth, he's always going to be your dork, your error prone, bobble headed geek, as you so kindly have referred to him in the past."

She could see Summer was still hesitating and so she decided to lift the mood as well, "look Sum, I'll make you a deal, get up and get your own cute nose down to Seth, talk things out, and, how about you and I go shopping this weekend? Make up for lost time? I'm sure I made you miss TONS of sales." She smiled at her friend who's spirits already seemed greatly lifted.

Summer was grinning, "really? You want to go shopping this weekend?" Summer was excitedly asking.

Marissa laughed, "yea, after you go talk to Seth, maybe get him to ask you out for this weekend and we'll go find you something to wear."

"Oh my God! I have been dying to get in the mall! You have no idea how awesome this is going to be! I know JUST the place to go too!" Unknown to Marissa, Summer, the instant shopping had been mentioned, realized it was her in to bring up L.A.

Marissa gave her a confused look, "what do you mean where? I thought the mall was a pretty general spot for us."

Summer laughed this time, "yea, but I've really been wanting to trip up to L.A. and check out the stores there! So what do you say? You, me, plus some out of town shopping?"

"L.A.? Why there?" Marissa found herself asking, her thoughts automatically went to a gorgeous blonde ex-lover of hers. She really wanted to try and patch things up with the girl, but she couldn't help the fact that she was afraid of being in the same city she was sure the girl was in.

"Two reasons, I heard they're having this really big sale on shoes, I want to go! Reason two, Cohen told me Modest Mouse was supposed to play there, I figured we could make up for last time we saw them, from what I remember of them before Cohen ruined the night, they sounded great!"

Marissa was still cautious, but she felt like she owed Summer and the girl really did seem really excited, so she decided she'd just tag along for the ride, L.A. was a big city right? Odds were, she wouldn't even be anywhere near Alex. "Alright, I'm in!"

Summer leaped forward once again hugging her best friend tightly, "you won't regret this!" She heard Summer whisper in her ear.

"_Oh, famous last words..."_ she thought to herself as she hugged her friend back.


	10. Chapter Six: Silver Girl 2

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

It was a quiet Monday afternoon at the bar, Alex was serving the regular customers as she went over the inventory charts; everything seemed to be in order, and she couldn't seem to find anything wrong with them but she had a nagging feeling she could put the order in just yet, she felt something was missing. She threw the chart on the counter behind her when she noticed one of the mugs needed to be re-filled; she pushed off and made her way over to Mike, a man she had known for a long time.

"Hey, Mike how are the kids doing?" She asked the middle aged man while she took and motioned towards the taps silently asking if he wanted another refill.

The man nodded as he replied, "they're doing well, Jamie's getting in trouble again though," he sighed and shook his head.

Alex looked at the man while she brought back his beer in front of him, "nothing too serious I hope?" She had known Jamie from her high school days; the boy who was only a few years younger than herself never seemed to be a troublesome kid.

"No," the man shook his head, "nothing serious but he's still getting in trouble with the school. Hopefully he's just trying to get a rise out of us and he'll stop soon."

Alex nodded understandingly, she knew Jamie was the youngest of five kids; Mike's family was a big one compared to most in L.A., but he and his wife had both grown up in the city and they had never wanted to leave. They were good folks and she knew they had been through this type of behaviour before. "From what I remember of him he was a good kid, I'm sure he's not going to stay in trouble too long. You've got good kids."

Mike smiled, "thanks Alex, how are your folks doing?"

Alex leaned against the bar, "they're good, dad's..." before she could finish her sentence she heard Josh's voice booming from the office, "sorry I got to go see what he wants." Mike nodded with a smile and with that she left and went back to the office.

"You rang?"

Josh smiled, "I got some good news for you."

Alex walked in and plopped down on the chair that was set across from Josh's desk, "oh yea? And what's that?"

"Well, have you submitted that inventory chart yet?"

Alex looked at him confused, she didn't understand how the charts could be anything close to good news, "no why?"

"Good! Because you're going to have to go over them again."

"Urgh what? How is that good news? I swear you get a sick thrill out of rising up my hopes!" She made a move to get up; she was almost at the door when she heard his voice again.

"Alex, you're going to have to go over them again because last night I got a call from that band you were freaking out about? The one you were trying to get to come play... its official, next Saturday they're coming here. So, I'm going to need you to figure out what more we'll need in accordance to the crowd."

"WHAT?" Alex spun around quickly facing the grinning older man, "you're kidding right? I've been waiting to hear from them for like, three weeks and you tell me NOW that they called you yesterday!"

"I wanted to surprise you, wanted to make sure everything's good to go," he smiled at the obviously excited young woman before him.

"Oh my God! Josh! We got Modest Mouse to come here?" She ran forward to the man and hugged him, she felt his arms wrap around her.

It was an un-characteristical move on Alex's part, but he had seen how hard she'd tried to get them to come down, she had spent hours on the phone convincing their manager that the trip over to Delusions would be worth it.

He had had to sit by and listen to her go on and on about them and he'd had his ears blown off by their music playing continuously in the office. He was happy that they had decided to make a detour to come see them and he was glad he'd been the one to deliver the news.

Alex eventually let go of the man and moved back, "okay, um, I'm sorry that was weird." The two shared a laugh, "I'm going to go back out there before the guys decide to take over the bar again and I'll look into what we'll need for Saturday."

He smiled at the blonde, "good, and I've already got them posted on the website, but it's a week from now, so if you've got any ideas to get the word out let me know."

She nodded and left the office beaming, her spirits were suddenly lifted, it seemed like Saturday was going to be awesome, she'd been dying to see them play live for a long time now but each and every time she was about to head out the door to catch them, something would always come up. Last time was at the Bait Shop, it was the closest she'd gotten, but then her evening went down the drain when Seth decided to be a bad boy. She wanted to actually see them, not deal with their manager because some idiot puked all over the merch table. But come this Saturday she'd be there, no distractions, she grinned as she reappeared behind the bar.

* * *

Julie had just gotten home; it had been a surprisingly long day spent staring at various images of herself for the magazine. She was glad to finally be home, she walked to the front door and let herself in, she was about to call her daughter to let her know she was home but as she walked in the kitchen, she saw her sitting there.

She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Marissa pour over her homework. She saw her looking up when she had fully entered the room after spending a good thirty seconds observing her; "hey mum, how was your day?"

Julie stared at her daughter, there didn't seem to be any malice, only general curiosity in her tone; "fine and yours?"

"Eh, it was alright, I asked the teachers what I could do to catch up on missed work, so now I've got, let's see," the brunette pulled out her notebook, "one extra paper to write, one more book report, which means I need to read another book entirely, I've got to go in on two different days to make up two tests and about eight thousand pages of math to catch up on."

Julie stared at her once again, "who are you?"

Marissa looked up confused, "what?"

"Nothing, I just, I don't think I've seen you this interested in your school work since, I don't even know," Julie explained still fully dumbfounded.

Marissa smirked, "you're not the only one. Half those teachers thought I was joking, I realized how behind I was yesterday and decided to do something about it, if I'm going to change something about my life, might as well go full change right?"

Julie nodded still shocked by the sudden change in her daughter, she was however glad, she had always wanted Marissa to do good in school, and she knew the girl had the potential to do so. She knew the girl could do anything she set her mind to, she was after all Julie Cooper's daughter, and she simply had to set her mind to it. The brunette never did have much trouble in school; it was simply a matter of motivation.

In fact, she had always been a good student; it was only over the past year that things started to go down the drain. It was no excuse but the girl had had a rough year, with everything that had happened Julie could understand how her daughter's motivation could have faltered along the way.

She eventually snapped herself out of her daze and made her way over to the girl who was still bent over the table staring at notes, she looked over her shoulder as she spoke; "well, if there's anything I can help you with; I'll do my best to answer any question."

Marissa looked up, "thanks mum, means a lot."

Julie nodded and went to the fridge to grab herself a bottle of water, she was about to walk out of the kitchen when she heard her daughter's voice, "actually, there is something I wanted to ask you..."

She turned around and saw her daughter fidget a little, "what is it?"

"Summer asked me to go shopping with her this weekend."

Julie looked confused, "you... you're asking me if you can go shopping? Marissa honey, I know we're trying to change and all, but you don't have to start asking me permission for everything, you know that."

Marissa laughed, "no, I know that, but she wants to go shopping in L.A. we'd probably go check out an all ages club too, there's a great band playing."

"Oh."

"Yea, I mean, I guess old me would have gone anyway, probably only letting you know once I was there, but I wanted to ask anyways," Marissa shrugged.

Julie nodded, "and you'd come back Sunday?"

"I think so; Summer just said we'd leave straight after school on Friday... I guess we'll shop Saturday and then hit the club, knowing Summer shop some more Sunday before coming home... who knows, maybe she'll go rage blackout on some random girl who's after the same shoes, and we'll be stuck there longer," Marissa smirked as she finished off her sentence.

Julie couldn't help but smile herself, "as long as you're back for school on Monday I don't have a problem with it."

Marissa smiled, "great thanks mum!"

Julie nodded as she set off to walk out of the room, "good luck on your homework."

"I'll need it," Marissa mumbled but was still heard by Julie, who smirked as she walked out, glad to see her daughter who seemed to be taking control of her life once again.

* * *

Dave and his wife entered the house on the Thursday night, both had been surprised when they saw Alex's Jeep in the driveway, they hadn't really seen much of the blonde over the week considering her late work hours. However once they crossed the threshold into their home they quickly recognized the familiarity of what greeted them. It was like they had stepped into a vortex that led them back to Alex and her high school days.

There was music blasting through the house, the pair shared a look as they set off to find the source that seemed to be coming from the kitchen. They both made their way over and stopped abruptly when they reached the opening; sitting on the table was Alex's computer set up with speakers, Alex had her back was to them which gave them perfect cover to watch as their daughter sang along to the music and moved around with ease through the kitchen.

The two older Kelly's shared a look and Dave lovingly placed his arm around his wife's shoulder so she could lean on him as he leaned against the wall, they were watching as the girl moved about in the kitchen cutting up vegetables never once taking notice of them as she hummed along.

He kissed the top of his wife's head happy to see his daughter back in their lives and seemingly happy, at least as happy as she could be considering everything he had been through. He leaned down when he felt his wife leaning up to him, he couldn't help but smile even more brightly when he heard his wife say, "she's back." He kissed the top of her head once again happy to see that the older of the Kelly woman did indeed seem to be just as thrilled as he was to have Alex back.

It was at that moment that they saw Alex lifting her head, both shared a look trying to see if they could hide but there was no way out, they met the blonde girl's gaze both looking like two deer caught in headlights.

* * *

Alex had been enjoying her time in the kitchen; it had been far too long since she'd fully immersed herself in what she knew to be a skill of hers. As she'd gotten off work earlier than planned it stroked her and she decided she'd cook something up for her folks since they had been really great with her lately and she wanted to thank them.

She'd gone to the grocery store picked up what she needed and headed back home, she didn't think they'd be home so soon; so when she looked up and locked eyes with her parents she could help but feel like she'd been caught with her hand in the cookie jar herself.

She noticed how her parents seemed with one another, they had always been in love and it was something that growing up, she had learned to appreciate, she realized how lucky she was to have her parents not only still be together, but for them to still be in love.

She didn't like to think of the time during which she knew she had put a strain on their relationship but she was glad to see that they'd stuck it out all the way, however, once she realized they were still standing there she easily slipped back into her old habits.

She'd cook often for them when she was younger, before everything changed, and so the words easily slipped out; "what are you guys doing in here? You know you're not allowed until I'm done! Get out of here! Shoo!"

Her dad and mum both started laughing. They stopped abruptly when they saw their daughter looking at them pointedly, "go on, go do something I REALLY don't want to know about! You've got," she opened the oven and looked in, "thirty-five to forty minutes."

They laughed once again, but with the serious look she was throwing them they were quick to make a hasty exit, her dad not failing to salute her in the process. Once they were out of the room she laughed to herself as she set back to chopping some peppers she had been working on before being spied on.

* * *

The alarm rang loudly in the girl's room, the excessively feisty brunette was quick to respond to the annoying beeping as she sat up and reached over to shut it off. Normally it would have taken her much longer to get up but today was a special day; Friday had finally arrived and one Summer Roberts was very excited for the weekend, what was there to not be thrilled about? Her friend was back to her old self, she was going to shop with said friend, she was going to L.A., she would get to see an awesome band, and most importantly, she was going to help her friend find her heart.

Summer had spoken to Marissa and the girls had agreed that she would pick her up to go to school so the two could leave straight away after school without worrying about Marissa's car. Summer was hoping for them to leave right away so they could reach L.A. early enough to head over to the bar that same night.

The show wasn't until the Saturday night, but as Summer and Seth went over the plan, they had figured it would be best if the two girls saw each other before the show. If they waited until the night of the concert and things went badly then they knew neither of the girls would appreciate being in the middle of a big crowd.

Summer shook her head as she finished getting ready, she didn't want to put any negative thoughts out there; she needed to be vibrating at a high frequency for her friend. Just as those thoughts entered her mind, her phone buzzed on her night stand. She went over and picked it up looking to see the caller ID before she answered. She smiled slightly as she saw the name, "good morning Cohen!" She greeted cheerily.

_"Good morning Summer! You sound awful chipper today."_

"Well, you know today's going to be an important day, so yes, I am very happy right now," Summer grinned as she held her phone with her shoulder so she could keep on getting ready.

_"I can't imagine; does Marissa have any idea?"_

"I don't think so, I didn't let anything slip so, unless you opened your big mouth she should have no idea what so ever."

_"Of course not! Why would I do that? I know how much this means to you and I know how important it is for Marissa."_

"Well, your track record isn't exactly perfect when it comes to this stuff."

_"I... yea, I know, and I'm sorry again about that, had I known..."_

"You'd have done it anyway..." Summer sighed, this wasn't how this was supposed to go, she continued before Seth could reply, "it's okay Seth... you did what you thought was right at the time, just... if things work out between them please promise me you won't interfere. No more Justice Four understood!"

_"First off, you need to stop with the Justice Four. It's Justice League, or Fantastic Four. We were the Fantastic Four. Because we were four. Second of all, I swear Summer, I won't, Scouts Honour!"_

"I don't care which it is, you just need to stop it, and you didn't even last that long in there!"

_"Fine... and maybe not... but you can still count on me."_

"Whatever Cohen..." Summer grabbed her bag as she was about to leave, "look um, I've got to go pick up Marissa for school..."

Seth was quick to cut her off, _"oh yea sure, no problem. Before you go, I wanted to ask you, do you maybe want to go out next week? I know when we talked you said maybe we could try and see each other again so I was hoping maybe we could go for diner, talk things out some more?"_

Summer smiled to herself, Seth really did seem to want to change for the better when it came to their relationship. After her talk with Marissa at the beginning of the week, she had gone and spoken to him, told him that maybe they could try again, but they'd have to go slow, she didn't want to be hurt by the boy again.

"Yea, we can talk about it when we get back, but I'd love to."

_"YES! Alright! It'll be perfect; I will think you will love the new and improved Seth Cohen, well... not LOVE love, at least not right away... even though I KNOW you haven't been able to stop thinking about me, but ..."_

Summer laughed, "Stop! I'll believe that when I see it," she replied, "alright, I got to go, talk to you on Sunday."

_"Good luck and be careful out there."_

"Will do, bye," Summer replied as she waited for him to say goodbye before hanging up the phone.

Once that was done she made her way out the house and into her car quickly sending out a text to Marissa letting her know she was on her way to pick her up.

It wasn't ten minutes later that she pulled up in front of the Cooper-Nichol mansion; she turned off the ignition and hopped out of the car. As she reached the front door, she knocked and waited for an answer, it didn't take more than a minute for her to hear her best friend's voice through the door.

"Bye mum I'll see you when I get back on Sunday," she heard Marissa shout as the door was pulled open in front of her. "Hey Sum! How are you?" The brunette asked the shorter girl as she locked the door behind her and made her way to her friend's car.

"I'm doing great! How about you?"

"I'm doing good, you excited about the weekend?" Marissa laughed as she saw her friend bounce down the front porch steps as she made her way to the car.

The two girls got in before Summer replied, "so excited, it's going to be great, I can't wait to see all the stores. Think about it Coop! We don't know these stores, think of all the shoes! And bags! And..."

"I get it Sum," Marissa laughed, "lot of stuff we haven't seen here."

Summer looked at her friend shocked, "stuff? STUFF? COOP! This is clothes! I think I'm going to need to rethink your best friend status if you keep up that crazy talk.

Marissa laughed, "alright, I'm sorry Sum, pretty shoes, and bags and dresses, and socks." Marissa mocked the girl who was driving.

"EXACTL... socks?" She looked over at her friend, "really Coop? Socks?"

"Hey, they're important too! Don't discriminate against socks."

Summer stopped at a red light and stared at her friend, "you know, I'm hearing this little voice, and it's telling me _'she's mocking you, she's mocking you,'_ but I'm going to pretend it's not there and that you aren't making fun of me. I have Cohen to do that..."

Marissa laughed at her friend, "Sum, if you're hearing voices, I think you need to see someone."

"Shut up!" Summer squealed as she hit her friend in the arm after having parked the car in the school parking.

"It's going to be okay Sum," Marissa replied as she got out of the car before getting hit again.

As Summer got out of the car she couldn't help the small smile that played on her lips, she had missed seeing this side of her Coop, the happy fun side. She quickly joined the taller girl and the two made their way inside the school still playfully bantering with each other.

* * *

She'd woken up earlier than usual, there was something different in the atmosphere, she couldn't pin point its origin, but there was something in the air that morning; she felt surprisingly well rested and decided she'd go for an early morning surf.

She had been happy to see that the beach wasn't crowded, that was what she loved about going out this early, the only people you chanced to run into were those who would be there for the same reason as you.

It had felt beyond good to get out there and into the water, it felt good to let the ocean wash away all that was on her mind, it served to remind her that things would be okay; it was a great morning for her she felt on top of the world as she drove back home. She had spent a few hours out in the water and now that the sun was fully up and more people had begun showing up on the beach she knew it was time to head home.

She spent the ride in the car thinking about everything she still had to do for tomorrow's show, she was worried they hadn't advertised it enough; that the band would show up and after all the pleading she'd done that there wouldn't be anyone there.

She put the car in park as she arrived home and shook her head. It was none sense, she knew people would be there, they'd been putting up flyers all week long and they had tonight to rely on if anything, Friday Night Mayhem, they were going to use tonight to further promote; making sure there were mini flyers left right and center, and she knew their offer of a free drink if they bought their ticket tonight would garner some attention.

She smiled to herself as she got out, all her previous worries were washed out the door as she let it sink in that they were going to make it and that this was going to be an amazing weekend. She threw her towel around her neck and grabbed her board as she walked towards the front door. She stopped abruptly when she saw who was sitting on her front porch.

* * *

Summer skipped out of school, the day was finally over and she was excited; it was finally time to head over to L.A. She couldn't wait to see what was going to happen between the two girls, she hoped things would go well, she hoped things would go beyond well actually, but she also didn't want to get too excited in case things would come tumbling down at the last second.

As she reached her car she realized the taller brunette wasn't there yet, she leaned against it and waited to see when her friend would show. It wasn't a long wait, only a few minutes later, she saw the lanky brunette walking towards her, bright smiles and all; Summer had to take a moment to appreciate that her friend's spirits definitely did seem lifted.

There was no denying it, Marissa Cooper finally seemed happy again, but Summer could tell the smile the girl was sporting didn't reach her eyes, she was just anxious to see if after this weekend Marissa would finally complete her turn around.

"You ready to hit the road Coop?" She asked enthusiastically.

"Definitely! Can't wait to get out of here for a few days," the girl replied with a smile, "it'll be good, fresh air you know?"

Summer looked at the girl just before the two opened the doors, she quickly replied, "fresh air? In L.A.? Funny Coop."

The two girls laughed and quickly made their way into the vehicle. Summer threw the car in reverse and started driving them to the exit of the parking space, just as she hit the turned onto the road she turned to look over at her friend, "L.A. here we come?"

Marissa turned her head to look at the shorter girl, she smiled, "L.A. here we come," she stated happily.

* * *

Alex was sitting on her bed, she hadn't moved much, after Roxy had left she'd gone up to her room turned on her stereo and sat down to read the letter she'd been handed; she'd now been sitting in the same spot for a few hours re-reading the letter over and over again completely unaware of the time that had gone by.

She had barely registered that the house phone and her own were ringing, and when she did realize it, she didn't even bother answering it, after having read what she had, she didn't see the point, it was all becoming too much, things were finally going well, she had felt good that morning, why would the universe throw this her way.

She let out a breath, she wasn't aware she'd been holding, she shakily ran a hand through her hair before a voice broke through her thoughts; "are you okay?"

She looked up to meet the eyes that resembled her own, "not really," she answered honestly. She wanted to lie, she wanted to tell her mother she was just fine, but she felt drained, she couldn't even be bothered to lie.

Elizabeth walked into the room and sat down next to her daughter, she saw that the girl was holding what seemed to be a letter, she pointed to it, "you want to talk about it?" She figured this must have been what had put Alex into the state she was in.

Alex shrugged, there wasn't much to say, "I woke up this morning, I felt higher than high, but it was still early, so I went for a surf, I came back around ten thirty... Roxy was sitting on the steps out front. I hadn't seen her in a few days you know, she um..."

Alex's breath hitched as she spoke, "when she came last time, I grabbed a shirt, and a letter had fallen out, Roxy told me about it, but I guess we both forgot, she'd slipped it in her back pocket to give it to me later on. Turns out later on she read it, that was the night I came home late."

Elizabeth nodded as she watched her daughter explain what had happened, "so this morning, she came across the letter, figured she should give it to me sooner rather than later... she told me I really should read it. Then she left, so I came up here and I've been here ever since."

"... is it... is it from her?"

Alex nodded, "apparently she wrote it the last night she was at the apartment, after the bonfire, I never found it before because she put it in a shirt I haven't touched since the night I went out with Roxy... it was her shirt..."

"What's the letter say?"

Alex looked at her mum, "everything," she let out in a sigh.

She felt her mum wrap an arm around her, her head fell forward as she decided what her next move should be. As she still held her head in her hands, she tilted it slightly to the side giving her mother one last glance before she handed her the letter.

Elizabeth was slightly shocked at the action; she wasn't expecting that from the girl, she gently took it with her right hand as she gave a final squeeze with her left. She brought the letter up so she could read it. She looked over when she felt the movement and saw Alex had lain down on her back with her hands behind her head.

The older Kelly woman took a breath as she looked at the paper in front of her;

_Alex,_

_Sorry if I'm not prepared; my mother calls it a phase, Ryan thinks I'm was just looking for comfort, Seth... Seth's perverted, Summer, she was shocked but she never had any bad thoughts about us... I want you to know, you weren't a phase, I wasn't just looking for comfort, I'm not Seth and like Summer, I never had any bad thoughts about us... deep down, I knew from the moment I met you, that you would change my life, I knew you would change me; and for the better._

_You walked into my life when everything was falling apart, my dad had just left me, Ryan was out of the picture, there was all this drama about Lindsay, my mother was being... herself, Summer was going through her love triangle with Seth and Zack, but you were there... you offered me more than comfort._

_When we started talking, you took whatever I dealt and you played it your best. You didn't try to do anything but understand, and you just showed me how great things could be. And then you did, you showed me myself, and I will forever be grateful to you for that... but when things started setting in I realized what I was getting myself into, and it scared me... I was afraid to deal with all of that, I wasn't as ready as I thought I was, and I pushed you away, and for that, I am sorry._

_It's eating me alive to leave you; I can't stand the thought of losing you, I really can't, but there's something in me that's not letting me fight for you; maybe this is my default setting you know? I'm so used to everyone leaving that I can't even find the strength to fight it anymore... I wish I was strong enough to tell you to stay, to tell you that I want this to work and I want us to work on it, but there's something in me that's not letting me._

_I'm breathing in your skin tonight; it's so hard being here tonight, in this apartment, you opened your door for me, you let me stay here, there's so many memories in here and I'm so afraid to look around one last time and see it all gone, I'm afraid to blink and see it all gone. I know you said you were leaving, I don't want you to go, I don't want someone else to come in this apartment and lose all that's here. This was my first home, I want you to know that, you always made me feel alive, but you brought me to life when we were in here, this was my haven, because I knew nothing could happen when you were here._

_Quiet is my loudest cry; I didn't fight for you tonight, and I regret that, but if I had said something, anything, I was afraid you'd stay, I was afraid you'd actually stick around for me. No one's ever done that, and I couldn't ask that of you._

_I didn't want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside; because that meant someone actually cared, and I don't know if I can handle that... I don't know that I can handle having you, knowing you'd stay for me and at the same time think that everything would fall apart at any second._

_And if it's healthier to leave you be may a sickness come and set me free; I think you were always too good for me, you deserve someone who won't drag you down, you remember that night, at the Bait Shop? When you stood up for me? No one, had a ever done that for me, you were a stranger and you stood up for me when Ryan told me I had dragged him down last year, you told him off. But it's the truth, I do drag down the people who are around me, and you don't need that in your life. Maybe that's why I pushed you away, because I was afraid to hurt you, maybe that's why when things started to get rough and Ryan offered an escape I took it... because I know how much trouble I can be, and if there's anyone I don't want to see me go through that, it's you._

_Kill me while I still believe that you were meant for me; you will always have my heart, never doubt that for one second. How could you not? You were the one who got through, you were the only one who fought to never change it, you accepted me for me, there's no one else I could trust it with._

_I'm finding my own words, my own little stage, my own epic drama, my own scripted page. I'll send you the rough draft, I'll seal it with tears, maybe you'll read it and I'll reappear. From the start it was shaky and the characters rash, a nice setting for heartache where emotions come last, all I had deep inside to overcome this desire, are friendly intentions and fair weather smiles: I never meant to hurt you. I know I did and I know I hurt you a lot, you tried to hide it but you always could see right through me and me through you; that's what you always said... I saw the pain in your eyes that night, it killed me, I didn't want to hurt you, I never did, I hope one day I'll be able to see you in person and apologize for everything. You changed me, you showed me a different world, I just wasn't ready to face it..._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Marissa_

Elizabeth looked over at her daughter, she couldn't believe what she had read, she was about to comment when Alex's stereo caught her attention, something the singer was saying, she waited to see if she'd heard right. And then she heard it; _"sorry if I'm not prepared, is it hard to see the things you substitute for me and all those thoughts of you, it's eating me alive to leave you, maybe it's childish and maybe it's wrong, but so is your blank stare in lieu of this song..."_

She shook herself out of it and looked back down to see her daughter's eyes meeting hers, she could see the unshed tears Alex still held, "I'm so sorry honey."

Alex shrugged from her position on the bed, "not much to be sorry for I guess." Alex saw the puzzled look her mother gave her and explained, "she cared about me a lot, but even though she cared she still couldn't fight for us, she couldn't even tell me any of that." She finished as she pointed to the letter.

"Maybe she didn't know how," her mother tried to reason.

"Maybe... but if she cared that much about me and us why couldn't she just tell me she was afraid?"

Elizabeth looked at her daughter, feeling her heart ache when she saw how lost the girl in front of her looked, "I don't know... but if there's one thing that's obvious is that she really didn't want to see you go, maybe she just felt she would hurt you in the long run..." Elizabeth shrugged lightly, she didn't know what to say at this point, she began to get up, "maybe you should call her..."

Alex's eyes went wide as she bolted up to look at her mother, "what?"

"Maybe you should call her, she obviously wanted you to find the letter, maybe she thought you'd find it sooner rather than later, maybe it would do you some good..."

Alex just looked at her mother, she didn't know what to think, part of her wanted to jump at the occasion, but the part of her heart that was still hurting was telling her she shouldn't.

Elizabeth looked around her daughter's room seeing the time she remembered why she was in the house in the first place; "just think about it alright?" She waited until Alex nodded before she continued on, "good. Josh called by the way, he tried reaching you at home and on your cell but you never picked up, he called your dad who called me to check the house because he couldn't get out of a meeting, he says you're needed at the bar."

Alex looked over at the clock quickly realizing how late it was, "SHIT!" She jumped up and ran to the bathroom to take a quick shower and get ready, thoughts of the letter and calling Marissa pushed to recesses of her mind for the time being. She'd already spent five hours sitting there think about it, and her mind was still numb from it all, the shower would help wash it away for the time being and work would keep her mind occupied until she returned home.

Elizabeth had just reached the bottom of the stairs when she heard Alex slam the bathroom door shut, and then hearing it quickly open again followed by a; "thanks mum!" Before hearing it shut once again. She shook her head as she went towards the kitchen. Looking down in her hand she saw she was still holding the letter, she read it once again, wondering what the girl could possibly be like.

From everything she'd heard and now read she couldn't imagine the girl being anything like Jodie and she was happy about that at least, but she wondered what the girl was like... she had obviously changed her daughter's world. She sighed as she set off to make herself a cup of tea, as much as the idea of her daughter being with another woman still bothered her slightly, there was a part of her that hoped the two would figure things out.

From the looks of things, they were both great influences on each other's lives, and as a mother that's all she could hope for.

* * *

Marissa and Summer had spent the last hour and a half driving along and talking, it felt good for them to finally get back in touch and actually talk like they used to, the ride was filled with laughs along with a few serious moments, but things had been smooth for the most part.

They'd arrive at the hotel and checked in getting themselves set before deciding they should go walk around and find some place to eat. They'd decided that once they were done they should head out and check out the club the band was playing at the next day.

It was a little past nine when Marissa and Summer had finally made it to the club, they'd gone back to get the car after diner and the two were now walking towards the doors to be let in; the girls made their way in without any trouble and took a few minutes to look around.

"This place looks amazing doesn't it Coop?" Summer turned and watched her friend as she nodded.

"Yea... there's something about it... I don't know what though."

Summer smiled, she knew what it was, she knew that there was a certain blonde girl in the building that was making Marissa feel that something. "Well! We've got the whole night ahead of us to figure that out! Come on, go grab us a seat and I'll go get us a drink."

Marissa nodded, "I'll head that way," the taller girl said as she pointed to the left.

Summer agreed and the two set off, as the shorter brunette reached the bar, she quickly scanned the area to see if she could spot Alex, and there she was, just in front of her. Summer took a few seconds to observe the girl, she seemed to be okay, she was talking with one of the customers, she was smiling, but as the blonde turned towards Summer, the girl could see the smile never reached her eyes, and when the two focussed on each other the brunette saw the flash of pain that flittered across her eyes.

"Summer?" The blonde in question asked.

"Hi," Summer shyly replied.

"Holy... I mean... HI! How are you? Are you here alone... wait, why are you here?"

"Woah calm down with the questions Blondie!" Summer and Alex shared a small smile, "I'm good, could be better, I'm not here alone, and well, I'm here because I'm not alone..."

Summer could see the walls starting to build up, it was hard to miss, but even a blind man could have seen Alex's walls shooting up as she understood what Summer was saying in point two seconds.

"Marissa," it was the name she had barely spoken since she'd come back, it hurt her too much to even think the name. She couldn't believe it, after all these months, it was coming back, it was some sick karmic joke; first with the previous weekends confessions, and then this morning with the letter. Her need to run almost over-whelmed her, but as she watched Summer shuffle around nervously she felt herself bolted to the ground.

Summer looked around nervously, "yea... look, she doesn't know why we're here, or that you're even here, but, she's been through a lot and I really think seeing you would help her... she's not the same girl from the bonfire. And from the looks of it, you need to see her too."

Alex glared at the shorter girl, she had no right to come here, she had no right to put all of this on her when she was finally starting to get over what happened. "I'm sorry she's been through a lot, but it's no longer my responsibility. Get Ryan to help her out. Now I don't want to sound rude, because I've never had anything against you, but I think it would be best if you took her with you and you both left and went somewhere else."

Summer raised an eyebrow, "you're saying you don't care about her anymore?" She placed her hands on her hips. This was her Coop, and Alex was the last piece of the puzzle. She'd go rage blackout if she needed to.

Alex sighed, "no. I'm saying that, it's not for me to pick up the pieces. I had enough of my own after she stole my heart and then broke it."

It was barely visible, barely audible, but Summer could hear the pain in the girl's voice, she couldn't say she blamed her, of course not, what her friend had done to her was horrible, but Summer never once doubted the feelings the two had for each other.

Before she could reply though, she saw Alex tense up as the girl looked up, she looked in the direction the blonde was looking in and there she was, Marissa. Summer internally smacked her forehead as she saw her plan combust. This was going to take a lot more work now.

"A... Alex?" Marissa stated, even though it came out as a question.

"I can't do this," the blonde murmured, "hey Josh!" She yelled to the older man who had joined her behind the bar when the crowd had gotten bigger, he turned around.

"Yea?"

"I need to get out of here, I'm sorry."

The older man looked confused, it wasn't like Alex to up and leave, especially when they were this busy, he turned around to see what could have upset his manager and all he could see was a tiny brunette, who actually did seem scary and as he looked up, he saw her too; he saw the cause of Alex's torment.

He'd never even seen a picture of the girl, but he could tell it was her, from the slight description he'd gathered from Alex and her father, to the fact that the girl who stood on the other side was clearly emanating the vibe that was to be expected of someone in her situation.

He simply nodded, "it's okay, take care of yourself and say hi to your folks for me."

The blonde nodded and then jumped over the bar quickly moving past Summer and Marissa without another word.

Marissa was stunned into silence, she felt like an eighteen-wheeler had just rammed into her, she couldn't breathe, and then she felt it. She looked down and she saw a hand grasping her arm.

* * *

"COME ON COOP!" The shorter girl yelled over the music as she pulled on Marissa's arm.

"Where are we going Sum? And... why was Alex here... did you know?"

"Follow now. Explain later," where the only stern words out of Summer's mouth.

Marissa stayed quiet and let herself be dragged as she was still too shocked to fully comprehend what was going on.

Both girls made it outside in time to see Alex approaching her Jeep. Summer made a run for it, well, as fast as she could in her heels and pushed Marissa to the passenger side of the car once they reached the Mini Cooper, as she made her way towards the driver's side.

Both girls got in and Summer looked over, seeing her friend entirely unfocussed, she turned back and looked to see where Alex was at. She had looked over just in time to see her pull out of the parking lot. She gunned it and started to follow the blonde girl. _"I've been hanging with Seth for too long..."_ she thought to herself as she realized she was doing exactly what Seth would have done. She was being stealth... and stalking. _"Normal me would have gone rage-blackout until she decided to listen. Note to self; more rage-blackout, less stealth."_

Marissa was completely lost in thought; she wasn't paying attention to where they were going or what she was seeing outside her window, the only constant thought being Alex. She couldn't even bother to think of asking what was going on, the name, the girl and the emotions that Alex had always brought out in her were the only thing going through her mind as her friend drove them speedily around.

Summer stopped the car when she saw the blonde pull up at a gas station. She watched as not only her ex-boyfriend's, but also her best friend's ex made her way into the convenience store attached. She turned to look at her best friend who clearly still hadn't clued into what was going on.

"Ok Coop," Summer started. As she looked at the taller girl waiting for any sign that Marissa was indeed paying attention. When she realized the girl was still lost in her own world, she tried again, "Coop?" Nothing. She placed her hand on her friend's shoulder and slightly shook her, "COOP!"

Marissa was startled when she felt her body being shaken, "huh?" She looked around and took in her surroundings. "Sum... where are we?"

Summer sighed relieved that she finally managed to gain the brunettes attention. Before she began, she glanced back over noticing the blonde still hadn't come out yet. She turned back and looked at her friend. "Ok, Coop, here's the deal. Seth and I tracked Alex down, she's working at the club we went to, but obviously you know that since you were there too when Blondie over there took off after seeing you for the first time in like what? Four? Five? Six months now?"

It was a rhetorical question, but Marissa answered anyway, "four months, one week, four days and," she glanced at her watch, "couple of hours."

Summer was bewildered but shook herself out of it; they had no time to lose over Marissa's crazy time-keeping skills. "Ok, SO not the point! What I'm saying is, we tracked her down and we decided the two of you really needed to talk. It might be our biggest, and maybe most horribly ending meddling event, but if anything you SURE as hell need it Coop! I mean, you've become a zombie. I know you've been getting things back together and that's great and I love you for it, but let's face it, you still don't have that shine in your eyes. So honestly, I don't care what you have to say, I'm following Alex until she stops... where ever it is Blondie is going to... and then I will rage-blackout on your ass until you talk to her."

Marissa looked at her as if she was insane. "That's right; you are going to talk to her. I will push you out that door myself if I have to! I will, tie down Blondie if she even begins to consider running again, because honey I am in the wrong shoes to follow miss surfer. And if all that doesn't work. I'm locking you both up in a room, with no windows, no escape hatch, only you, her, and the door I will be guarding. You will talk. Open up to her, tell her what happened then. If I remember what you said about her, she will understand, and who knows, maybe the two of you even have a chance."

Summer caught her breath and looked at her friend. "So, what do you say?"

Marissa looked out the window then back to Summer, "I say if you want me to do this, you might need to learn a few more stalker tips from Seth." Summer looked at her confused, so Marissa simply pointed out the window.

* * *

"OH SHIT!" Summer turned the engine back on and quickly sped out to catch up to the Jeep that was already a few blocks ahead.

It wasn't a long drive after the gas station, maybe five minutes, but those five minutes had killed Marissa, she was trying to figure out what she was feeling, she knew Summer was right though. She knew she had slowly been destroying her life, she'd come to terms with that over the last week, she had tried, she had tried really hard over the last week to get things back on track, but she knew Summer was right.

Things did feel different, she did feel better, her and her mum were on better terms, her and Summer were good again, she was trying to get her school work together, she had ended things with Ryan knowing staying with him would only lead her further into a path of destruction.

Most importantly, she realized this might be her last chance with Alex... she knew if the blonde gave her a chance they could work things out, and she knew if she Alex by her side she really could stay on track and truly get her life under control.

By the time those thoughts entered her mind, she felt the car stop once again, except this time when she looked out, she noticed they were parked in front of a gorgeous two story house. It wasn't as big as the houses the girls were used to seeing in Newport, but it was still impressive without being too much.

The house had a big front porch with a couch, blue window trimmings, what seemed to be a big yard in the back; you could tell that was a home. She then saw the driveway, there was a garage there, but only one car was parked out, _"Alex's Jeep..."_

She then saw the blonde get out of the car slowly. It was as if she was carrying the world on her shoulders. She watched as the girl she loved slowly closed the door and leaned her forehead against the car.

Before Summer even had the chance to turn around and push her out the door, she had unbuckled her seatbelt, opened the door and slammed it shut.

Summer looked on with a smirk, Marissa had always been the stubborn type, she never really opened up much, she had always tried to wash her worries away by drowning it all in alcohol or anything else that would allow her to temporarily forget. But the shorter brunette had seen Marissa truly take notice, for the first time, of what her life had become. She knew that Marissa finally grasped how big this really was.

As much as it would kill Marissa to do what she was about to do, Marissa was still a fighter, she knew what she wanted and she damn well tried to get it if she could. And if she couldn't... she fought. That's what the taller girl had been doing all week, she'd been making amends and taking the steps she needed to, to get things under control, and Summer knew this was the last one. She watched as her friend made her way towards the blonde girl.

* * *

She had finally made it home, she felt drained, emotionally, physically, she didn't know how she could go on, not like this, she hated knowing she'd ran away. Maybe Marissa had wanted to apologize, to talk. Alex laughed to herself; she had a hard time believing that herself even if Summer had told her the girl had changed.

She had been working so hard lately trying to get everything back together for herself and the seconds her eyes connected with the ones of the girl she loved, she had felt everything crumble. As she pushed herself off the car and started to head towards the house she heard a car door slam shut; she didn't particularly care at the moment; that was until she heard footsteps getting closer. She turned around.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, clearly annoyed that the two girls had followed her. She didn't want to deal with this, not now, not when she already felt like she was going to lose it all.

"I want to talk to you." Marissa replied, trying to stay as calm as she humanly could. She'd decided in the last moments that she needed to do this. She needed to do it for herself; she needed to finally come forth with the one thing that felt real to her. She also needed to do it for Alex, if anything, after everything the blonde had done for her, she deserved the truth.

"Marissa. Look, I don't want to hear any of it okay. I can't do this." Alex said as she started to turn around fighting a fleeting range of emotions going from, pain, to anger, to hope, to happy-ness. She was finally seeing the girl who'd meant the world to her, the girl who ultimately destroyed her world.

"Look. I came here because I wanted to talk, if you still want me gone once I'm done, fine, at least I'll have tried." Marissa said, she didn't want to snap, she didn't want to sound angry at the blonde, but she desperately needed to talk to Alex. She knew if she didn't do it now when she was determined, it may never happen again.

Sighing in frustration, Alex decided to give this a shot; after all, Marissa had said she'd leave afterwards if she wanted her to. "Okay fine. What is it? What do you want after four months Marissa?" _"Four months, one week, four days and," _Alex mirrored Marissa's movements earlier as she checked her watch, _"and a couple of hours."_

Marissa took a deep breath, she had figured out that she wanted to talk to her... she just didn't know how to go about it, that's when the words slipped out, "ask me again." 


	11. Chapter Seven: Hearbeats

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

"_Ask me again."_

"What?"

"Ask me again."

"Ask you what?" she said, confusion and a slight hint of anger mixed in her voice.

"Ask me again, what you asked me, the night of the show, when I came to you? The night you changed my life. The night that made everything seem right. The night you made me feel like I finally mattered?" She replied, holding back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"What are you talking about?" she didn't want to open up old wounds. She couldn't do that to herself. She had been working so long and so hard to protect her heart from this girl. She didn't want to know, but deep down, she knew what Marissa was asking her.

Marissa stepped closer, wanting to be as close to Alex as she could without scaring the other girl off. "I want you, to ask me again, what I'm doing with you."

"Why? What's that goi..."

"Just. Please, if it's ever meant anything to you, and I know it did, can you just... ask me?"

Sighing she resigned, figuring it would be easier to block out the girl's voice then to keep on fighting. At least this way she wouldn't hear the voice that used to make her heart skip beats once this conversation would be over. "Fine... what are you doing with me?"

Seeing the pain flicker, however briefly, in Alex's eyes, Marissa wanted, needed to let the blonde know that this was leading somewhere, she needed Alex to know she wasn't messing around; "truth?" she questioned cautiously.

Rolling her eyes Alex merely replied; "of course I want the truth," she sighed in frustration, "isn't that what this is all about?" She was starting to get angry that the girl was not only opening up wounds she didn't want to see re-surface, but that she also seemed to be taking her time and dragging things at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Seriously Marissa, if this is just some stupid ploy... you have NO idea what you did to me when you let me walk away. If you're back trying to come up with some lame apology because your mum is pissing you off, or because Ryan left and now you need someone else to fill in the vacant spot... just... just save it. I don't need any more bullshit coming from you."

The emotions were starting to be too much, there was only so much she could handle and after having read that letter that morning, now being in the taller girl's presence, it was becoming over-whelming. She hadn't meant for her words to come out sounding so harsh, but it was either that, or a heavy stream of tears: and she was too tired of crying, this girl standing before her had hurt more than she had ever been hurt before. She couldn't let it happen again, she wouldn't; she ran a shaky hand through her hair as she let out a breath, she didn't think she could handle it.

Marissa watched on, with tears in her eyes as she saw just how hurt the other girl was, all she wanted to do was make everything better. She wanted to go back to that night, the night of the bonfire, she wanted to make things right with Alex. Make it up to her, she had never been as happy as she had been with her.

Here she was now, over forty miles from home, and the girl she loved, the only person that had ever made her feel alive, was hurting for the second time, because of her. She knew she owed Alex not only an apology, but one that could hopefully make things okay between them.

After all this time apart, she'd come to realize just how badly she'd messed up and just how much she both needed and wanted the blonde in her life; "Alex just, please, this isn't bullshit..." Marissa pleaded with the girl.

Alex looked the girl over as she spoke, she didn't want to admit it, but she could tell that see Marissa was trying to get something out, "_this better be damn well worth it,"_ "ok, go."

Sighing, Marissa started her well over-do speech; "the night of the bonfire, when we sat down, you have no idea how much more I wanted to tell you; but I was afraid, and I let my fear of what others would think of me stop me from saying all I really wanted to say, and I shouldn't have. You, of all people, did not deserve to be hurt. I had no right to hurt you the way I know I did.

God! I was scared of everything that was going on inside of me. I didn't know how to handle anything anymore, and there you were, sitting there, waiting for me to fight for you, and I couldn't... I bailed out on us.

You have to know Alex," she poke the name softly as she took a step forward, "you were so... good. You filled me with life and hope, you made me want to be a better person. And I was trying... I was trying so hard to be that, to not start going down the wrong road again...

But after I moved in, everything... everything was going so fast, and I got scared I wouldn't be all you deserved, so when the night of the bonfire came around, I caved... I went down the road you had taken me off of, the one I had been so used to travelling. I was feeling so lost, Alex."

Tears were starting to make their way in both girls eyes, "I know it's probably too late, I mean, not only did I not come after you, but it took me this long to come fight for you now. But I knew, I knew all along that I had to do this, I had to try; and if anything else, you at least deserved to know why I didn't do anything more for us.

That night when everything came up, my so called feelings for Ryan, the fact that we didn't fit into each other's lives, my mother... God... I am so sorry, so sorry I didn't fight back." Marissa let out with a chocked sob, by then,

By then, a slow, yet steady stream, was making its way down her cheeks and she could see Alex was holding back. She knew she needed to make this quick because it was only a matter of time before the other girl would leave knowing she wouldn't want to show how much pain she was in.

"At that point, where we were, I had never felt anything like that, for anyone, nothing had ever been that strong, it was so hard to come to terms with it all, to realize just how much I needed you. You know," the taller girl chanced a glance at the blonde who's head was turned away, "ever since Ryan had shown up in Newport, and our... whatever you want to call what we had started, it was always 'Ryan and Marissa will find their way together, they're meant to be,' but I never even really believed that.

I thought I did, I thought I loved him, I really did, but then you showed up, you came in... and I knew that from the first time I met you, that I needed to do whatever I could to know you. There was just something about you, something that I couldn't help but be drawn to.

That night we met, bad circumstances were what led us to talk, to get to know each other but I will forever be grateful. After that, well, you know what happened between us, it really was the most amazing time I've ever had.

I felt so good with you Alex, I felt like I deserved to be happy for once in my life, I felt like I wasn't messing everything up. You made me feel so special; no one had ever done that, I mean, my dad somewhat, but he never got me feeling as great as you did. I mattered for once; someone needed me as much as I needed them. And that's, that's what terrified me.

I'd found something real, something that if I lost would be the end of me. I stopped drinking when I was with you, well... at least drinking alone. You got me to stop trying to drown out this crappy thing called life because for once I felt good."

There was no holding back anymore, by now Marissa was crying full heartedly, she'd waited so long to tell the girl of her dreams why she had done what she had, to let the girl in fully. "You know, when the bonfire came around, after you and I had talked, I felt hurt that you said you were going to go back. But I thought it'd be for the best. I kept telling myself that maybe the way things are supposed to be.

To be honest though, I was lying to myself, I was only trying to not let myself hurt. I thought maybe Ryan really was my 'supposed to be.' And then, you actually walked away, you called your boys off and apologized to Ryan; something he wouldn't have done. Then you walked... you walked away and I left with Ryan. We lit the bonfire, spent the night with Seth and Summer close by, but deep down though, there was an ache that I could already feel... I didn't want to let you go, I never wanted you to. I tried to hide what I was feeling from myself.

I started drinking again, I started seeing Ryan again. I don't know what I was thinking, I guess, I figured people had to know what was best for me. Everyone had always told me how to act, they couldn't be wrong about this right? How could they be wrong about Ryan? No one really knew about you and me.. Summer did, Seth did, Ryan did... urgh, and my mother did, but no one else really

That was wrong of me and I really am sorry. I thought being with Ryan would make things okay, but then I realized that for the first time ever, that no one could ever make feel the way that you made me feel. No one in this crazy 'society' knew what was right for me. How could they? They didn't know the real me, they only knew me the way that I presented to them. I was always good at putting up a front; I'd been doing it for so long you know? But then, I realized all these fronts weren't doing anything other than hiding the real me, the part of me that was the only thing I felt good about: the part of me that loved you..."

She heard Alex's breathe catch, she couldn't look up at her. Not now, she wasn't done yet, so before Alex could say anything she kept on, urging her nerves to hold up just a little bit longer. "I was a coward back then, I was a really big coward Alex, and I was confused about everything that was going on in my head, in my heart, in my soul.

My head didn't know straight from gay, my heart was aching and my soul, my soul died when you left because you took away my reason to fight, you were my everything, I can't believe it took the guy who would take me away from you to finally realize everything.

Things eventually got better and I knew I needed to find you, I needed to do what I should have done that night, I needed to fight for you. Without you, life meant drowning into nothing-ness with an empty bottle of vodka a day, until one day it would be too much and I wouldn't be around to fight anymore. The day I realized everything I'd done wrong, I knew I had to stop trying to drink myself to death. I couldn't let myself do that anymore, because of you. You were the one who gave me hope, and I couldn't let the alcohol wash that away.

Alex, you have to know that I regret that night because that was the night that I let the only thing that mattered go away; I don't want to make the same mistake twice, I am so sorry I have ever hurt you, I can still see the pain in your eyes, and I wish there was something I could do to take it all back, but I don't think there is... There is only one thing I can offer you though; I'm not asking for forgiveness because I don't deserve it... but if by some miracle you tell me you're willing to give me another chance, I will make sure to show you everyday how much I love you, how much you mean to me, and I won't let the rest of the world ever decide for me again. I will fight for you every day, love you more each day and show the world how madly in love I am with you; Alex Kelly, a girl."

Both were in tears at this point, neither having known this was going to turn into such a long speech, knew what to do. Marissa, thinking she'd said or done too much, took the reins, "look, I'm sorry," she said as she wiped away her tears, "I'll leave if you want, I just... I needed you to know. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you and having never fought for you, much longer. Besides, you at least deserved to know the truth because it was never about Ryan..."

She slowly moved to turn around and she was about to take her first steps towards the car when she felt a familiar hand reach up and take hold of her wrist, "wait," it was a quiet whisper, barely audible, but in the silence that had built around the pair allowed, Marissa heard it loud and clear. "Don't go." It was simple, two words, but those two words in that moment were making Marissa's heart beat both faster and slower at the same time.

Marissa turned back around slowly and looked to the blonde who was standing before her still holding onto her wrist, she hadn't looked at the girl she loved in a while and as she saw her, her heart, if at all possible, ached even more. The girl she had been so used to seeing as a strong and calm individual, looked hurt, broken and was in more tears then Marissa knew possible. Yet she could detect a glimmer of hope, a shimmer of chance, but maybe she was just imagining that last one. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her after all of the emotional roller coaster she'd been on that night.

It was so hard for the blonde to speak, her voice thick with emotion, but after all that Marissa had unveiled for her, she willed herself to find the strength and the words to speak to the girl who stood before her. "Marissa, everything you've said... it doesn't fix what happened between us," she watched as those mossy greens dropped to the ground, she could tell the girl was trying to brace herself for the oncoming bad news.

She was so caught up in her thoughts she hadn't realize that Alex was now facing her completely looking at her intently. "But I think that was by far the single greatest apology and love declaration put together. Look, things between us, they were messed up, I mean everything was great and I don't regret anything at all but I feel like we skipped a lot of steps and when you let me go that night, I don't think I've ever felt that much pain in my life.

I'd never loved anyone enough to actually feel that kind of pain when things went sour, and I don't think I'm ready to ever feel that again. But Marissa, I'd be a fool in I said I didn't feel it anymore. I still do feel for you," Alex could now see the glimmer of hope reflected in Marissa's eyes, "but if we're going to try and give us another chance, we need to do this right."

Marissa looked up finally meeting the blonde's eyes, she could still see the sadness in them but there was something else, it was something close to the look Alex had given her before, when things were good between them, "wh... what do you mean right?" She questioned trying not to choke on her words.

Alex took a deep breath, there was a part of her that wanted to hate Marissa for everything she had done to hurt her but there was a bigger part of her that simply wanted to take the girl in her arms and kiss her as she twirled her around. There had been so much hurt between them, but as she looked in Marissa's eyes, she could see through the girl, the way Marissa had let her when they started out, before the brunette had started to shut her out. There was something there, she knew the girl before her was being serious and knew just how real things were between them.

She flashed the girl her first reassuring smile of the night as she dropped her hand lower so she could take hold of the brunette's hand, "I mean what we had was real, it really was and it was great and fun, but Marissa if you really want to do this again, it needs to be more, I'd want for us to not rush things, go slow, date, cause we both know we never did before."

Marissa's heart was swelling with happiness, this was it, this was what she wanted, "God Alex, you have no idea how much that means to me," she spoke as a happy tear made its way down her cheek, "there really isn't anything that I'd want more."

Alex looked at the girl seeing the happiness that was now radiating from her and as she saw the tear, it was as if instinct was kicking in, she reached up with her free hand so she could wipe it away, "really? You're sure about this?" She asked cautiously, she knew that once the two stepped into this, there was no going back, not this time, never again. This was it for Alex, and she was hoping with everything she had that it would be for Marissa as well.

"Well, I have a feeling that going slow is going to kill me, but you're it for me Alex... I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it..."

Alex shook her head stopping the girl, "you figured it out, that's all that matters and I'm sorry I pushed too fast back then," the two just stared into the other's eyes for a little while, Alex could tell there was a heaviness in Marissa's eye's that hadn't been there when she left and she wondered what it was, she could only hope the girl would share with her in due time, but for now, they had each other to focus on, "and for the record, it's going to kill me too."

Marissa gave Alex a confused look before the blonde explained, "taking things slow," her heart was still heavy as was the atmosphere, but she knew that had to do with everything that was still lingering between them and as much as it all needed to be addressed she wanted to try and lift their spirits a little, she knew it had been a long time since she'd felt this happy and she knew Marissa felt the same, "just be happy I didn't ask you to court me," she added with a slight smirk.

Marissa knew what Alex was doing and she was appreciative of it, she smiled at the blonde, "you know I would if you asked," the brunette said.

Alex smiled at the girl, she was trying to picture it, it simply wasn't working, no matter how hard she tried it wasn't working, the visuals were either too bizarre or improbable, "yea okay, I want you to court me," the blonde replied with a slight smile as she rolled her eyes.

"Okay," Marissa agreed quietly knowing Alex hadn't meant it but she was wanting to all the same.

Alex's eyes quickly found Marissa's slightly widened in shock, "what?"

"Well, we're going slow anywho, and I told you I wanted to show you just how much you mean to me... why not?" Marissa replied.

"Because I was joking? Because courting means going even slower than slow..." Alex explained slightly frantic at the thought.

Marissa shrugged, "oh well, my mind's made up," the brunette replied cheekily, she felt the heaviness between them as well but she was glad that they could fall back into their pleasant banter, it was something she missed terribly, she just felt at ease with the blonde, an ease no one else could make her feel.

"Urgh... why did I open my big mouth?" Alex grunted as she still held onto the brunette's hand, her other hand had made its journey down Marissa's arm and was now resting on her hip, Alex realized just how much she'd missed just holding Marissa, the way the two fit together was a reassurance that they really were made for each other."

"Because it's you?" Marissa offered with a crooked smirk.

Alex gasped a fake sense of shock, she was about to retort when her eyes met Marissa's and all she saw was love, she smiled faintly as her eyes then traveled down slightly looking at the crooked smile, she leaned in, she wanted so badly to kiss the girl who had let her take off a few months prior, she had missed the taste of her lips, the feel of their two bodies close together and seeing that crooked smile had made her reach her limit.

Marissa had caught on though, and decided it was only fair to play along; she held up two fingers and placed them on Alex's lips. It killed her to not kiss her, God Alex had been the one to lean forward, she had the physical proof that they both wanted it, and if Alex's desire was anything like hers, she knew just how desperate she was to feel the girl she loved all over. But, even though it was meant as a joke, she had been asked to court the blonde; kissing would break those rules.

Mumbling against the fingers pressed against her lips Alex tried to speak, "wwhaat ree yuu doiing?"

Marissa couldn't help it as serious as they had been only moments ago, the situation they were in now made her laugh lightly, she removed her fingers from Alex's lips. "I'm following orders." When she saw Alex's confused look she elaborated, "you asked me to court you. I can't kiss you yet. There are rules to courting you know?"

"Oh come on!" Alex said as a small pout made its way on her lips. As much as there was nothing more she wanted, she couldn't help but feel happy at the thought that Marissa really wanted to go as slow as needed in order for them to be okay with each other, for their relationship to have a foundation they could last on.

"You know, it kills me just as much as you hon, but you're the one who made this game up, I'm only living up to your expectations." She held out her hand, Alex looked at it confused before she looked back up to the taller girl. Marissa merely shook her hand slightly indicating she was waiting for a handshake.

Alex sighed in agreement and reached out taking hold of the brunette's hand. Their agreement was solid, and both girls could feel that their handshake only solidified their renewed relationship. Both had felt the jolt and heat that had traveled through their bodies at the close contact.

As the lingering sensation allowed them to realize they had both made the right decisions they stared into each other's eyes, desperate to be swallowed all over again by the pair of eyes that captured their souls earlier on that year.

Alex broke the silence after a few more moments, "you know you've beaten every expectation I've ever had Marissa, you're more than I ever imagined. I love you too you know," the blonde spoke quietly, she wanted to make sure the brunette knew that, throughout her speech Marissa had let Alex know more than once just how much she felt for her, and she wanted to make sure the brunette knew she loved her as well.

* * *

Summer sat in her car parked across the street, she hadn't been able to tell what was said between the two but seeing her best friend practically jump the blonde and hug her like there was no tomorrow was reassurance enough that her's and Seth's plan had worked, she smiled through the tears that had formed as she'd watched her best friend tell Alex how she felt. She knew the two would work past everything they'd put each other through and hopefully they would make it this time, because as she watched them both she realized there was no one better out there for her Coop, no one who made her light up the way Alex did, and from the looks of things, there was no one better out there for Alex either.


	12. Chapter Eight: Return To Me

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

Alex was still coming to terms with the fact that Marissa truly did seem serious about what she was saying. It was hard for her to focus considering the effect that came along with seeing her long legged brunette.

Marissa was enjoying simply being in Alex's calming presence once more, all of her worries, all of the trouble that had been piling up over the last few months seemed to dissipate with the blonde's arms wrapped tightly around her.

Alex didn't want the moment to end but her eyes finally caught sight of the car parked across the street and she saw the feisty little brunette sitting there. She smiled at the girl before her eyes met Marissa's once more. The girl's smile seemed to brighten at the sight of the brunette who had her own arms wrapped around her neck.

"Summer's in the car," she spoke quietly.

Marissa looked at the girl confused before realization finally hit, "OH CRAP!" She quickly unwrapped her arms from around Alex's neck and squirmed out of the blonde's hold, immediately feeling a rush of cold air as she ran back to the car.

Alex watched on amused as Summer's face seemed to instantly fill with worry, but before anything else happened, she saw Marissa quickly open the car door as muffled voices travelled back to her ears.

"Oh My God! Sum! I'm so sorry, I forgot you were here!" Marissa quickly explained.

Summer looked at the brunette, "you... you forgot? Is that why you just ran over here like a bat out of hell?"

Marissa nodded, "I'm so sorry I got distracted..."

"Under any different circumstances, I'd be totally mad at you for forgetting about me, you know, your best friend since like, forever, the one who TOTALLY orchestrated this whole little shin dig, BUT seeing as how I just reunited you and your three month long lost lover, I'll forgive you.

Marissa gave the girl a blank look before lunging herself across the seat hugging Summer tightly, "you're the best," was the only quiet mumble that came from her as she squeezed as much as she dared.

"I know," Summer replied as she hugged the girl back. Once they pulled apart, her glance headed downwards as she started playing with her nails, "so, you and Blondie worked things out?" If she hadn't seen the girl's interaction before, the giant grin that Marissa was now wearing would have been a dead give away, "I'm going to take that goofy look as a yes."

Marissa nodded enthusiastically, if someone had told her just a few days ago that she would be this happy today, she'd have laughed in their face, she couldn't believe the amount of joy that came from the simple fact that the blonde girl was hers once more. "Yea, definitely," suddenly, her eyes turned serious, "do you want to leave? I'll go say goodbye and we can go?" As much as Marissa wanted to stay for as long as she possibly could, she was aware of everything Summer had done and didn't want to leave the poor girl sitting in the car for an eternity, plus, now that she had a few seconds to digest everything that had happened, she realized everything was still sinking in.

"I don't want to kill your reunion, but I am a bit tired after the drive and everything..." Summer spoke regretfully. She hadn't seen her best friend this happy in the longest time and she didn't want to be the cause of its loss, but as she looked up, Marissa was beaming.

"Don't worry about it sum! You've done more than you should have for me. You don't mind if I tell Alex we can talk tomorrow?"

"Go ahead, I'll do some scout shopping, you two deserve to catch up, properly," Summer quickly replied.

"You really are the best, " the taller girl spoke as she leaned in for another hug, "be back soon!"

Summer watched as her lifelong friend skipped back over to the blonde who was now leaning her hip on the car watching the two Newport natives from afar.

Marissa came to halt as she reached the grinning blonde, "I hope you're not going to hate me..." she started off before she felt Alex's warm hand on her arm.

"You guys are going to go?" Alex asked slightly disappointed.

Marissa nodded sadly as her eyes stayed focussed on the ground, "but only for now, we're here all weekend. You want to talk tomorrow?"

"Well... that depends, am I going to see you?" Alex asked playfully as she felt a wave of relief wash over her hearing the brunettes weren't leaving just yet. Once Marissa's eyes finally met her's once more she smiled, "great, so much better when you're actually looking at me," the blonde spoke softly, making Marissa lightly blush.

"Yea, you'll see me then, we have lots to talk about..." the brunette's voice slightly trembled as she spoke the last part of her sentence.

Worry quickly etched the slightly shorter girl's face as her hand reached up and cupped the side of the taller girl's face, her thumb slightly going over the smooth expanse of Marissa's cheek bone. Her eye's searched Marissa's trying to see what had hurt the brunette.

There had been a time during their brief relationship in the past when she could tell what was bothering Marissa, the two had had a hard time keeping their hearts guarded when around the other. But this was dark, whatever was haunting Marissa was darker than she wanted to imagine. "We've got all the time," was her light verbal reassurance as she hoped her touch could help her feel better.

Marissa smiled sadly as she nodded, "I'm sorry again, and well, for now killing the happy feeling we had going on," she offered lightly trying to lighten the mood.

Alex shook her head slightly as her hand dropped down quickly taking hold of Marissa's, "no need to apologize." The two stared at each other a moment longer before Alex decided to break the silence once more, "I think I should let you get back to Summer..."

Marissa laughed lightly, "is it sad I don't really want to go?"

The blonde couldn't help but shake her head, "not really no, I don't really want you to either... but I think it's for the best. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy we talked and you're here, but I think I may need to process a little."

The brunette nodded her understanding, "okay, I'll see you tomorrow then?" She asked waiting for Alex's acknowledgement, and once the shorter girl nodded she squeezed her hand one last time before slowly moving backwards, only letting go of the other girl's hand once the distance was too far.

Marissa let out a sigh as she got in the car looking out the window as Summer started the car and made to drive away, "you okay Coop?" The shorter of the two asked.

Marissa nodded, "yea... I just don't like leaving when we just saw each other again... she makes the pain go away," she spoke the last part so quietly that Summer barely heard her over the quiet hum of the car.

The darker brunette glanced to her right before quietly asking her friend, "you going to tell her?"

Marissa let out another sigh as she looked out the window, her hand lightly reaching and touching the cool feel of the glass, "I'm not going to lie, but I don't want to tell her just yet..."

Summer went back to driving, the two spent the remainder of the drive in silence, only once they reached the hotel parking lot and Summer turned off the ignition did she speak up once again, "look Coop, I understand that, and I'm not saying you need to tell her pronto, but I think she'd get it better than Chino, even though they both have that whole fighting thing... she'll handle it better. I'm sure."

Marissa looked at her friend before she unclipped her seat belt, "I hope you're right Sum."

* * *

Alex had followed the car as long as she could before it went out of her line of sight, she let out a shaky breath finally realizing for the first time the array of emotions she was feeling before moving for the front door. She had barely reached for her keys when the door was yanked open from the inside her parents staring at her wide eyed.

She looked at the quizzically before trying to squeeze by them to get in, "can I help you guys? You're being a little creepy," the youngest Kelly spoke as she shrugged off her coat.

She turned around and saw her parents still staring at her, "okay... if you're taking up a code of silence, I'm leaving." And with that she spun on her heals and started up the hall but before she reached the stairs she heard her father's voice.

"Was that..."

Alex turned around slightly, "yea... that was her."

Upon hearing the words out of her daughter's mouth Elizabeth quickly made her way over and gently rested a hand on the blonde's shoulder, "are you okay sweet cheeks?"

Alex finally spun around completely she looked between both of her parents as a wide grin spread across her face, "I'm better than ever."

As he saw her face, the man's heart lightened, "you're going to stay that way?"

Alex nodded, "yea, we're going to try this again."

Elizabeth glanced back at her husband before she looked back wearily at the girl who had one foot on the stairs, "you sure that's a good idea?"

Alex thought about it for a few seconds, before she nodded, "we still have lot's to talk about, but she apologized, and explained why she did what she did. I'm going to see her tomorrow so we can talk some more, but yea, it's definitely a good idea mum, don't worry."

Dave walked back over to his wife as he placed a comforting arm around her shoulders as the two watched Alex run up the stairs, "she'll be okay."

"I just don't want her to be hurt again," his wife spoke quietly.

"I know, but she'll be okay," the man spoke once more, an affirmative quality taking over his tone of voice.

* * *

Marissa woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing, she lifted her head from under the covers as she tried patting her left hand out on the night stand trying to find the offending object. She heard a grumble come from the other side of the room where Summer lay underneath her own pile of blankets, something that sounded an awful lot like; "Coop pick up that damn phone before I put it where you won't like."

The brunette rolled her eyes as her hand finally caught the object she'd been looking for. She didn't even bother moving as she pressed to answer moving the phone to her ear as she snuggled back into bed, "ello?" she answered tiredly.

The only sound coming from the other end was a laugh that made her smile bright even in her still semi-comatose state, "_hey, I'm sorry I woke you_," Alex's voice came through.

The brunette yawned as she sat up, attempting to move so Summer wouldn't throw something at her throughout the conversation, "nothing to be sorry about," the brunette took one look at the clock as she moved towards the bathroom, quietly shutting the door, "but what are you doing up at like eight?"

"_Old habit that came back when I moved back," _Alex explained.

Marissa quirked a brow as she jumped to sit on the counter, "really? The Alex Kelly I knew was never up before ten," Marissa replied with a light laugh.

"_I meant habit from when I used to live here; I'd always be up at six, out of the house by six thirty to go surfing, back by seven thirty to get ready for school, out of the house by eight thirty," _Marissa could hear the girl laugh lightly, "_when I moved out I didn't surf as much, so I slept, but I got back and old habits just set in."_

Marissa was shocked, "why the hell were you up before sunrise?"

Alex laughed once more, "_I told you surfing, at first it was just what I did in the morning, but when things started getting too much around the house, it was my escape..." _as she spoke, Alex realized just how much she'd missed Marissa, it wasn't with everyone that she could speak about what had gone down before she left, let alone speak about it with ease.

"I'm sorry Alex," Marissa offered sincerely, "but things are okay now though right?" She asked afraid that maybe things weren't all that great and that Alex was trying to escape once again.

"_Oh yea, everything's fine now I just started surfing a lot more again that's all," _Alex explained reassuringly.

"Good, well, I'm glad I mean."

"_Me too,"_ Alex replied, there was a short moment of silence yet it wasn't uncomfortable, "_right! So, I called you this early because I got called into work early, well, not like right now early but with the show tonight they need me there to make a final check on everything so I was wondering if you maybe wanted to talk now? We could go get breakfast?"_ The blonde asked in a rush, slightly afraid of being turned down.

Marissa couldn't help but smile at Alex's seemingly nervous attitude, "that'd be great Alex," she replied as she hopped off the counter, spinning around, she caught sight of herself in the mirror, "oh my God!"

"_What?" _Came Alex's worried voice through the phone, "_are you okay?"_

"Uh... yea, but my hair's not, can we go eat in like... half an hour?"

"_I'm sure you..."_

"Don't even try, you know you can't change my mind," Marissa quickly cut off the other girl knowing what the blonde was about to say.

Alex sighed, "_yea, you're right, okay well, I need to get dressed myself so, I guess half an hour's fine," _she replied with an over-exaggerated mocking tone, "_where are you guys staying? I'll come pick you up."_

"I thought I was supposed to do all that," Marissa said.

"_Yea, but I figure Summer's going to need her car so! I'll come get you," _Alex replied happily, "_you know I don't mind."_

Marissa bit her lip as she tried to stop the smile that was threatening to show, "I know, um we're staying at the Best Western."

"_The one close to the bar I work at?"_

"Yea I think that's the one," Marissa replied trying to think back yesterday's route.

"_Oh cool, you're not far, I'll be there by eight forty-five is that okay?" _The other girl asked.

"Yea that's great," Marissa replied happily.

"_Perfect! See you soon!"_

"Yea, see you soon Alex," the second she heard the other line go dead Marissa squealed as she goofily grinned at her phone. This was proving to be a great morning. She looked up and saw her reflection once again, she let out a sigh as she quickly rushed around the bathroom starting up a shower so she could get ready.

About twenty minute later she came out of the bathroom hair tied back in a messy bun as she searched around the room frantically trying to find clothes to wear, she didn't hear Summer moving about until she heard the feisty brunette speak up, "Coop, what in God's name are you doing up and about at eight thirty-five? I'm sure the people in the next three rooms are awake."

Marissa's eyes grew wide as she looked back at the time, "shit! I've only got ten minutes!"

Summer, who was now sitting at the edge of the bed rubbing the sleep from her eyes quietly asked, "ten minutes till what? Till I rage blackout on you?"

"Till Alex get's here!" Marissa hurriedly exclaimed as she found a pair of jeans and threw them on.

"Huh?"

"Alex, she called, she'll be here at forty-five so we can go eat and talk."

"Marissa, I'm not so sure I can support this anymore," Summer blurted.

The taller brunette quickly spun around, "wh...what do... what do you mean you can't support this anymore? I thought you didn't mind me liking girls, and I thought you WANTED me to get back with Alex."

It was Summer's turn to grow shocked, "what? God no Coop! You know I don't give a rat's ass who you date... well, I mean, if you started seeing a chipmunk, I think I'd have a problem with it, but no, nothing to do with Blondie being a girl."

Marissa let out a sigh of relief, "then what is it you can't support?"

"The fact that Blondie's a crazy early riser, you know I need my sleep Coop, you know how I get when people cut into my beauty sleep, you know this means I'm going to have to talk to her about this right?" Summer continued on.

"Oh God, yea sure, that's fine Sum, but can you do that later, I kind need to be dressed in like, five minutes and I don't know what shirt to wear," Marissa quickly spoke as she stood around the room freaking out in only jeans and a bra.

Summer let out a sigh, "what would you do without me?" She asked as she stood up and walked over to the taller girl's suitcase and pulled out a shirt for her to wear, "here this'll be perfect."

Marissa took it out of the shorter girl's hands and smiled, "you're a life saviour!" She exclaimed as she quickly wrapped her arms around the shorter girl hugging her tightly.

"C...Coop, need, need to breath," Summer squeaked out, her hand going up to her chest as she tried to regain her breath as she watched Marissa throw on her shirt, "you don't need to be so nervous Coop, it'll be alright."

"How do you know?" Marissa asked as she moved to sit on the bed as she put on her shoes.

"I just do, trust me and relax, this is Alex we're talking about, you know the girl loves you and knows you, just talk to her and be honest okay?"

Marissa nodded as she tried to calm herself down, "yea... okay, you're right."

"Of course I am! Now go get her!"

And just as Summer's last words left her, Marissa's phone rang again, only this time letting her know she had received a text, a quick glance let her know that Alex had arrived and was waiting for her outside. She flashed Summer a thankful smile before telling her they'd see each other a little later before leaving the room the two were sharing for the weekend.

The blonde was waiting in her car, her fingers, nervously tapping along on her steering wheel, to the beat of the song coming from her iPod. She knew she didn't have to be nervous, but it was hard to not feel somewhat scared and worried that the girl might not show, but just as those thoughts entered her mind, she saw a sight she thought she'd never see again; one of Marissa Cooper happily skipping along the way until she reach the passenger side of her Jeep. Alex leaned over and pushed open the door letting the brunette enter.

The two stared at each other quietly after Marissa closed the door, both feeling the nervousness of the other in the air, Marissa was the first to break the silence, "h... hi," she stuttered out, silently cursing herself for having let her emotions get the best of her.

Alex simply smiled happily, she wanted to respond, but she knew her voice was bound to do exactly what Marissa's had just done and so she felt safest by simply smiling reassuringly.

Marissa appreciated the gesture as she kindly returned it, rapidly getting lost in the blonde's bright blue eyes, feeling time slow down and speed up at the same time. She once again broke the silence that had settled upon them once more, but this time feeling much more comfortable, "so, where we going for breakfast?" She asked quietly.

At that Alex's smile brightened, "that's for me to know and you to find out!" The blonde couldn't help but laugh as she heard the brunette groan.

"No, why, why do you do that?"

"Because it's more fun and I get to see you get all frustrated trying to figure out where we're going."

"But I don't even know L.A. You could take three left turns and I'd still be frustrated trying to figure out where you're taking me."

"Well, lucky for you, we're going a little bit farther than three left turns." The slightly shorter girl replied with a smirk as she turned her keys and started up the car. "Smile Cooper, it's an adventure!" Alex spoke out excitedly.

"For you, not for me, for me this is torture," Marissa grumbled.

"I know you secretly love it," Alex looked over to the brunette who was trying so very hard to not let the blonde see just how right she was, but she failed miserably, "and that smile you're trying to hide... just proves me right!" With that said the blonde pulled out of the hotel parking lot as she got onto the road and started driving them both to their destination

It took the girls a short fifteen minutes spent in comfortable silence before the blonde parked the car in front of what seemed to be an undisturbed section of the beach. Marissa took a few seconds to examine where they were, her eyes were roaming the area around the car until she met a pair of blue eyes that could see straight through her; eyes that seemed to be questioning her.

"Wh... why are you looking at me like that?" The brunette eventually asked as she saw the blonde's smirk she knew this couldn't be good.

"I'm waiting," came Alex's simple reply.

"Waiting for what?"

"For chivalry to appear."

"For chiva...oh," the brunette bit her lip as she realized what Alex was saying, she started to mumble an apology as she cast her eyes downwards, she was feeling like crap at the thought of having forgotten what she was supposed to be doing, she managed to get as far as pushing the door open before she heard a light laugh coming from behind her and Alex's soft hand gently taking hold of her left wrist.

"I'm kidding Marissa," Alex spoke softly.

Marissa shook her head, "but you're right," the brunette softly got out of Alex's hold before getting out of the car and going to open the driver's door for the girl.

Alex sat back watching as Marissa walked round the car head down, she couldn't help the smile on her face as she realized Marissa was trying to hide her blush. She then watched on amused as Marissa seemed to struggle with the door handle, seeing Marissa's first flustered now frustrated face made her laugh.

The brunette didn't understand why the door wasn't opening, she figured her nerves were making her hand slip so she took her time focussing entirely on making sure she had a good grip and then gave the door a yank.

Alex laughed as she heard Marissa's muffled cursing, as she leaned forward to unlock the door, laughing even more as Marissa stumbled once the door finally gave.

Feeling slightly embarrassed, Marissa just kept her eyes drawn to the ground hoping Alex wouldn't make that big of a scene, but when she heard the blonde's loud happy laugh she couldn't help the blush that rose up on her cheeks. She let out a sigh as she waited for Alex to get out of the car, yet that seemed to take forever.

Finally after a few minutes, the brunette let her eyes glance back upwards to see Alex hanging onto the steering wheel as she tried to catch her breath. Marissa was mumbling yet Alex could still distinctly hear Marissa's; "your an ass," comment.

The blonde finally pushed herself back to give the girl a break, her laughter dying down as she saw Marissa's once again downcast eyes, she smiled at the poor look the girl held, she unclipped her seatbelt and moved out of the car she stood in front of the taller girl moving her hands slowly so she could take hold of the brunette's, "I'm sorry," she apologized quietly feeling only slightly bad for what she'd done.

Marissa kept her eyes to the ground as she just mumbled once more, "yea, yea, let's just... let's go... can't believe I fell for an eight year old though," she finished off bravely, her eyes finally meeting Alex's bright blue-greens.

Alex smiled brightly, "Seth's eight... and three quarters, I'm ten," she replied with cheek, "TOTALLY in the double digit age range." Seeing Marissa roll her eyes at her she grinned before letting go of one hand and reaching in the back of her Jeep and producing a bag. She winked at the girl who was now giving her a confused look before shutting the door and then moving away from the car.

Marissa felt a light tug on her hand and smiled as she looked to see Alex holding her hand to guide her to wherever it was they were going. She looked up to see Alex mirroring her expression, before quickly following Alex, "so, the beach?" She asked casually as the two walked towards the ocean.

Alex shook her head, "not quite."

"What do you mean? I mean, usually, sand and ocean mean beach," Marissa replied with a quirked brow.

"Yea, usually," Alex pointed to the ground interrupting herself, "watch your step," and once the two had moved over the small natural barrier she continued on, "but usually, there's also not a natural overhanging small cliff," Alex finished off as Marissa finally stop staring at the ground and looked up.

Her breath caught in her throat as she now saw where Alex had led them, she hadn't realized the terrain change considering the sand hadn't changed, but now that she looked up, her gaze caught sight of the still low sun over the horizon line at the end of the ocean.

Her eyes scanned downwards and she saw that they were indeed higher up than they had been a few minutes prior, nothing insane that would usually make one step back in fear of falling, but high enough that it was beginning to be slightly intimidating. Surprisingly enough, the rough edges of the cliff they were on seemed to be smoothed over by layers and layers of sand.

She looked up to glance over at her blonde companion and her breath stopped once more, over to her right, past Alex by only a few feet was a vast expanse of green, it was shocking to see grass so close on a beach, it made the area they were in seem like a small secluded island.

Just as her gaze met Alex's once more, she saw the smile on the blonde's features, "I found this place a long time ago, just after I started middle school, I've been coming here ever since," she explained.

"It's gorgeous," Marissa took a few seconds more to look around, before taking a few steps towards the edge, "no wonder you came here so much."

Alex shrugged lightly before moving up to go beside the brunette, "it was always a safe place to come to get away from everyone, you know what I mean?"

Marissa nodded, "this was your life guard tower?" She explained quietly, more so to herself than Alex.

"Exactly like that, I don't think anyone really knows about this place though, which is kind of sad considering how soothing it is, but I'm also glad, because I get to keep it all to myself... well, with you too now," the blonde rambled on slightly, she didn't know why but there was just something about the place they were in and what Marissa was making her feel that was turning her into a bumbling fool. She shook her head, ridding herself of those thoughts only to find Marissa's eyes on her.

"Y... you've never taken anyone here before?" Marissa asked quietly.

Alex shook her head once more, "no... actually, now that you bring it up, even Kim and Parker don't know about it, they always complained when we were younger, complained about how they could never find me..." Alex lost herself in her memories for a few moments before they were interrupted by Marissa.

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, why did you take me here if you've never taken anyone here before?"

"Oh... um, I don't know... one thing I do know though, you're not just anyone Marissa, and I didn't want to just take you anywhere on our second first date," Alex finished off with a shy smile.

Marissa beamed brightly, "thank you," she offered just as shyly.

The two spent a few more moments in the comfortable silence they'd created before Alex finally dropped the bag to the ground and un-zipped it before reaching into it to take out a small blanket.

Marissa couldn't help but smile recognizing it as the one Alex her covered them up with that night they first met. She watched on amused as Alex tried to get everything out and set, frustratedly grunting when the wind would blow the blanket.

After about five times of having to reach over Alex sighed and looked back to see Marissa fighting not to laugh, "think you could give me a hand instead of laughing at me?"

"Think of it as payback for making me look like an idiot before with the car door," Marissa replied.

Alex grunted as she set back to her task, after a few moments, she was surprised to not have had to fix the blanket again and so she looked back to find out what had happened only to see Marissa sitting down on the corner, she raised a brow at the girl.

Marissa smiled, "you asked for a hand, I'm giving you my ass."

Alex rolled her eyes as she mumbled, "lazy way out," she set back to her task being almost done.

The brunette tried to look around to see what Alex was doing but was finding it to be an impossible task, she eventually just turned her head back around so she could face the ocean. She'd been caught up in her thoughts when all of a sudden a bowl appeared in front of her.

She looked down and couldn't help but laugh at Alex's thoughtfulness, "really?"

"Hey! I know how you love cereal in the morning so, I got your favourite."

Marissa happily took the bowl from the blonde as she took a giant spoonful, "oh my God... you really... did get Apple Jacks!" She got out in between bites.

Alex laughed lightly at how adorable Marissa could be, "well yea, what else was I going to feed you out here? A gourmet three course breakfast? Uh uh," the shorter girl retorted with a shake of her head as she took a bite out of her own food.

Marissa turned back around, munching on her cereal before speaking, "I thought you didn't do breakfast."

"I don't."

The brunette pointed to what the blonde was holding, "so... what's that then?"

"An apple." Marissa just gave the girl an unimpressed look. "What, it's not breakfast, it's a fruit."

"Fruit counts."

"Fruit does not count."

"Yes, yes it does."

Alex shrugged, "eh, I don't think so."

"Oh, and what you think goes?"

Alex grinned at the other girl, "what other option would there be?"

Marissa shook her head at the girl before going back to her cereal, "that's right, you just go back to eating your cereal, your real breakfast," Alex continued on with a smirk.

The two stared at each other for a few moments before letting their eyes roam back to the horizon, it was strange that after everything they'd been through they could joke around as if nothing had ever happened.

After a while Alex turned her head around and looked at Marissa, the brunette's glazed look threw her off slightly, she took a few seconds to observe the girl, she had seen the sadness Marissa held the night before, but it was nothing compared to the weight of the world she seemed to be carrying on her shoulders.

It hurt Alex, even after everything she'd been put through because of Marissa's actions a few months back, seeing the brunette with that pained and scared look had always made her heart ache. She had always wanted to make that disappear. After a few moments longer the blonde spoke gently, not wanting to scare the other girl, "hey."

Marissa had been lost in her thoughts, she didn't know how Alex could seem so playful with her after everything, she didn't believe she deserved it, hearing the other girl's voice breaking threw her thoughts reminded her where she was, she slowly turned her head around to face the blonde, "hmm?"

Alex felt her heart skip a beat, there was such intensity to Marissa's stare that it took her a few seconds to get herself together. "Ar... are you okay?"

The taller girl's tilted slightly as she gave Alex a confused look, "yea, why wouldn't I be?"

Alex just gave the girl a look, "come on Marissa, I know you better than that... and I know the look you had just before... what's wrong?"

Marissa sighed as she turned her head back around to keep her eyes on the ocean she both hated and loved how well Alex knew her. It was something that had always amazed her considering they hadn't known each other that long, yet the blonde knew her more than Summer did at times.

"You know," the girl started softly, "I always hated when you did that." She glanced back around meeting Alex's eyes giving her a small smile before facing forward once again, "but I loved it too. You made it so hard for me to act as if everything was okay, when everything wasn't... you know, you're the only person who's ever been able to read me like that," Marissa said finally turning to face the blonde.

Alex just kept her eyes trained on the girl next to her, "you're not the only one Marissa, you know you're the only one who could let me put my guard down."

Marissa smiled faintly, "that's just it, how... I mean, I don't understand how... how you can seem so okay with..." she waved her hand between the two of them, "with us trying again."

"Marissa," the blonde spoke out reaching her hand out to let it fall on the brunette's thigh, "THAT'S why I can." The brunette gave her a confused look which only made her explain some more, "I mean I know you and I have got a lot to talk about. Don't get me wrong, I really want to give us a chance because you are the only person who's ever been able to let me put my guard down, but I'm going to be honest and say it's not going to be easy I know that."

Marissa let her own hand cover Alex's, "we have a lot to go through don't we?"

The blonde smiled faintly as she recognized Marissa's faint insecure tone, she nodded lightly, "it'll be worth it though, if we're both serious about this we can make it work. I know you're the only one who's ever made me feel the way you do, and I don't think I'll ever find someone who'll do that; and from what you've said, I feel like I'm maybe one of the people who can make you feel that too..." Alex finished off glancing to the ground, her own insecurities coming through.

It took Marissa a total of two seconds to understand what Alex was saying, and she was quick to reassure the blonde, "Alex, you are the only person, who's made me feel the way you do. I've never wanted to fight for someone... except you, I'm just so sorry it took this long for me to get here," her voice started to quiver as the memories of the last three months started flooding back, afraid to hear of what Alex had gone through as well.

Alex looked back up and met Marissa's eyes, a thickness hiding in her own voice she replied quietly, "you're here now and that's what matters."

Marissa nodded, but there still seemed to be a sadness hanging over her, she glanced over at the blonde, "yea, but... I don't want to keep bringing this up but... are you sure you can forgive me for what I did?" Marissa asked as her eyes focussed on her hands, she didn't realize just how nervous she was to hear Alex's answer, until that moment; "I mean, I can hardly forgive myself for what I did..."

"Hey," when Alex's soothing voice didn't garner Marissa's attention, the blonde slowly extended her hand and raised Marissa's chin so their eyes could meet, "'forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.'" Alex gave the brunette a bright smile, "Lewis B. Smedes said that, and I like to think that as hard as our past is, the fact that you're here right now means that we can change that past, we can learn from it and not let it happen again, that we can hope for our future together."

The taller girl let the thickness in the air, that had been gradually increasing, slowly dissipate as she gave Alex's hand a light squeeze. It had always been moments like these, moments in which Alex surpassed all of her expectations for humanity, that made her realize just how lucky she'd gotten with the blonde. "_I really can't screw this up again..."_ and with that last thought in mind, she gave the blonde's hand another light squeeze, their intense gaze never faltering as they stayed in that moment of hope for as long as they could hold onto it.

After a while, Marissa broke the tension between them with a light laugh, causing Alex to just stare at her an expression of confusion adorning her features, "what's so funny?"

"Nothing... it's... it's just, I think everything... everything we have to go through now, has just hit me," the brunette tried to speak without laughing.

Alex thought it over and saw what Marissa meant and she too started to laugh lightly, "I guess you're right eh? Who'd have thought that this was just step one..."

"To be honest, I got this far, the rest kind of slipped my mind," Marissa replied, she took a deep breath before continuing, "where do we go from here?" The brunette asked slightly more serious.

The shorter girl shrugged lightly, "I don't know... how about, what happened over the last three months?" As soon as those words left Alex, she saw a pained look cross Marissa's features, one she had never seen before, there was something dark that lay hidden behind those green eyes, something that scared Alex slightly.

"M... Marissa, did... did something happen?" She asked so quietly the other girl wouldn't have heard her if it wasn't for the sudden stillness in the air.

Marissa just kept her eyes downcast afraid to look into the eyes of the girl she loved. "I... I... something, something did happen... but," and before she finished her sentence, she looked back up to meet Alex stare, fighting for the tears not to fall, "but I don't want to talk about it... not right now..."

The blonde just held the girl's gaze, she was trying to read Marissa, but this was clearly something intense that had hurt the brunette more than anything Alex knew had hurt her in the past. She didn't want to ignore anything but seeing the pleading look the girl was giving her she decided not to push the brunette, "okay."

Marissa let her head fall forward slightly, shaking it trying to get the thoughts to disappear, she spoke quietly; "thank you..." and with a light shake of the head she added with a small smile, "how about you though? How'd you end up back in L.A.?"

Alex returned the small smile as she replied, "well um... after the bonfire, I went to my friend's place and then the next day I knew I couldn't stay in Newport... I didn't want to take a chance and see you with R..." she took a breath, "with Ryan, it would hurt too much you know?"

Marissa nodded, she wanted to reassure Alex, but seeing the look the blonde was giving her, she knew Alex was only telling it to her like it was and that she knew there was no need for reassurance, and so she let the shorter girl continue, "so I went in at the Bait Shop that morning and told Nat I wouldn't be coming back but that I'd take care of enough so that he'd still have the place running in one piece until he found someone.

Turned out that helped save my ass when came time to look for a job here, but anyways, I went home later on and I called my parents, I hadn't spoken to them since Christmas, but I talked to my dad and asked if I could come home.

To keep a long story short, I came back, things were weird but then we kind of all worked things out. My dad was never that bad, it was always my mum, but I'll be the first to admit that she's come a long way..."

Marissa could see the look Alex had in her eyes, it wasn't the same bitter look she'd seen so many months ago, she decided it seemed safe to test the waters some more, "oh yea? How come?"

Alex smiled, "well, when I first got back it was really awkward and all, but then um, stuff happened and from what I heard, my dad told her to get over herself and then she came and we talked and she was actually being... my mum. She wasn't being the insane, psycho, Bible waving, woman who gave birth to me that I knew her as then. And ever since she's really been great. I can see how she sometimes still finds it all a little hard but she's really stepped up," Alex sighed, "it's nice you know?" she then looked over to Marissa and seeing the look on the brunette's face, she cursed herself thinking about Julie and realizing how Marissa might not actually know what she meant.

"Shit... I'm so sorry Mar..." but her apology was cut short when Marissa turned around with a small smile in place.

"No, no, you don't have to apologize Alex," Marissa waited and saw Alex's confused expression, "I mean, don't get me wrong, Julie Cooper-Nichol was still... well, Satan's spawn after you left, but, I actually do know what you mean. I don't know how it happened, I still don't know the full story, mainly because I was completely drunk for the most part," the brunette admitted easily with the blonde by her side, "but from what I understand, she went to Summer because she was worried about me.

She's never done that before, and then... when she um... when she found out... found out about what happened, she really just seemed to snap out of crazy mode and she became my mum again. She's actually been really great, I thought it might just be like all those other times, but she really has changed, she's actually even told me she was sorry for getting in between us."

Alex's eyes grew wide when she heard what Marissa was saying, "you're kidding!"

Marissa laughed as she shook her head, "no, no I'm not, actually, she even said and I quote; 'I think you will both find your way back to each other.' I don't think my mother has EVER approved of anyone I was with... well... apart from Luke... but that's just because he was 'the right guy...' until she slept with him," Marissa added sarcastically with a roll of her eyes. Though once her glance ended once again on Alex and she saw the wide eyes that were staring back at her she asked, "I never told you that story?"

Alex shook her head still trying to understand if Marissa really said what she thought she'd just said, "remind me to tell you that one, one day then... it's a good one," she added with an afterthought.

The two stared back towards the ocean letting the information sink in, however the silence was broken when Alex's phone went off with a groan the blonde looked over to Marissa apologizing as she glanced at her phone, "I'm sorry it's work..."

Marissa smiled, "don't worry about it take it."

Alex nodded as she flipped open her phone, "yea? What? You're serious? Urgh, alright fine. NO! No, don't touch that, I'll be there in twenty minutes... I don't care what he says... well, tell him it's his own fault he showed up early, that my day's already been screwed over because his company decided to send him a hell of a lot earlier than we'd agreed on and that he can spare twenty minutes of his time for the four hours he screwed me. Fine, don't tell him that, I'll have fun telling him that myself... in twenty minutes. Josh'll be on my side if he says to get the manager. Oh for God's sake grow a pair and tell the guy to wait. Give him a drink on the house if he starts whining. Yea okay, just don't touch any of the paperwork, I'll be there soon."

The blonde hung up the phone and grunted in frustration, "I swear these people are idiots," she mumbled out forgetting she had an audience.

"Did I ever tell you how hot you are when you get all angry and bossy like that?" Marissa spoke with a smirk, knowing it would throw off the blonde.

Alex turned her head around and glared at the girl, before the playfulness returned in her eyes, "really now?"

Marissa nodded, "uh huh."

"Well then... let's do something about that," and with those last words the blonde forgot all of the things that had happened and all she knew was how she felt, and all she felt was that love for the brunette that had never died. She leaned her head closer and just when their lips were about to meet once again she felt Marissa's warn hand on her shoulder lightly holding her back.

"You're breaking the rules," the brunette spoke so softly due to the lack of oxygen that was currently abandoning her.

"You're making it hard not to," the blonde replied back, "would one kiss REALLY hurt?" Alex tried with a roll of her eyes.

Marissa grinned as she nodded, "yup, now come on! From what I heard you've got idiots waiting for you and I fear that if we stay here any longer you're going to try and jump me again."

"Like you'd put up a fight if I tried to," Alex replied playfully.

Marissa's eyes turned serious as she helped Alex fold up the blanket, "you're right, I wouldn't with you..."

Alex's head tilted slightly as she heard the girl speak, there was something there... something in the tone and in the seriousness, something that both scared her and reassured her. Not wanting to dwell on bad feelings however, she threw the blanket aside and moved to where Marissa was standing, once again by the edge of the cliff over-looking the ocean.

She gently lay a hand on the girl's waist as she softly turned her around, using her right hand she lifted the girl's chin up so she could see the girl's eyes, " you know I'm here for you right, no matter what, no matter how new and improved this is, I'm here."

Marissa could see the honesty lying behind those eyes, and seeing that there, was all she needed she gave a small nod as she wrapped her arms around Alex's neck bringing the girl in for a tight hug. Alex, not wanting to disappoint, or miss the chance for close proximity, was quick to return the hug with all her might.

After a short while, the two girls pulled apart with small, yet happy smiles, on their faces as they moved back and started to head down the trail. Once they got back to the car, Marissa didn't miss a beat this time as she was quick to beat Alex to the door and opened it for her, with a laugh the blonde got in and watched as the taller girl moved round to the passenger side.

They were on the road, on the way back to the hotel when Marissa spoke up, "so, how long do you want me to court you?"

Alex laughed, "gee! Aren't you making it sound like you just want to get it over with already?"

"NO! No, no, no, no, no! You know that is not tr..." the brunette started defending herself.

Seeing the flustered look only made Alex laugh some more as she continued, "relax Marissa, it's ok, I was kidding. I know deep down you've always wanted to court me until we were at LEAST 89 years old." Alex finished off sarcastically.

Marissa rolled her eyes as she replied, "okay, and just so you know, I only asked AND defended myself, because I don't want you thinking I'm flaking out, I just wanted to know how long you thought would be appropriate, and I mean, if you want to wait until you're 89 to get some, then, who am I to fight you. I'll make sure to get you robot flowers on that day."

If Alex hadn't already been laughing, she'd be dying of laughter at this point, it took almost five minutes before she could pull herself together long enough to answer, "okay, okay, you win, I don't want to wait till I'm 89, so, I want to trade my answer and say, how about... until time sees fit?" The blonde tried wanting to win herself a second chance.

"Oh... right, time sees fit like before? When you tried to kiss me?"

"Hey now! You wanted me just as much! Besides, can you REALLY blame a girl for trying when it's been so damn long? Have you seen you woman?"

Marissa was touched by Alex's honesty, and perversity, "aww you held back? You haven't been getting any 89 year old action?"

"No. And a, please tell me we aren't going to refer... THAT... with '89 year old action from now on... because I'm afraid if that's the case, I'm going to puke... a lot. And b, don't go thinking it was because of you! It was just... I was trying... I wan..." but as much as she was trying to make sense of her thoughts, she couldn't find a proper way to explain herself to Marissa, any semi-decent thought simply made her sound insane in her own mind.

However, Marissa knew exactly what the girl meant and so she filled in the blanks; "you wanted to see if I'd eventually turn up? If I would try one last time to make things right; because if I did and you'd done something then it would have meant it didn't really mean as much to you as you thought it did. Every time you got close to, if you even did get close, thoughts of what you and I had, and I don't mean to sound conceited, came back and you couldn't go through with it... right?"

"I... how..." but then, realizing Marissa had gone through the same thing, she gave her an understanding look and picked up the old conversation that had brought on this topic of conversation, "then how about... when we both feel that our tide is turning?"

Marissa smiled at the choice of words Alex had just made, she had always loved that moment. When she and Alex had kissed for the first time on the beach, it had been so much more then she would have ever imagined and it was still to this day the fondest memory she had. She smiled her agreement as the pair kept on talking until they reached the hotel.

Marissa had just stepped out of the car when Alex called her, "hey!"

"Miss me already?" The brunette asked as she spun around.

"You know it!" Alex grinned, "not just that though, I was wondering if you'd maybe want to come to the show tonight? I don't know if you guys had plans but... Modest Mouse is coming and... what's with the look?"

"Seth."

"What? I ask you out... technically and you answer Seth? Well THAT'S a new way to kill a mood Cooper... and that's saying something, I dated the guy."

Marissa rolled her eyes as she leaned in through the window and smacked Alex's arm, "no you goof, it's just Seth and Summer REALLY did their research, and covered their bases this time... they're getting scary good at this whole scheming thing... kind of scares me."

"What do you mean?"

Marissa explained, "Summer told me we were coming here to see Modest Mouse, now, in all the years I've known Summer, she's never really claimed to be a fan, but she made this whole big deal about how when they were in Newport Seth screwed that up and then now... they really thought this whole thing through," Marissa finished off more to herself.

"Are you saying that I have to thank Seth? For helping Summer making a truthful back story to her leading you here unaware?" Marissa nodded, "huh, I guess that really is a scary thought then..." Alex waited a few seconds as both girl's thought traveled to their friends, "anyways, as I was saying, the show tonight, it'll be great, I can put you guys on the list?"

Marissa beamed, "yea actually that sounds great, we were coming anyways... but I like hearing you asking me to come," the brunette looked down shyly as she realized she'd spoken more thoughts than she had been wanting to.

However, Alex's reply only made her feel better, "good, cause I like asking you," the two shared a lingering stare before Alex's phone regretfully went off.

"I think that's your cue," Marissa offered quietly.

Alex groaned as she nodded, "I'll see you tonight though, right?"

The taller girl nodded as she smiled, "yea, good luck getting the place ready, and have fun ripping into the guy."

Alex threw her a mischievous smirk as she replied, "you know I will!" And with that the blonde pulled out of the parking space catching Marissa's gaze in her rear view mirror.

Summer and Marissa were once again in their hotel room, when Alex had dropped off the brunette, Marissa hadn't been surprised to find Summer still asleep under the sheets conside

* * *

ring the time it was. She'd tried to fall back asleep herself but found she was still much too wired from her time spent with Alex and therefore, could only lie awake in bed thinking over what the two of them had talked about.

She was only interrupted from her thoughts when a loud shriek from Summer was heard, turning her head around she'd had to fight real hard not to laugh at the sight of Summer clutching her chest as she stared at her having not expecting to find anyone in the room besides herself. After a long drawn out discussion, during which Summer asked to hear about every detail of the morning with the blonde, the two had gotten ready to go out and raid the malls.

It was now, only a little past seven, that they were back in the hotel room wanting to drop off their many purchases so they could get ready to go out to the club. Summer walked out of the bathroom to see Marissa mumbling to herself as she stared at the multitude of shirts lying on her bed, "Coop, what exactly are you doing? I mean, I know I go in a zone when it comes to clothes, but even I don't start talking to them... that's just crazy!"

Marissa rolled her eyes as she turned around, "for your information... you do," the taller of the two replied as she turned back around to face the now invisible bed spread. "Now, if we can please postpone the mocking until a later time," the girl spun back around wearing a pleading look this time, "can you please help me... I can't choose which shirt to wear..."

Summer dramatically sighed as she walked over to her long time friend, "oh, what would you do without me Coop..."

"I don't know, but what I do know, is that I don't want to find out now," Marissa replied as she watched the shorter girl look through all the shirts finally settling on a simple shirt, one that reminded her a lot of the one she wore to the Rachael Yamagata show, she smiled crookedly when Summer handed it over.

"What's with the look?" Summer asked as she watched Marissa through on the shirt.

The smile couldn't be wiped off her face if she wanted to and truthfully, she didn't want to so she was happy simply shaking her head, "nothing Sum, nothing."

"Okay... if you say so crazy!" Summer retorted as she herself made her way over to her suitcase to find clothes to wear.

The two spent the remainder of the time getting ready in a comfortable silence, which considering Summer was in the room, was strange in and of itself. But it wasn't really, truth be told both girl's had loads on their mind and were taking the time they had now to think over everything.

Marissa busy trying to calm her nerves at the thought of seeing Alex again and Summer thinking about what she was going to do about Seth once they got back to Newport. It wasn't until seven thirty that both girls we're finally ready to go and get a bite to eat before heading out to the show, which was exactly what they did.

They reached the club and by the time they got in the band had just started playing, Marissa turned around when she heard Summer start talking to her, "what did you say?"

"I just wanted to know if I was making myself some friends tonight, or if I'm hanging with you and Blondie?" Summer asked.

Had it been anyone else, anyone she didn't know as well as Summer, she'd have thought the shorter girl was being sarcastically nice, but Summer being Summer, Marissa knew the darker brunette only wanted to let Marissa know she didn't mind either option and she just wanted to make her comfortable.

Marissa smiled her thanks as she replied, "do you mind if I just find her first? I think I have an idea, but we'll come find you a little bit later, is that okay?"

Summer beamed, "that sounds perfect, I just spotted me my drink buyer!"

Marissa laughed as she watched the shorter girl make her way towards a group of boys, who'd stared their way when they walked in. Seeing the girl quickly chatting them up and deciding Summer's rage blackouts were safe enough she set out to find the blonde.

Alex had been running around like a loose chicken all day, she was tired but the band was finally on and everyone seemed to be happy so she could finally let herself take a breath as she leaned against her office door. She grabbed her phone from her back pocket and looked to see if she had any missed messages from a certain brunette.

She sighed when she only saw the time being flashed back at her. She took a quick glance across the place and decided to move to the crowd to watch a bit of the show. She was glad when she saw that everyone seemed to enjoy the band as much as she'd hoped they would.

She was starting to let herself get completely lost in the sound, she knew it was only a matter of time before something would pull her away and she simply wanted to be, the band started in on _Once Chance_; just as the first chord hit she felt a shiver run down her spine, and not two seconds later she felt a warm hand slip into hers.

Turning her head to the side slightly with wide eyes she couldn't help the bright smile that spread across her face as she saw Marissa staring back at her a smile of her own, firmly in place. Giving the girl's hand a light squeeze, Alex turned her head back around but not before moving her left fingers only enough to let them intertwine with the brunettes.

Feeling Marissa return the light squeeze, she turned her attention back to the band and not the warm feeling she felt coursing through her veins. Yet that was impossible, because as she focussed on what the lyrics were saying all she could think of was the girl she had next to her.


	13. Chapter Nine: Problems 1

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

* * *

Marissa had left a week prior, after her and Alex had had a chance to catch up, she said she had some things she needed to take care of back in Newport, so before they parted ways, the girls had promised to talk soon and that they would see each other the upcoming weekend. Alex was starting to worry though, Marissa hadn't called her yet to tell her when she was coming, and as she was driving home from work, Alex started worrying that her gorgeous brunette may be having second thoughts.

She quickly chastised herself for letting those thoughts enter her mind though and as she pulled into her parents driveway, she let out a tired sigh. It had been another long day at work and she really was looking forward to a hot shower and lying down, and hopefully she'd have a beautiful brunette laying next to her by the time she went to bed.

She was so busy with her thoughts and opening the front door, that she hadn't even noticed the red Mustang that was parked across the street. As she walked into the house she was about to call out that she'd arrived when she heard laughter coming from the living room. She recognized her parents laugh but there was someone else in there. She knew she knew the voice, but for some reason, she couldn't place it. She slowly walked over still raking her brain and as she reached the entry way the sight before her both befuddled and amazed her.

* * *

Over the last week Marissa had had a lot of time to think about everything, unlike what Alex thought, she wasn't second guessing herself. In fact she was continuously telling herself how much of an idiot she had been to let the blonde go in the first place. She had come to terms with the fact that she really had indeed hurt Alex the first time around and didn't like that idea what so ever. She knew there was nothing she could do to erase the past but she wanted to do everything she could to make up for it.

She realized how lucky she was that Alex was willing to give her a second chance, and all she wanted to do now was prove that this wasn't going to be like last time. Over the time they'd spent apart, she had realized how much Alex had come to mean to her. She wanted to show Alex just how devoted she was to making things work this time.

After she had left to go back to Newport a week ago, she had come up with a plan; she was going to do everything she could to show Alex that this was it for her, that she was in this for the long run.

She'd decided on her first move, she was going to be old school; she was going to ask Alex's parent's permission to date their daughter. She knew Alex probably wouldn't care one bit what her parents thought, but she had told the blonde she was willing to do this right and in some very random way, she couldn't think of a better start.

So there she was, a week later, completely unannounced, with Alex left in the dark about how early she was actually going to be in town for their first weekend back together.

She'd left school after lunch and had arrived in front of the Kelly's house a little after two, she was hoping they'd be home as she parked across the street, she glanced in the drive way and felt a sigh of relief leave her upon realizing that there was a car in the driveway and it wasn't Alex's Jeep.

She got out of her car and slowly started to make her way towards the door, as she raised her hand to knock on the wooden entrance she realized just how nervous she was, her fist was shaking and her breathing was ragged. She lowered her hand and took a deep breath; "you can do this Cooper," she quietly coached herself before letting out a last breath and bringing her hand up once more and knocking on the door.

_Knock ._

_Knock._

_Knock._

She let out another breath as she heard a male voice on the other side of the door yell out; "one minute"

It was only a few seconds later that the door was swung open and the sight before her was one of a full scale Dave Kelly. She had only heard of him from the blonde on her last trip, something about Alex not wanting them to meet just at that moment.

The man looked down and it took all of two seconds for him to register who was standing before him, the one and only Marissa Cooper. The girl who had both broken and healed his daughter's heart.

Over the course of time, Alex had told both of them what had happened the previous week; but he also knew how much Alex had been worried when the brunette hadn't called her all week. He knew that Alex said they were fine and were going to try things out, and he wanted to be happy for his daughter, but after having his daughter back in his life for the last few months, he couldn't help but be slightly on edge, hoping his gut feeling was right and that things would turn out okay.

Marissa finally snapped out of it as she meekly spoke out, "h...hi"

Dave looked at the girl that was standing on his doorstep, she seemed so small, so worried, "hi, she's um, she's not here right now, she'll be home from work in a few hours though."

Marissa tried to smile but ended up biting her lip instead, "oh, I... I know, I actually came to talk to you, well, you and your wife," she spoke out nervously as she scratched the back of her head with one hand. "Is she home too?"

The man leaned on the doorway and raised one of his eyebrows at her, it was then that Marissa realized where Alex had gotten that trait from, "pl...ease?" She added her voice cracked slightly.

"Sure, come on in," he had to admit, he was curious about getting to know this girl, she'd affected his daughter in a way no one ever had and now she wanted to talk to both his wife and himself, he wanted to see where this would all lead.

* * *

She had heard the door and her husband talking but she couldn't figure out who it was. She was making her way down the stairs when she finally saw her husband move aside so he could let whoever had been at the door walk in.

At first, she couldn't tell who it was, but as she reached the landing and the brunette fully entered the house, she recognized the girl as the one from her driveway a week ago. She stopped breathing momentarily as her's and the girl's eyes met; first because she was nervous as to why the girl was here and second because she had to admit, the girl was gorgeous, she could see why her daughter had taken a strong liking to her.

Sensing the discomfort that was growing in the room Dave quickly spoke up; "honey! Marissa came by, she wanted to talk to us about something," he turned to Marissa, "would you like something to drink?"

The brunette shook her head, her mind was still reeling, the resemblance that Alex had with her mother was incredible and she was freaking out even more knowing that now both adults attention would be on her, and surely they both had a thing against her for hurting their daughter. She shook her head once Dave's question was processed.

"Alright, how about we all go into the living room then?" Dave asked as he looked to his wife waiting to see her nod before he turned around taking Marissa by the shoulders and guiding her into the living room.

Marissa was starting to feel slightly queasy, but as she watched the two adults sit in front of her she took a steadying breath as she readied herself for this conversation. She sat on the opposite couch and waited until the two settled down. Once the three of them were all seated, Marissa started up, she felt everything she had planned on saying slip away from her as she had to now think on the spot; "so um... I'm figuring by the looks I've gotten from both of you that you know who I am?" She waited until they both nodded before continuing, "what I don't know though... is how much you two know..."

Dave decided to answer the girl, "well, when Alex came back she told us the basic of what had happened, but with time we heard more of what had happened between the two of yous."

Marissa let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, "_Alright, at least tough part's over with, _okay, well... um, I'm taking the fact that you didn't slam the door in my face to be a good sign and that Alex told you we were going to try us again?"

It was at that point that Elizabeth's voice seemed to come back as she spoke quietly, "yes, she did..."

"Okay, good." Marissa took another deep breath before she set off, she was starting to feel a little more confident, "so then, you both know that Alex and I met back in Newport and that us being friends moved to us being in a relationship together? And that that, led to me doing what I seem to always do, which led me to breaking your daughter's heart." Marissa rambled honestly, it hurt to admit it, but she wanted everything to be well understood by everyone.

She saw them both nod, clearly unhappy, "I know that this is really not the best way for us to get to know each other, but if you can just, bare with me for a little I'm really hoping you'll think it was worth it in the end."

The two took a few moments to examine the girl, she seemed so nervous Dave eventually let out a breath as he nodded, "alright, we're listening."

Marissa flashed them both a small thankful smile, "see, I've never been good at dealing with things myself. I'm by far, nothing close to perfect, as I'm sure you'll eventually find out, if you haven't already. I've found myself in my fair share of trouble and I have a hard time dealing with change. I've more often than not, stuck with what was safe and what was considered 'normal,' what was expected of me."

The two parents both saw how Marissa cringed as she spoke, she clearly wasn't comfortable talking about all of this and it showed that it was taking a lot for her to be so open, but she seemed determined to see it through.

"When I met your daughter, she offered a whole other world to me, she laid out a world I'd never seen. The moment she showed me this other side of the world, I knew that this had been what I'd been looking for all along.

When we first got together, I seemed to cope well, I was dealing with it and everything was great, but when things started becoming too real for me, I became a coward and hid into my old ways, I hid from myself and ran to what I thought was safe."

She took another breath before she continued on, "I destroyed, like always, the one thing that actually mattered to me. When Alex walked into my life, she made me feel like I was worth something. And that's something that no one's ever been able to do. I've had people try, but I never actually believed them, and your daughter was able to do that. She really is amazing, and I don't know what I did to deserve meeting her, but I'm sure as hell glad I did because she gave me hope, hope in myself. And I turned that away when it became too scary for me to handle."

Tears were starting to form in the girl's eyes, both parent honestly believed every word the girl was speaking even though they were still uncertain about where this conversation was going.

"I don't know what I did to deserve a second chance with her, but I know I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. I was at a low before I even met her, but being with her, made me want to better myself, and I did, I really tried and I did for a while, but when reality set in I got so scared, so scared that I pushed her away.

It almost killed me, it really did; and I know she couldn't have been all rainbow's and sunshine after she left Newport, and that it was my fault, and I hate myself for ever doing that to her because she's so amazing, but I'm okay with reality now, I'm okay with it because I know Alex will be there."

She took another deep breath, "I don't think I should deserve a second chance, but if Alex is willing to give me one, then I'm planning on doing everything to prove to her how serious I am about this, and how I'm not willing to go down the old road this time. I will be there for and with her and I am going to do all that I can to show her how sorry I am for ever having hurt her like I did."

Dave smiled at the girl, Elizabeth seemed a little uncomfortable but she was coping.

"Which is why I'm here," Marissa continued.

Dave couldn't help but feel like he was about to be asked permission for his daughter's hand.

"I'd like to make sure it was okay with you both. I mean, I know this is awkward and all, plus, you know I hurt her before but I hope you believe me when I tell you it is the biggest mistakes I have ever made and I regret it like you cannot even begin to imagine. I know Alex and I jumped in feet first wanting to try us again, but it would mean a lot to me, and I'm sure it would mean the world to Alex too, if you would both support this... I'm willing to prove myself to her, and I want, well hope, that you are both willing to give me a chance as well."

* * *

Both parents were shocked by what the girl had just said, Elizabeth seemed so shocked she couldn't even speak, that's when Dave took over, "you, a seventeen year old girl, are asking us, the parents, if you can go ahead and date our seventeen year old daughter?"

Marissa simply nodded.

"B... but, why?" Elizabeth asked as she'd finally regained her voice and was trying to understand how the brunette could have decided to do that.

"I told you, I've hurt your daughter before, I'm not proud of that, one of my worst moments, but if she was willing to take me back, I wanted to make sure I can show her how serious I am.

You don't understand how she was with me, she offered the world to me and I turned it down, she put me up and I never showed her an ounce of gratefulness; instead, I made all of her shirts turn pink."

Both adults shared a confused look but didn't question what Marissa had just said, "besides," the brunette continued, "I'm pretty sure asking the folks is part of the whole courting thing." She laughed lightly as she saw them both give her an even more confused look.

She smiled as she explained, "I told her I'd do anything to get a second chance, and being the smart ass she is, the first thing she said was; '_yea, okay I want you to court me,' _And I agreed even though I knew she was messing around.

She thought I was just playing along at first, but when she realized I was serious she kind of let the shock set in, we agreed we'd do this right and slow and well it just stuck.

Alex's parents just stared at the girl as they let what she'd just said sink in, but when it did, both couldn't help but smile at the girl, they had to admit, she really did seem to want to make it up to their daughter, who were they to stand in the way?

As the comfortable silence seemed to pass, Marissa looked at the married couple, "to be honest, I'm glad she said what she did. I don't think there'd be any better way than to prove myself to her."

* * *

None of them had heard the door open or the footsteps that were slowly approaching as they all shared another comfortable moment, they all shared on last look when Dave was about to let Marissa know he was okay with her courting Alex, he saw his daughter standing in the entry looking completely confused.

He flashed the blonde a reassuring smile that Marissa soon recognized as a Kelly smile and she herself turned her head around, pleasantly surprised to see her girlfriend standing there with look of utter confusion.

Before anyone could speak, Marissa flashed Alex a small smirk before biting her lip and turning back around to face the two people she'd spent the better part of the last few hours talking to, "so, is it alright with you two?" She asked them excitedly.

Dave threw his daughter a smirk as he turned his attention towards his wife, "honey? What do you think?"

Alex on the other hand was still completely unaware of what was going on and her mind was going ten thousand miles a minute trying to understand what could possibly be going on, "_why is Marissa here? With them? And what on EARTH are they all talking about?" _Before any of her questions could be answered, her mother looked at her, and when the two Kelly women's eyes met, Alex felt herself take a deep breath.

She hadn't seen her mother's eyes filled with that much emotion since the day she'd been thrown out. A small glimpse of fear flashed through her own eyes as she was terrified of what had happened in her childhood home while she was at work.

When she met her mother's eyes once more she felt relief wash over her, she realized those eyes weren't filled with disappointment, anger, sadness and fear like the last time; no, in fact what she saw blew her away, she saw in her mum's eyes all the pride in the world, happiness and awe.

"Sweet cheeks," Elizabeth started, "I know the three of us have shared our fair share of sorrows and regrets, and I know I was the cause of most of that, and I'm really happy we worked through most of our issues over the last few months. I know I've told you before, but my greatest mistake was letting you walk out that door when you told your father and I about you and Jodie.

You were struggling with something and I understand how hard it was for you to tell us what you were feeling. You tried to get me to understand but I just wouldn't see past what I was raised to believe and I'm sorry for that, when you came back, I knew I couldn't lose you again, I'm so happy that we worked through it. I'm so grateful to have you back in my life again I told you I was okay with things, and I am, but I want you to know, "she pointed towards Marissa and smiled, "now that I see it in real I believe it even more that what you feel is just as real as any other relationship.

Sweet cheeks, I don't want you to ever get hurt again, not like when you looked at me and left, and not like you looked at me when you came back. I'm never going to do that again," she looked back to Marissa, "and you never hurt her again."

It wasn't a threat, it wasn't meant harshly, it was a simple statement, a statement that meant a new start, even though things had been good between them lately, Alex understood that her mum was now finally stepping off of her issues and this was it, this was a new start, a new era.

Elizabeth knew, especially after having listened to Marissa's speech, that the girl would never hurt her daughter again, "Alex you've told us before, but if you're willing to try this again," she pointed between the two of them, "then I want you to know I fully respect and support it."

Dave smiled bright as he saw how relieved and happy his daughter seemed, "Marissa, sweetheart," he looked up at Alex and flashed her a smile, "I want you both to know as well that I respect and support you both." He then looked back at Marissa and took on an overly dramatic look, "I grant you permission to pursue my daughter's heart." It took everything he had in him to not burst out laughing at the sight of his daughter's even more confused expression.

"Thank you Mr. Kelly, I truly do appreciate you giving me this chance, and as I told you both before, I'd give anything to take away the hurt I put Alex through. I promise you both to never do that that again, Mrs, Kelly." Marissa assured them both once again.

Alex finally snapped out of her daze when she heard the exchange between the trio that awaited her in the living room, "wait... what?"

"Marissa came here wanting to ask us if it was okay with us for her to court you," her mother explained kindly, using the same words Alex hadn't heard in over a week.

The blonde looked over to the brunette who was doing her best trying to hold in the laughter that was threatening to come forth, "you said you wanted me to." Marissa shrugged, "I couldn't do it without your folks blessing."

Alex just stared at her blankly, "oh my God... you... you weren't kidding when you said you were serious?" Alex replied still shocked not believe Marissa was actually going to go through with it all. She figured after the last weekend and the lack of phone calls that this wasn't going to happen.

"Of course not! Don't be so fooled by the Channel, I can so totally be a courter myself!" Marissa replied as she moved to stand in front in front of her girlfriend.

"WAIT!"

Everyone turned towards Alex's mother who seemed to be growing red in the cheeks, they were all afraid of what was to come.

"Oh don't look so terrified, " they woman spoke trying to lighten the mood, "I just wanted to say... um, I mean, I'm all for you guys being all... together, but uh," she scratched the back of her head, "I don't think I'm THAT ready to see you guys start making out." She finished off quietly.

The other three all laughed at the woman's words before Marissa's voice broke through, "No worries Mrs. Kelly, as much as I'd love to," she looked back to Alex and winked, "that'd be breaking the rules."

And with those words she simply took Alex's hands in her own giving them a light squeeze as she let their eyes meet as she softly whispered, so only the blonde could hear, "told you I'd play along."


	14. Chapter Nine: Problems 2

**Author notes, story notes and everything else, on profile. Thank you :)**

For all the OOCness... it's been a while, forgive the sketchness of the writing.

Also, this one's dedicated to one reader who really got my writing gears going again, thanks a million, this one's for you siege98

* * *

The girls had decided to take a walk around the neighbourhood, Alex was still a little perturbed and confused by what she'd just walked in on and Marissa was hoping to catch a glimpse of the area Alex had grown up in, she figured it would be an easy way to get to know yet another side of the blonde.

"So, how was your day?" Marissa asked tentatively.

Alex was shaken from her thoughts and turned her head slightly, "uh, it was alright… yours?"

"It was good, ten times better once I saw your face back there though," Marissa mocked lightly as she nudged the blonde with her shoulder.

Alex let a small smile slip by, "I cannot believe the great Marissa Cooper asked my parents their permission to date me. I think you're the first person ever who's gone this crazy over me." Alex finally regained her cockiness as she continued on, "which, you know, is surprising consider just how amazing I am!"

Marissa burst out laughing, " wow! Someone's a little full of themselves today huh!"

"Hey," the blonde shrugged, "when you've got it, flaunt it."

"Okay, that's enough of your ego juice, we're going back to OJ in the morning, remind me to tell your folks so they can keep an eye on you now that I won't be living with you for a while, especially if you keep up that," Marissa finished off as she waved her hand in Alex's direction. As much as she realized how serious the topic she'd breached was, she didn't want to make it seem like too big of a deal.

She was nervous for this first weekend back. Sure, the week prior had held a bounty of hearty emotional moments, but this, this was their first weekend completely back, there would be no car chases, no yelling, no running, and hopefully for both, not too many tears, they'd both shed far too many over the course of the last few months.

Alex looked over at this new and improved Marissa, she was still the same girl she had fallen for, but there was something, along with the gravity of what ever it was that was bothering her, there was also this new, breath of fresh air to the way she spoke. It was lighter, you could detect the happiness that the tall brunette felt.

She had become a nervous wreck as the weekend was fast approaching with no news from the girl who now stood next to her, and now that it was here, she didn't know what to do with herself. She was so ecstatic she could jump for joy, but at the same time, she was still slightly apprehensive, to fully do so.

Alex decided they had time to delve into serious topics later on, for now, the sun still shone brightly, the weather was hot but the wind kept it cool with a nice breeze, which she realized made Marissa seem even godlier than usual.

"What is this? Are they going to be your new bffs or something? Because, as much as I like the idea of my parents finally approving of someone I'm seeing, I'm not too sure I like this whole bonding thing you've got going."

"Hey! If you want, you are more than welcome to tame my mother and give me the same treatment."

Alex quirked that Kelly brow.

"You know what, on second though, maybe not, I don't need my mother sleeping with yet another one of my partners."

Alex smiled, yet inside she was dying of happiness.

"What?" The brunette asked as they kept on walking down the street.

The blonde shook her head, "what, what?"

"You've got this smile, but your eyes, they're betraying the amount of happiness you seem to feel right now."

The slightly shorter girl was once again surprised at how easy it was for Marissa to read her like an open book. She kept her smile as she replied, "you said partners." As if it was the most obvious of answers.

"Yea…"

"It's just, don't take this the wrong way okay?" The blonde waited for a nod before she continued, "it's just, out of all the words you could have used, you used that one, it kind of… I don't know, it's not like I was doubting anything, but I guess it's still a little shocking to see how full circle you've come around. I mean, it's nice to hear you use a term that's not as often used by the straight population."

Marissa laughed, "I told you, I've accepted it, I've come to terms with who I was and being okay with it. There's not much anyone's going to be able to do anymore about it, you're kind of stuck with me now and… well, rest of society be damned! If anything were to happen to us, and we weren't together again, God forbid as I'd probably actually die this time," she spoke with a sense of fear, "I'd still be gay, and that'd still be okay.

I don't know if this is going to either reassure you or frighten you," she added lightly so as to aid the mood, "but you need to know, this isn't just for you, I've realized that though I may have liked boys, I've never felt as strongly as I did for girls. And these past few months, having looked back, I came to terms with the fact that this apparently isn't new. I just never clued in before."

Alex stopped in her steps, she was shocked a little, it's not that she was expecting to be the one and only girl who could turn Marissa Cooper, it was hearing the brunette flat out admit, and with ease, that this was who she was, she just hadn't figured it out until she came around

"It's nice to hear you sound so confident in yourself Marissa." She threw the girl a smile before starting to walk again, "don't get me wrong, you always did come off as confident, but it's nice to see you having come to terms and being okay with everything."

Marissa returned the smile, "it's nice to be okay for once."

The two kept on walking around the corner in a comfortable silence before Alex broke it, "actually, you mentioned something last weekend, something to ask you at another time and seeing as were walking aimlessly, what's this story about Luke, and your mum?"

Marissa laughed, she was happy, and she was glad to see Alex seemed to be so as well, it was nice for the two of them to talk and hangout like they used to when they first started seeing each other before they got together. It was nice to know they were not only fixing their couple problems, but were going back to their roots, re-seeding the soil of their friendship.

"I don't actually know how it all started, it's safe to say, once I found out, I didn't want to know anymore than I had to, but from what I've gathered, when Luke was going through a rough patch he and my mum I guess sort of somehow started to secretly see each other and then, um eventually something must have happened, because he broke it off with her."

"Wait, how'd you find out though, please tell me you didn't walk in on them." Alex asked only slightly mortified for the girl.

"Oh God no! You think I'd have eyes right now if I had? No, I was at Ryan's one night and he and Luke had become friends or something, they'd 'bonded' after Luke found out his dad was gay, anyways, he barged in while I was in the bathroom to tell Ryan he wasn't going to sleep with her anymore. With my luck, I walked out just in time to hear him say so and yea. I kind of ran away after that, ran to Chino to seek refuge at Ryan's ex's…"

"What?" Alex asked completely confused yet amused.

"Yea… I don't know how or why, I guess it seemed like the only place far enough away from my mother. Ryan eventually found me and convinced me to come back… I showed up at my mothers told her I was leaving, she threatened to have me committed, again, she really liked that threat, and I told her I'd tell everyone if she even dared. And that's when I moved in with my dad."

Alex's eyes started bulging, "what?" Marissa asked confused.

"You said this story was going to be funny!" Alex exclaimed all shocked and perturbed.

"Well, it is, now, looking back. At that point in time, hell no! But now, I'm over it all, I mean we weren't together, it's just the thought of my mother and ex hooking up that's just really strange to me. I mean, even for my mum that was… something unexpected."

Alex didn't know what to say so she kept on walking silently, Marissa looked over to see the blonde deep in thought, "you alright there?"

Alex slightly shook herself out of it, "yea, yea it's just, I don't know what to say, I'd say I'm sorry but, I don't think that can even begin to… I don't even know."

Marissa laughed, "it's alright, it took me a while to figure it all out myself. How bout you though? Any interesting stories like that with your folks?"

Alex laughed, "nope, nothing at all!" She answered, and when Marissa looked over she could see the blonde had this little look in her eyes. Alex felt she was being stared at so she decided to elaborate, she looked to where they were and she stopped suddenly which the taller of the two noticed and turned to face the blonde.

Alex pointed over Marissa's shoulder who noticed they were standing in front of a park. "That bench right there, that's where they met." Marissa felt the shiver run up her arm as Alex took hold of her hand and brought her to said bench, the pair sat down and the brunette turned her head so the blonde had her full attention.

Alex smiled, "see that house over there," and she pointed to this small house that was off to the right, Marissa nodded, "okay, that right there is the house my dad grew up in. The house we live in is the one my mum grew up in.

They've known each other since they were kids, they met on this bench when they were six years old. The two of them became friends and as the years passed on, they stayed as such. Story goes, once high school started, mum started seeing this older boy, my dad though, he'd been pinning for her since they first met.

Eventually, said boy broke my mothers heart, he was her first love and she found him in the arms of her then best friend. My dad was there for her, as he'd always been, and he helped her collect the pieces, and eventually, when he was sixteen, he finally asked her out.

They've been together ever since and have never once split for any amount of time. When my mum became pregnant, her folks decided they wanted out of the city and gave them the house as a, welcome-to-life-new-baby gift."

"That's cute, so you're the reason your parents got the house? Did they ever thank you?" Marissa joked lightly.

Alex shook her head, which confused Marissa, "no, they didn't because it wasn't because of me."

Marissa's eyes grew wide, "are you saying you're not an only child?"

Alex laughed lightly, "no, I am… but had my mother's pregnancy not been so hard on her, I'd have an older brother today."

"Oh my God, Alex, I'm so sorry," the brunette exclaimed as she lay her hand upon Alex's.

The blonde gave the hand a light squeeze as she continued, "don't be, it's okay. My mum, she got scared after, she didn't want to risk going through that again, the pain of losing a child, but my dad, my dad was there for her and he never once backed down. He managed to convince her to try again, and then three years later, I was created and they've enjoyed my blissful presence ever since." She finished off with a smirk, she didn't want to dampen the mood, things we're pleasant right now and she liked that. She liked the thought of their first weekend back together spent in a happy mood, kind of like it was when they first started hanging out all the time, there would be ample time for the serious stuff later on.

Marissa took a second to examine the blonde, she seemed okay with things, but she wanted to make sure there wasn't more going on than Alex was leading her to believe. The slightly shorter girl could feel the intense stare and smiled, "I've made peace with it, I mean, I would have loved to have had an older brother, but things happen. It sucks, but it's okay. You want to know why?"

The brunette nodded, "growing up, before all the shit hit the fan, I got to see fully whole-heartedly what true love was. My parents found a way to keep their spark through everything, and I look at them today, after everything that happened before I moved out, and they still have it.

As a kid, growing up in this city, being very well aware of all the crap that could have happened, because I saw pretty much all of my friends families being torn apart from the inside, I was thankful to have my parents.

I may have resented them at one point in time, thought I hated them, and then actually having hated them once they told me to get out, but I was always thankful. Because since day one, they have stood by each other through thick and thin. Never once letting their love falter because of anything that tried to come between them, myself included.

When I realized that, that's when I figured out that bad things happen. But as long as you have that one person by your side," and as she spoke she gave the listening girl's hand a light squeeze, "you can overcome anything."

Alex looked up from where their hands were finally together once again to see Marissa give her this crooked smile, "what?"

"You're not as tough as you let other's believe," Marissa saw Alex about to retort before she continued, "but I love how I'm one of the few people who get to see this side of you." She finished off lovingly which quickly stopped Alex in her tracks.

"Marissa, you are the only person who sees me like this, sure I've got Kim and Parker who have seen this 'not badass' side," she added quotation marks with a roll of they eyes which made Marissa laugh, "but no one sees it the way you do."

"And if anyone ever finds out, well, you'll have me to deal with and it won't be pretty." She glared at the girl as she slowly brought her fingers up wiggling them menacingly. The unspoken threat of tickle attacks being understood.

Marissa's eyes grew wide as she saw the fingers and zipped her lips giving Alex the invisible key, "my lips are sealed."

"Good." It wasn't long until Alex's eyes reflected the smile she felt grow on her lips.

* * *

The two girls were now back at Alex's house sitting in Alex's bedroom. The blonde girl walked in to find the brunette standing by the bookshelf peering inside, she had a momentary flash to Roxy judging her literature choice and was mentally preparing herself for another mocking, only briefly forgetting that this was Marissa: and not just Marissa, but the new and improved Marissa, the girl who had been completely open and changed from the moment they'd re-met.

Marissa had felt Alex enter the room and continued examining things in the room, she had already finished studying everything else in the room Alex had grown up in and was now standing in front of the last parcel, the missing piece of the puzzle. Something she hadn't really seen back in Newport.

The brunette turned around and cocked her head as she watched Alex stare at her, slightly defensively, but not enough to make her question the stance. Instead, she chose to break the silence that had set upon them; "that's quite a collection of books you've got there."

"Uh huh," Alex replied, still eyeing the brunette, trying to get a read on her intents. She wondered if she looked like a stray dog right now, well, she wondered if she had that stray glint in her eye. The look that lost soul gives you when you approach them for the first time and they can't figure out whether to trust you or not.

Marissa's brow furrowed quizzically, Alex was acting weird, but she let it slide, "have you read through all of them?" She asked curiously, with no intent other than wanting to get to know every aspect of the girl before her.

"Not all but most yea…"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure…"

"Why do you look like you can't figure out if I'm either about to jump violently your way or hand you over a puppy?"

And it was in that moment that Alex realized how crazy she'd been acting, she laughed lightly letting her shoulders drop and her normalcy return. "Nothing… it's nothing to worry about." She replied casually as she moved to sit on her bed.

Marissa moved to sit beside the girl herself and gently took hold of the other girl's hand at the same time, "well, clearly it is something, come on, you can tell me," she answered with a light smile.

A smile, Alex quickly realized, that she couldn't say no to, and so, her resolve broke and she went on her mini rant. "It's just most people who come in here for the first time and who know me, when they see the bookshelf they tend to make fun of me."

Marissa had to bite her lower lip not to laugh at how defeated Alex looked and how childish she sounded.

"It's just I have this image you know, and people, people are stupid and mindless and think if that's the image than the rest has to fit. But it doesn't! People can actually be very complex and intriguing if idiots just gave them a chance.

So, when people come in here they expect one thing and then they see that," she waved her hand to her well organized and well maintained bookshelf, "and then they start the teasing the, "_what are you a nerd?" _"_Are these all the books you bullied off of people back in high school?" _And it sucks, because then I look them straight in the eye and tell them no, it is neither, I'm just well read.

That usually doesn't stop the teasing so then I fix up what they messed up, because they ALWAYS do and then show them the door."

The blonde looked into the eyes of the girl she loved, "I know I know, it sounds stupid and childish, it's just frustrating, the nerd part, I could handle, I've gotten that one enough I'm used to it and I embrace it.

But it's when people box you out and they think because you're a _badass _you've inevitably teased and bullied people. I will have you know, with pride, that I never once, intentionally set out to terrorize someone. Hard to believe considering how many schools I've been kicked out of, but not once did they say it was for violence on students. It was just because I was young and stupid and rebelling."

She wasn't done but she was steaming too much and she didn't know what else to say, she looked up again and saw Marissa's eyes had softened.

The brunette had never seen this side of the blonde, she hadn't believed the girl had been a bully before they'd met, but she was to admit she hadn't given much thought to Alex's prior school life, it always seemed so, un-needed in the blonde's case.

She was seventeen and was running a bar, living on her own. She seemed to be doing a fairly good job at life so she hadn't thought about it, so, she decided to comfort the blonde, "you know, now that you mention it, I'm sorry for never asking you about your past in school. I think every time it ever came up you were telling me about something you and your friends were doing and school was just the setting of the story.

I only asked because I'm curious, I want to get to know all of you, and if this was a part of it, I wanted to hear you talk about it. I can see why you were so defensive but really, I was just in awe not that you read but in awe of what you were reading.

You don't find many kids our age dabbling in the literature you seem to have immersed yourself into. It's kind of awesome really!" She added cheerily, which was successful as Alex laughed lightly.

"Thanks. That one, I get often from my parents, the whole _kid's your age don't read old English unless school makes them _speech. It's funny, I do have popular fiction, but I just… I don't know, everything now, new shows, new music, new movies, new books, everythings always just the same. Back then… back then it was just all so different you know? Maybe I'm crazy, maybe it's just that I'm reading now what was written over one hundred years ago and because of the difference in times things seem better…"

She finished off her rant and looked up to see Marissa smilling, and she was soon returning the smile herself.

Before anything else could be said there was a faint knock on the door and Dave stood in the doorway, "dinner's almost ready if you want to come down."

The two teens nodded and shared one last quiet look before they walked out and down to the kitchen, their hands still holding onto each other. When they entered neither noticed the smile Alex's parents shared at seeing their daughter radiant once more.


End file.
